In front of the full-length mirror in the living room, I carefully checked my appearance.
"Hair looks good, lash extensions look good, skin condition is great. Let's do our best again today."
As I held up my manicured fingertips to check them, my dad looked up from his newspaper on the sofa, giving me a dubious look.
"What's this, a construction site safety inspection?"
I had no idea what he was talking about.
High school is a danger zone filled with daily near-misses, where a single moment of carelessness can prove fatal.
It is a stage where you must continually put in the effort and keep performing as your perfect self.
"Mom, I'm heading out!"
"Fufu, take care. Have a good day."
My mom, whom I had worried for days on end, offered me an encouraging smile.
Drawing courage from that, I slipped my feet into my loafers in the entryway and reached for the doorknob... only to freeze in place, a wave of nervousness washing over me.
"Woof!"
"Whoa."
Hulk nudged the back of my knee.
With a wry smile at his expression—which practically read hurry up and go already—I stepped out of the house for the first time in a week.
◇
The scenery blurred past my field of vision on my way to school.
The familiar station platform, the crowded streets of the commute, the tree-lined path leading up to the school gates.
Every time I caught sight of someone in uniform, my pace quickened just a little. Lost in an endless spiral of thoughts, I found myself standing outside my classroom in no time at all.
How on earth should I explain things to everyone?
Have they already figured out that I'm just a gloomy introvert? I was crying the last time I ran out of the room, so they definitely know something happened.
No, standing here overthinking won't do any good, Nakina Amanatsu!
Compared to going from a shut-in to pulling off a complete high school debut, this is nothing!
"M-Mornin'~"
The moment I slid the door open and stepped inside, the lively chatter in the classroom snapped into dead silence, like a severed string.
I could feel an overwhelming barrage of stares locking onto me.
Hurrying over to my long-missed desk, I set my bag down and quickly took my seat.
Now then, how should I broach the subject? The timing is going to be so tricky.
Sweat gradually seeped into my shirt, and the ambient noise around me began to fade into a distant blur. Ah, this might be really bad... Just as panic started setting in—
"Nakina, long time no see! We were so worried about you!"
"Man, I was scared you weren't gonna come back!"
A group of guys and girls suddenly swarmed around my desk.
"U-Um, what?"
As I tilted my head in confusion, the girls started patting my shoulders and arms, as if physically celebrating my return.
"Missing a week of high school is totally no big deal, so don't even sweat it."
"Let's hit karaoke after school to celebrate your comeback!"
This is weird... What in the world is going on?!
"Um, aren't you guys curious about why I took time off?"
"Huh? We already heard everything from Hatsukade, so we know."
From Hatsukade-kun?!
Wait, what does that even mean?
"Seriously, that Hatsukade guy is unbelievable. His personality is rotten to the core."
"Right? When you came back crying, Nakina, we had no idea what happened, but it totally makes sense now."
Timidly raising my hand, I asked, "Just out of curiosity... what did he say?"
"Just remembering it makes my hands shake with rage! In that public confession, saying you were cute was all just a joke, and he told you that he'd be annoyed if you actually took it seriously, right?!"
"...Eeeh."
"On top of that, he talked all kinds of trash, saying you had an ugly personality and that talking to you was boring, right?!"
"Who said that?"
"After you ran out, Hatsukade went around bragging about how he made you cry."
...Hey, Hatsukade-kun, just how kind can you be?
While I was flustered and panicking over the warm welcome Hatsukade-kun had manufactured for me behind the scenes, the culprit himself walked into the room.
With his usual aloof demeanor, he took his seat and opened a paperback novel, completely unfazed.
Even with the entire class glaring daggers at him—a situation that would feel like sitting on a bed of needles—he simply looked at his book and murmured an amused, "Oh?" with a slight smirk.
His mental fortitude is on a whole different level...
How can he possibly immerse himself in his own world under these circumstances?!
This guy's heart must be made of pure tungsten.
A sharp, explosive tension hung heavily in the air, but the moment Sakura walked through the door, her eyes went wide, and she bolted straight toward me, instantly scattering the mood.
