Over the past few days, I had often found myself thinking about my childhood friend.
The last time I saw her, she looked utterly drained after facing judgment for her misdeeds.
I hadn't contacted her since the day we parted ways, nor did I even know how to reach her.
I was probably remembering her because I had ended up telling Amanatsu about the past.
That, and perhaps because some of Amanatsu's mannerisms were faintly reminiscent of her.
While mulling over such thoughts and sipping coffee on my bedroom sofa, I picked up my smartphone and flicked out a message.
"Looking forward to it."
"Hatsukade-kun! I'm way too happy that you messaged me first! So you actually keep in touch with people, that's kinda unexpected!"
"It was easy to imagine you fretting for hours over whether to text. That would have been a waste of time, so I sent it."
"...Sorry, I take it back. I'm not happy at all anymore."
What a way to respond to my consideration.
Did she seriously expect romantic words to come out of my mouth?
Just to be clear, if Amanatsu showed any signs of wanting to be more than friends, I fully intended to crush them immediately.
"Changing the subject though... you know how you treated me to that bakery stuff the other day?"
"What about it?"
"Well, I wanted to thank you or something... Is there any food you like, Hatsukade-kun?"
She crossed the line right away.
"There's a bakery near your house that sells delicious egg tarts. Pick some up and bring them to school. They're open in the morning, so please do. Here's the store link."
I fired off the text before she could bring up making me a boxed lunch, then set my phone on the table.
My stance wouldn't change going forward.
I didn't care what anyone thought of me.
No matter what happened, I was myself.
I took another sip of my cooled coffee.
An elegant, sharp acidity and a rich, wild, bitter depth washed over my tongue.
Hmph. Ordering that Tanzanian Kilimanjaro was definitely the right call.
◇
The next morning before homeroom, Shinonome was wearing her usual syrupy smile.
Looking around the classroom, other groups of girls were glancing sideways at her, whispering and giggling behind their hands.
—Handling her with kid gloves; the phrase fit the room to a tee.
"Hatsukade, I want to ask you something."
A boy with a sharp, hostile glare called out to me.
Lately, I felt like I had been on the receiving end of an awful lot of cold stares.
Well, after badmouthing Amanatsu to that extent and drawing all that aggro, it was only natural.
"What is it?"
"Tell us who it was that leaked who Masanori likes."
Curious about the commotion, other guys gathered around as well, chiming in with things like "I wanna know too" and "That's messed up."
"I have no obligation to tell you."
"Obligation...? That's not the point. When we talked about who Masanori liked, it was just our close circle. That means there was a traitor among us. Without an apology, I'm not letting it slide."
The guys gathered here right now were probably the members from that conversation.
At the very back stood Katsurama, desperately trying to keep a straight face.
"I understand how you feel, but I'm under no obligation to tell you. I'm not your friend."
"Kh, we're classmates, aren't we?!"
"Please think of us as merely occupying adjacent desks in the same room."
The boys glared, their collective pressure mounting, but no amount of intimidation would make me yield.
Just then, a calm Masanori stepped in.
"Come on, guys, it's fine. Anyone can have a slip of the tongue."
"You're okay with that, Masanori?"
"Yeah. I don't really want to start a fight over it."
When he waved it off so nonchalantly, the boy who had spoken up fell silent.
Heh. A popular guy really operated on a different level of composure.
"Still, I'm not cool with Hatsukade either."
Oops, you still have a bone to pick with me?
The boy thrust an accusatory finger at my chest.
"I'm not saying you're entirely to blame. But even if it was a misunderstanding, what gives you the right to expose who Masanori liked—someone who had nothing to do with it—in front of the whole class?"
"Yeah, exactly! Don't try to sweep it under the rug. Give Masanori a proper apology!"
They were rattling off plausible justifications, but at the end of the day, they just disliked me. They should just be honest and admit they couldn't stand my guts.
Then, for some reason, Katsurama cut in.
"M-Masanori forgave him, so isn't it fine already?!"
He continued to babble on without missing a beat.
