A tank rumbled toward me.
I wondered if there were Parcionians inside. They certainly seemed to have a lock on me. Since they hadn't immediately fired their main cannon, I assumed they intended to take me alive. Makes sense.
Even if I tried to run, they’d just track my position with infrared anyway. In a best-case scenario, maybe they had actually come to pick me up.
"Fairy, what’s the word from Chronos?"
"The message is: 'We have no intention of asking the Parcionians for help with the search.'"
"I thought as much."
Well then, let’s get to work.
"Fuhahahaha!"
I closed the distance, weaving side-to-side as I ran. Once I got within a certain range, the crew would likely pop out and use a machine gun to give me a warning—assuming the thing wasn't a drone.
"H-Halt!"
I scooped up a stone and gave it a toss.
Thwack!
Perfect. Direct hit to the head, and he was out.
I grabbed another stone, leaped onto the tank, and dropped it straight down the hatch.
"W-Waaaaaaaah!"
The guy inside mistook it for a live grenade and came scrambling out in a panic, only to be greeted by my fist. I wrenched the gun from his hands, tossed it aside, and just like that...
Tank secured.
Vroom, vroom.
"You seriously just hijacked a tank like it was nothing..."
"Baboo, yay!"
"Stop acting like a baby!"
Man, Fairy was being really harsh with me lately.
I knew how to drive a tank, though. I had a license and everything.
Beep, beep.
Baboo.
I was fully regressing into my childhood self when more tanks came into view. Infantry, too. Definitely Parcion.
Hmm...
"Was that tank alone because it got separated from the rest?"
"A severe lack of training, clearly," Fairy remarked.
Parcion-kun, I’m going to have to drill you until you’re pissing blood.
Now then, I wasn't exactly confident in my tank marksmanship. Like being a fighter pilot, that was a job for a specialist. Still, the machine did have a Guide Mode.
I maintained my speed and let the Guide Mode lock on.
"Up we go!"
Kaboom!
Whoops, Parcion Army tanks were sturdier than I thought. One shot wasn’t enough to blow it up, but it looked like I’d successfully immobilized it. As long as it was neutralized, I was happy.
"See ya!"
Baboo, vroom vroom.
I took a detour to make my escape. Infantry couldn’t hope to catch up. Katori-sensei could probably do it, and Ren would likely run me down without even breaking a sweat, but these guys? No chance.
Hahaha.
I went cruising along in my commandeered foreign vehicle.
Wooo-ooo, wooo-ooo...
"You in the tank, pull over immediately!"
Wait, what?
I was being surrounded by actual police. I obediently pulled over to the shoulder and stopped.
"Hey there! Thanks for the hard work!"
"Hehehehehe... Your Majestyyyyyyyyyy!"
"Well, you see, I fell asleep at the stadium and ended up getting kidnapped. E-hehehe."
"W-We shall escort you back at once!"
"I'd love that, but they’re almost here."
"Eh?"
Clatter, clatter, clatter...
The Parcion Army was closing in. There were at least ten tanks in the group.
"Okay, everyone, run for it!"
"B-But, Your Majesty!"
"Just go! A patrol car is useless here! Call for reinforcements! I’ll hold the line!"
"Sir! Good luck to you!"
"Yeah, yeah!"
I stayed in the tank and fired a few warning shots. The pulse cannon was running low on energy... I guess that was to be expected from a training unit.
Now then.
"Attention, King of Chronos! Surrender immediately!"
A transmission came through. I replied instantly.
"Nuh-uh!"
"Wh-What!?"
"Bea-st!"
"You bastarrrrrrrrrd!"
Their trolling resistance was pathetic. This was why their country had fallen apart after just a little meddling; their communication skills were bottom-tier. Honestly, these guys.
Predictably, they lost their cool and charged right in.
"And... boom!"
One tank destroyed. I threw the vehicle into a drift—or rather, a spin—to snap into a new direction. Then I turned tail and hauled ass.
Idiots! I’d already bought enough time for the patrol car to get clear!
Morons! Complete morons!
Suddenly, a heavy thrum-thrum-thrum filled the air. Aerial forces? This was getting dicey.
"It’s the Chronos Army," Fairy announced.
"Ah, allies. Thank goodness."
What a relief.
"This is Riko! Leo-kun, are you safe!?"
"I’m good!"
"Is that your tank in front?"
"Yeah, I swiped it to get away."
"Saijo-kun is waiting for you at the stadium, you know!"
"Why is Saijo-kun so fired up this time!?"
"Apparently, when they went out drinking, Yuri-chan let it slip that if he could take a single point from Leo-kun, she’d marry him on the spot."
"He’s too much of a Warrior of Love!"
"Anyway, I’m coming down to help!"
"Please do!"
Full-armor Rikochi dived straight out of the helicopter. She plummeted through the air and landed squarely on top of one of the enemy tanks. The vehicle crumpled instantly under the impact.
"What do you think you're doing to my husband?"
Rikochi stood up with a fluid, menacing grace. In one hand, she gripped a plasma launcher. I was pretty sure that wasn't a weapon designed for a single person to carry.
"Wow, Rikochi is fuming. You sure are loved, Leo-kun."
"I’d better provide some support so she doesn't turn that anger on me."
Kaboom!
I disabled another tank. Rikochi hoisted the launcher onto her shoulder and fired. The resulting explosion flipped an entire tank onto its side.
"Come at me, you small fry."
Ah, she’d entered Hero Mode.
The scene was pure carnage. The enemy tanks finally started firing their main cannons in earnest, but Rikochi simply danced around the shots, picking them off one by one with her launcher.
...She was way too strong. See? I’m clearly not the strongest person here!
I hopped out of my tank and moved through the smoke and fire. When a crewman tried to lean out to fire a machine gun, I choked him out and tossed him aside. I slipped inside the vehicles to suppress the crews and moved through the infantry like a ghost.
I didn't even need a knife or a sword. Their level of training was just too low.
"I-Is the Chronos Army made of monsters!?"
I felt a flash of inexplicable irritation at the comment. Instead of just choking the guy out, I grabbed him and delivered a backdrop, driving him head-first into the dirt.
By the time I looked up, there were no moving tanks left, and only a handful of infantry remained. Rikochi was holding one of the survivors aloft with an iron claw before tossing him away.
"...Do you have any idea?" Rikochi was actually trembling.
"'Riko-chan, I can't believe you're marrying the King of Chronos! Our family's future is secure now! Make sure to have lots of babies!' That’s what my happy Mama said."
"Ah... right."
"'To think our Riko-chan would find such a wonderful husband!' That was my Papa, sobbing his eyes out."
"Ah, yes. I remember..."
"I can't back down now!"
"Um... could you maybe say that again but in a romantic context?"
"Leo-kun, shut up!"
"Sir, yes sir."
Kawagon was sad.
And so, the legend of the Berserker Couple became a reality...
After leaving the cleanup to Rikochi and the Military Police, I climbed into a patrol car and headed for the stadium. I had a date with Saijo-kyun, after all.
What was I really afraid of? It wasn't making Saijo-kyun angry... it was the thought of making an enemy out of Yuri-chan, the General of the Civil Officials. I wanted to avoid that at all costs.
Also, the next time I do pro-wrestling, I’m doing it at night. That stuff takes way more out of me than I expected.