"Nakina?! I finally get to see you! Seriously, where have you been?!"
"Ah, hahaha, well, a lot happened."
As Sakura threw her arms around me, tears welled up in her eyes.
Eeeh...
"Ugh, I'm so sorry about before. I was trying to look out for you, but I just ended up meddling where I shouldn't have."
"I-It's okay. It's not like you meant any harm."
I offered a strained chuckle, but Sakura buried her face against me and shook her head vehemently.
"Waaaah, it's all my fault...!"
"Ah, ahaha..."
I was completely taken aback by the sudden outburst, but thankfully, with Sakura's crying as the catalyst, a crowd of classmates gathered around to shower me with apologies.
Amid the chaos, my eyes met Hatsukade-kun's for just a fleeting second.
Having looked up from his book, he offered me a small, genuinely pleased smile that was meant for my eyes only.
◇
Surprisingly easily, I slipped right back into the rhythm of the class.
Everyone had apologized, and the dread that had weighed on me before school completely evaporated.
As for Sakura, setting aside the fact that she was the trigger for me shutting myself away, she had worried enough to visit my house day after day, so I couldn't hold a grudge.
That was just the kind of person Sakura was.
She's just a bit of an idiot... Well, sorry, maybe more than just a bit.
She's quite the airhead, but I truly believe she isn't a bad person at heart.
Well, she is an idiot, though.
However, not everything went completely back to normal.
"I'm sorry, Nakina... It was all my fault."
"It's fine. It's all okay now."
Shii-chan looked thoroughly uncomfortable.
When we were alone, she offered an apology and we made up on the surface, but an undeniable chill lingered between us, making it clear that things hadn't been magically wiped clean.
It wasn't just me; practically everyone in class found it awkward to interact with her.
Just like before, during room changes or free seating, we still hung out in the same group. But in stark contrast to her usual bubbly, talkative self, she had turned into an automaton that merely offered polite smiles to keep up with the conversation. Almost like how I used to act.
What she had done was awful, but in the first place, I could have just refused to do the fake confession. So as far as I was concerned, we were both at fault.
Well, it might take some time, but she'll probably bounce back eventually.
Until then, she can treat this as a brief period of reflection.
During lunch break.
Sakura and I walked over to the vending machines in the courtyard.
Even though I told her it wasn't necessary, she stubbornly insisted on buying me drinks as "emotional damages," so I decided to take her up on the offer, but...
"This new coffee is so good! Oh, and this one, and this one too!"
Beep, beep, beep. Sakura hammered the buttons without a second thought.
"I-I can't drink all that! Stop it already!"
As I cried out while desperately cradling the pile of drink cans, she puffed out her cheeks in protest.
"Ehh, but there are still more."
"If I drink this much, my stomach is gonna be sloshing all afternoon!"
"True! Going to the bathroom during class is super embarrassing!"
Finally convinced—I think?—Sakura popped the tab of a lemon soda with a cheerful hiss.
Even though she acts like such a ditz, the fact that Sakura looks undeniably cute doing it is incredible. So this is what a natural-born extrovert looks like...
"Still, Hatsukade really has a terrible personality, doesn't he?"
"I-Is that so?"
Glancing around warily, Sakura lowered her voice to a whisper.
"I mean, I know I'm not really in a position to talk. But that guy is so relentlessly petty. Even after you stopped coming to school, Nakina, whenever he caught me alone, he'd go, 'What, you guys haven't made up yet? Maybe your personality is so rotten she doesn't even consider you a friend.' Can you believe that?!"
Dropping her voice to an imitation of his flat tone, Sakura grumbled in indignation.
"On! Top! Of! That! Day in and day out, he'd nag me, 'Did you see her yesterday?' And in the end, he went, 'You're totally useless. Fine, I'll go check on her myself. I haven't complained to her enough yet'!"
Sakura crushed her soda can with a loud crunch.
"Going out of your way to pick a fight with someone who's taking sick leave is totally unhinged, right? And then, even though he promised to go with me after school, that jerk snuck off during lunch break behind my back!"