"I kind of hate this kind of tension. It ruins friendships, and I think of all of you as my friends. Hatsukade just said it because he got swept up in the moment, right? Masanori says it's fine, so let's just let bygones be bygones, yeah?"
Katsurama gave me an awkward wink, as if expecting me to owe him a favor.
When I beamed back at him with a pleasant smile, his eyes narrowed in relief.
"Katsurama, if you've done something wrong, it's only natural to apologize."
"Huh?!"
"You are in the wrong."
Seeing Katsurama rendered utterly speechless, I felt nothing but secondhand embarrassment.
Seriously, this guy is pathetic.
The other boys shouted, "You're taking our side?!" but this had been my stance from the very beginning.
Raising my voice so the whole room could hear, I bowed my head.
"I'm sorry, Masanori. It's true that I dragged you into this when you had nothing to do with it. I regret doing that."
Masanori let out a dry chuckle and rubbed the back of his neck.
"Haha, that's why I said it's fine. Besides, Hatsukade, you already apologized to me in private that day, didn't you?"
The boys gasped in disbelief.
"Wait, seriously?!"
"Yeah. I kept quiet because I didn't think it was something I needed to broadcast, but that ended up making things worse. Hatsukade, I'm the one who should apologize."
When Masanori dipped his head, the other boys awkwardly scratched their cheeks.
Addressing the now-silent peanut gallery, I spoke in a level tone.
"What about you guys, who came at me when I had already apologized? What are you supposed to do when you've done something wrong?"
"...Damn it!"
"S-Sorry..."
"Yeah, my bad..."
Looking like they had just chewed on bitter bugs, they meekly backed away.
Before I knew it, the entire class was watching our little drama.
Amidst the silence, Katsurama, desperately trying to salvage his own standing, let out a hollow laugh. "Ahaha."
"Great, that's great! Guess I was mistaken, yup!"
Then, he turned a fawning smile toward Shinonome.
"Shii-chan, you made up with Amanatsu too, so you don't need to worry about it anymore either, right?"
Katsurama, you idiot... you have an absolute, catastrophic lack of tact.
Don't tell someone who's visibly on edge not to worry about it in front of a live audience.
Look at her. Shinonome's face is completely twitching.
Also, lest anyone forget, I still hadn't received an apology from Shinonome myself.
So I spoke up.
"Personally, I think she should apologize in front of everyone at least once."
Shinonome's eyes narrowed in bitter resentment.
Katsurama choked on air with a pathetic squeak.
Since I was curious to see what happened next in my novel, I sat down and picked up where I left off.
◇
During lunch break, at what had now become our regular spot in front of the rooftop door, Amanatsu held out a paper bag with completely dead eyes.
"Here... the egg tarts."
"Yes, exactly these! They sell out if you don't go in the morning, so they're hard to come by. Perfect. Thanks, Amanatsu."
"...This is completely different from the thanks I had planned. And you look way happier right now than whenever you're talking to me. Give me back the time I spent browsing Cookpad."
She really had been planning on making me a lunch, huh?
Grumbling under her breath, Amanatsu opened her bento, shot me a sullen glare, chewed thoughtfully on a piece of fried chicken, and swallowed.
"I know what your personality is like, Hatsukade-kun, so it's whatever, but... couldn't you try giving a slightly more, you know, humane response?"
"Don't talk about me like I'm a monster. From my perspective, the people in that classroom look like mythological ghouls. It was another complete farce from the moment I walked in today."
"Mmm..."
Amanatsu let out a soft groan, peering up at me with an apologetic gaze.
"Um... about Shii-chan. She seems to be reflecting on it quite a bit, and I've already forgiven her. So I was wondering if maybe you could stop calling her out like you did this morning."
"Are you talking to me?"
"How are you so oblivious...?"
As Amanatsu stared at me in exasperation, I lined up a photo of the egg tart on my phone.
"Just so you know, I don't hate anyone, nor do I hold a grudge. I'm simply indifferent. However, as far as Shinonome is concerned, I do think she should hurry up, offer a proper apology, and settle the score. It's annoying having her drag this out on her own terms."
Snap. That came out nicely.
Another one added to the collection.