"Fufufu."
"It's not funny! But I guess this is what you call a blessing in disguise? You got mad at him too, so you were able to snap out of it, right? That's definitely for the best! There are plenty of better guys out there, so let's put this behind us and find you a real romance!"
"Y-Yeah."
Truly, I am the lowest, most deceitful person alive.
I should tell Sakura that Hatsukade-kun isn't that kind of awful person, but wild horses couldn't drag the truth out of me.
Because if Sakura ever realized how amazing he truly is, there is no way a girl like me could ever compete with her.
The same went for Hatsukade-kun.
I don't want him to realize how wonderful Sakura is.
She's gorgeous, beloved by everyone, and has tens of thousands of followers on social media, yet she never lets it get to her head and cares so deeply about her friends that she couldn't leave someone like me alone.
Drip.
I could hear the dark sound of my heart rotting away.
The pure feelings of love I once held had been tainted a murky, pitch-black color, giving off a stench so foul I wanted to pinch my nose.
After pulling that wretched fake confession, I truly have no right to date him.
...Even so.
Even if it's only for our high school years, I don't want anyone to take him away from me.
Even if it's Sakura, who treats me with such warmth, I don't want to let her lay a single finger on him.
That rare smile that occasionally breaks through his sullen expression belongs to me alone.
The spot right next to him belongs to me alone.
It is an arrogant, possessive emotion that repulses even me—yet this is my love.
The more I thought about him, the more the overcast sky over my heart thickened into heavy storm clouds.
Even so, no matter how dark the clouds become, far above them, Hatsukade-kun continues to illuminate my youth.
Even if it remains an unrequited love, I want to stay by his side.
That is my one wish.
Returning to the classroom from the courtyard just before lunch break ended, I discreetly slid a folded note onto his desk.
There's something I need to tell you. Please come to the rooftop alone after school.
◇ Hatsukade POV
At the end of lunch, Amanatsu slipped a mysterious note onto my desk.
Folding the brief message neatly, I tucked it into my pocket.
During class that afternoon, I caught Amanatsu glancing back at me for a split second; she flushed crimson on the spot and whipped back toward the blackboard in a frantic panic.
"..."
I really should have noticed her feelings sooner.
Even if it was meant to be a lie, I had shamelessly paraded around the classroom telling everyone she was cute and that I liked her, so there was no way she could have had any peace of mind.
My behavior must have put an immense amount of pressure on her.
Amanatsu said that pulling that fake confession meant she had no right to fall in love with me.
Most likely, if that idiot Hiiragi hadn't made a mess of things, she would have buried those feelings in her heart forever.
From my perspective, I had simply been caught in the crossfire, but knowing I had played a part in turning her into a shut-in left a sour taste in my mouth.
That was why I skipped class to visit her house. I didn't want to drag this unresolved frustration through my daily school life. In the end, it was purely to protect my own peace of mind.
Because I'm that kind of person, I have no intention of letting sympathy sway me into returning her feelings.
After school, I walked alone down the corridor toward the rooftop.
With late May approaching, the sky framed by the hallway windows remained bright and clear.
Fingering the note in my pocket, I turned over what she might say to me.
The rooftop after school, having something important to say... With all these pieces in place, it could only mean one thing.
My feet dragged, weighed down by my reluctance.
I'm pretty sure I already made it clear that I had no intention of dating anyone, so what is she trying to accomplish?
Does she just want to take her shot and get closure, even if it means crashing and burning?
If this were another fake confession, I'd gladly roll up my sleeves and prepare to fight back, but dealing with a genuine, serious confession is a massive pain.
I want to resolve this while minimizing the damage to her as much as possible.
No, maybe bracing myself to be hated and cutting her down in a single, clean strike is the truest mercy a samurai could offer?
...What the hell am I supposed to do?
Reaching my usual sanctuary, I pushed open the door leading to the rooftop.
Squinting against the cool breeze rushing past, I found Amanatsu waiting there alone.
"Sorry to keep you waiting. What did you want to talk about?"
"Y-Yeah. Um, well..."