With a sharp clatter, Amanatsu dropped her chopsticks, her mouth falling half-open in disbelief.
"...Wait, are you doing that thing again?"
"What thing?"
"You know, acting completely indifferent while casually helping people!"
"Huh? I have no idea what you're talking about. Ah, here, I've got a spare pair of disposable chopsticks in my bag. Take them."
"See! This! Exactly this!"
Puffing out her cheeks, Amanatsu muttered a quiet "Thank you" and snapped the chopsticks apart with a crisp crack.
"Ugh, this gives me such mixed feelings."
Why was I getting chewed out after handing her fresh chopsticks?
Right at that moment, the rapid thudding of footsteps echoed up the staircase.
A blonde gal sprinted up the final flight and shouted:
"Hatsukade, stop bullying Shii-chan!"
Standing tall with her hands on her hips, Sakura Hiiragi looked down at me and spouted absolute gibberish.
"I know Shii-chan did something bad! But picking on her any more than this is way too much!"
Don't go digging up a conversation that literally just ended.
This girl is an idiot, but she is an absolute virtuoso at manufacturing chaos.
"I'm the only person she hasn't apologized to yet, so there's nothing to forgive or let go of in the first place."
"Wait, really?! Then Shii-chan's totally in the wrong!"
Ugh, my head hurts.
I take back what I said earlier; I genuinely dislike this girl.
"Just so you're aware, you're the one I forgive the least."
"Me?!"
"Nothing causes more collateral damage than harm done without malice."
"S-Sorry..."
Did she actually understand what she had done wrong?
Unless you reflect on your actions and figure out how to fix them, an apology is meaningless.
My forecast: this girl will definitely repeat the exact same mistake.
"Wait, why is Nakina with you anyway? Weren't you two fighting?"
"Um... we made up."
"Even after the awful things he said to you?!"
Hiiragi leaned right in, scrutinizing Amanatsu's face.
"Heeeh~~~"
Amanatsu shrank back, lowering her head in embarrassment.
"Ugh... why did Sakura have to be the one to catch us right away...?"
"Since when were you two...?"
"A lot happened, and we ended up becoming friends."
Hiiragi shot me a look that practically screamed, Why him?
Right back at you. Why is an exotic creature like this so popular? The world is fundamentally flawed.
"I see~ Well, getting along is what matters most! Still, Hatsukade, you've got some insane mental fortitude. Normally, people can't just casually share a meal with someone who confessed to them."
Rich commentary coming from the girl who just pulled a rice ball out of her cloth pouch and started eating right in front of a guy who openly despises her.
"Why are you eating with us?"
"Huh? Because we're friends now, obviously."
"Excuse me?"
"A friend of a friend is a friend, right?"
What an astonishingly brainless string of logic.
By that metric, your circle of friends probably wraps around the equator and reaches the other side of the planet.
"N-No! Sakura, you're not friends with Hatsukade-kun!"
"Why are you turning on me too, Nakina?!"
"Because Hatsukade-kun is a loner who doesn't have any friends besides me!"
Why was I taking stray bullets in this exchange?
I mean, it wasn't wrong, so whatever.
Hiiragi reached over and affectionately patted Amanatsu's head.
"Don't worry, my absolute golden rule is that I never betray my friends!"
Pretty bold claim for someone who actively encouraged a fake confession.
Wait, right. This girl had just been danced around by Shinonome and acted without any real malice.
"Mmh... I'm trusting you, okay?"
"Leave it to me! Besides, Nakina, you know I already have a darling I've set my heart on!"
Huh. She has a boyfriend?
No wonder nobody ever made a move on her despite all the hype about her looks.
Amanatsu furrowed her brow and muttered under her breath:
"I mean, Sakura, your boyfriend is an imagi—"
Whispering too softly to be fully heard, Amanatsu weakly shook her head. "Never mind."
Hiiragi, the only one remaining in high spirits, turned back toward me.
"I don't really know much about you, Hatsukade~ Do you have any hobbies?"
"Nothing special... If I had to name something, solo gourmet dining and conservative asset management."
Asset management?!
Their voices chimed in unison.