Saying only that, she pressed her lips tightly together, as if bracing herself mentally.
As I stood there with no choice but to wait, the faint shouts of the sports clubs practicing on the field drifted up to my ears.
"I-I... like you, Hatsukade-kun."
My spine straightened on instinct.
Fidgeting and nervously twirling the ends of her hair around her finger, she pressed on.
"I know it's completely shameless of me to say this now... but even so, I realized that I still want to be by your side, Hatsukade-kun... So, please..."
—Here it comes!
She drew a deep breath.
Picturing an invisible blade at my hip, I braced myself to cut her down cleanly without leaving any lingering attachments.
"Please give me permission to join your club!"
"Sorry, but I don't like anything about you except your fa—"
The words left our mouths almost simultaneously, and our eyes locked in dead silence as we both froze.
"..."
"..."
Clack! The sharp crack of an aluminum bat connecting with a baseball echoed hollowly from the field below.
Feeling a cold bead of sweat roll down my cheek, I cleared my throat with a dry cough and tilted my head.
"Ah, the club. Sure, sounds fine. Not like you needed my permission in the first place. Well, see ya."
"Wait a second! Weren't you just about to say something completely awful?!"
"...You're hearing things."
"I am not! That hurt! Th-That's way too cruel!"
"Well, obviously. I had to carefully choose my words so you'd hate me."
"How can you shamelessly act like nothing happened within three seconds?!"
"I mean, look at the setup. Anyone in my shoes would've assumed it was a confession."
Amanatsu flailed her arms in a flustered panic, her face burning bright red.
"I-I wasn't going to confess! I just thought that even if we can't be a couple, maybe we could at least become friends. That's why I wanted to join the same club... I mean, wouldn't it be awkward if I just barged in without asking first?"
"Even if you're asking for permission, I'm not the club president. All I can tell you is to do whatever you want."
"This isn't how I pictured this going at all. Plus, I got dumped before I even confessed."
Slumping her shoulders in complete defeat, her expression slipped right back into her familiar, gloomy introvert look as she glared up at me resentfully.
"So, can I submit the club application form then?"
"Yeah."
"You're not just saying that to be nice?"
"I don't mind being in the same club as you, Amanatsu."
When I offered that brief reply, she smiled as if finding her footing again, bashfully adjusting her bangs.
"Thank you."
"Just to be clear so you don't get the wrong idea, if you're hoping that getting closer will eventually lead to dating... you're wasting your time."
"Yeah, I know. I really just want to be friends."
"...Is that so."
If Amanatsu has her own reasons, then so be it.
Feeling the tension completely drain out of me, I stretched my back to work out the stiffness.
"If we're done here, mind if I head home?"
"Sure. Ah, wait!"
Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out a handkerchief, clutching it with a hesitant, conflicted look before finally holding it out to me.
"Here, I'm returning this. I don't need it anymore."
"Thanks."
You sure went on quite the journey, little guy.
"Well, let's get going."
Despite saying that, Amanatsu lingered in place, fidgeting uncomfortably.
Her hand remained buried in her pocket, where a glimpse of a cute pink phone case peeked through the opening.
Even now, I couldn't help but wonder why she had fixated on me.
There were plenty of guys out there far better suited for someone like Amanatsu.
Besides, harboring an unrequited crush while choosing to stay right beside the person you like feels like a punishment game far crueler than any fake confession.
The more time we spend together, the more she's going to end up hurting.
When the time inevitably comes for us to part ways, what kind of face is she going to make?
Well, that's a problem she'll have to figure out for herself when the time comes.
It's not like I'm going to suffer any damage from it.
Not now, and not in the future...
—Even though I had fully rationalized it like that, looking at this clumsy classmate of mine made it impossible not to indulge her just a little.
"Hey, Amanatsu."
"What is it?"
"...It's fine. We're friends, after all."
Pocketing the handkerchief, I held up my smartphone.
"You want to exchange contact info, right?"
The only reason I found myself giving in like this was probably because, somewhere deep down, I was still overlapping Amanatsu with that girl from my past.