Hiiragi's eyes widened.
"Wait, do you trade stocks? That's kinda cool! Like, being glued to the monitors and going all-in with your entire life savings at the perfect moment to strike it rich?"
What are you, a day-trading momentum chaser?
"I don't gamble. What I do is dollar-cost averaging into index funds. Using a custodial account, I mechanically invest a fixed amount every month without letting emotion enter the equation."
"...Sorry, is that a magic spell?"
Beside Hiiragi, who was tilting her head in utter bewilderment, Amanatsu's eyes began to sparkle unnervingly. "If I put in my New Year's gift money, does that mean I get unlimited free cosmetics every month?"
Yeah, explaining this is a complete waste of breath. I popped the final bite of the egg tart into my mouth.
◇
Seriously, every single person in this school makes such an absurd fuss over romance.
There are countless other ways to enjoy life.
From my perspective, dating in high school is practically a gamble in itself.
Statistics already show that the overwhelming majority of teenage couples break up anyway, so pouring resources into it is nothing more than a sinkhole of time.
After school, just as I was preparing to head home, Amanatsu insisted that we walk together since it was her first day joining the club, so the two of us made our way toward the clubroom.
Along the corridor, the laughter of several male classmates drifted toward us.
"Honestly, I'm totally over Shinonome. I don't care how much she likes Masanori, making her own friend Amanatsu pull a fake confession is messed up."
"She's way too fake. That whole cute, bubbly act was just a mask. It's creepy."
"Honestly, she should just date Hatsukade. Two toxic personalities deserve each other."
That was the exact moment they finally noticed me—and Shinonome, who happened to be walking a few paces ahead of us.
"Ah, crap."
They were the same guys who had cornered me this morning.
Masanori wasn't around because of basketball practice, but Katsurama was there, standing completely mute.
"...Kh."
A tiny gasp slipped from Shinonome's throat, and Katsurama broke out in a cold sweat.
A stifling silence settled over the hallway.
I glanced at Katsurama.
He did nothing. He just stood there frozen, wearing a blank expression.
I kept walking toward the clubroom.
Cutting straight through their little circle without a word, I passed Shinonome, catching a glimpse of her bloodless, pale face.
"...Tch."
At the small click of my tongue, Shinonome's shoulders visibly jumped.
"Like I said this morning, I haven't forgiven you, Shinonome."
"...Ugh."
"However, people who have nothing to do with the situation have no right to run their mouths."
"...What?"
To Shinonome, who let out a stunned, hollow murmur, and to the boys gawking at me, I laid it out clearly.
"A lot happened, but Amanatsu and I have made up, as you can see. You already know Masanori's side of things too. When people who aren't involved make a scene, it just makes things awkward between me, Amanatsu, and Masanori. If possible, keep your gossip to yourselves."
Taking the lifeline to save face, the boys muttered, "Well, if the guy involved says so," and beat a hasty retreat.
Katsurama, trailing at the back of the group, looked over his shoulder at us several times before finally scurrying off.
Shinonome glared up at me.
"I didn't... ask you to save me."
"I didn't save you. Keep your delusions to yourself."
"Hmph!"
Spitting out that parting shot, she turned on her heel and stormed off.
From behind, Amanatsu gave me a few light jabs in the ribs.
"What?"
"...Nothing. Let's just go."
Pouting with an irritated scowl, she huffed and marched ahead toward the clubroom.
It wasn't like I wanted to get involved either.
I just despised people who weren't even victims acting self-righteous as if they were the ones who had been wronged. That was the only thing that rubbed me the wrong way.
◇
A few days later.
As late May rolled around, our high school held a special event exclusively for first-years.
The overnight group orientation trip.
A two-day, one-night excursion where we trekked along mountain trails to foster teamwork.
In short, a class mixer designed to force new students to bond with one another.
The groups were decided by a lottery draw.
The boys in my group were Masanori and Katsurama.
And as for the girls...
"Yahoo! Looks like we've got some kind of destiny going on lately, Hatsukade!"
It was Hiiragi, spouting nonsense as usual, alongside Amanatsu and Shinonome.