First up was the hand-to-hand combat tournament.
I was just glad they’d settled for an exhibition match.
"If you participate, the tournament will be over before it starts," they’d told me.
I didn't get it at aaaaall.
My opponent was... Masked Isono.
...So, it was you.
The rules were pure pro-wrestling.
I put on my best "I'm gonna do it!" face, looking like a Siberian Husky. If they wanted a show, I was going to wreck the whole tournament.
Isono and I started with the traditional mic performance.
"Listen up, you punk! I’m gonna be a dad, you punk!"
"Congratulations, you punk!"
"Thank you, you punk!"
"You better take good care of your wife, you punk!"
"You better take good care of the Empress too, you punk!"
As we were shouting at each other, Nakajima came up from behind and clocked us both with the gong.
"Are you two best buddies or something!?"
She caught us completely off guard. That actually hurt.
Apparently, that served as the opening bell.
With my head ringing, I forced myself to lunge forward for a headbutt!
"Listen up, punk!"
"What was that, punk!?"
He slammed a headbutt right back into me.
I really shouldn't have started with a headbutt.
"Congratulations, punk!"
This time I went for a chop.
"Thank you, punk!"
He caught me with a Hell Thrust.
Gah.
We locked up, grappling for dominance.
"I’m gonna take you down, punk!"
"Bring it on, punk!"
We traded punches back and forth.
"Show me the spirit of a father, punk!"
"You hurry up and become a father too, punk!"
I lost track of how many dozens of times we slugged each other. Since we weren't putting our weight into the punches, neither of us was getting knocked out, but it hurt like hell regardless. My bones were creaking. It was the kind of brawl that was genuinely bad for your health.
Eventually, we both reached our limits and grappled one last time.
"Ora! Take this, punk!"
When I shouted, Isono wobbled for a split second.
Oh, crap.
I panicked and delivered a Bitanko Slap to wake him up! Once he was steady, I hoisted him and threw him backward.
Belly-to-belly suplex!
Isono executed a perfect roll to break his fall. Good, that seemed to have brought him back to his senses.
"Y-You... that echoed right through my core, punk!"
"Don't you dare pass out on me, punk!"
Pro-wrestling was an incredible drain on physical stamina. I just wanted to lie down...
Isono's second handed him a chain. Phew, saved.
"Listen up, punk!"
He punched me with his fist wrapped in the chain. The moment it connected, I went down of my own accord.
Alright, break time.
"Get up, ora!"
While I was catching my breath, Isono started "choking" me with the chain. He used the opportunity to catch his breath, too.
"Ora!"
I drove a body blow into Isono’s stomach! He collapsed just before the impact actually landed.
I'm so tired-nyaaa.
"Ora kora! Die, punk!"
I hauled Isono up for a powerbomb. This was it! The most important part of the sequence!
"You're the one who's gonna die, punk!"
The instant I lifted him, Isono wrapped his legs around my head and pulled me into a Frankensteiner!
My head was driven straight into the mat.
The referee finished the Sally count, and that was that.
I'm so tired-nyaaa.
I guess this was the limit for amateurs. Pros really are amazing...
"Get your acts together, you punks! You'd better work this hard in the humanoid fighter tournament, punks!" Nakajima barked at us.
"Thank you, punk!"
Since my face was a swollen, bruised mess, I was sent straight to Kevin.
I thought about healing myself with ESP, but she shut that down. "Conserve your strength for the humanoid fighter tournament," she said.
"You really are an idiot~"
"Kevin, you’re so mean..."
"Alright, present your backside!"
"Why my butt!?"
"Strong painkillers have to be injected into the glutes!"
The nurse pulled my pants down.
"N-No! Nooooooo!"
Prick.
"Ahn~♪"
"Don't make such weird noises!"
Kevin finished the injection. My virtue... it’s gone. I can never be a bride now...
Feeling utterly spent, I tried to head back to the VIP seats, but a heavy wave of drowsiness washed over me. Man, I was exhausted.
The members of my Imperial Guard looked at me with concern.
"I’m so sleepy... I think I’m about to black out, so go call someone..."
"H-His Majesty has collapsed!"
No, I was just sleepy. From fatigue.
To stay out of the way, I stumbled into a nearby room to crash.
Zzzzz.
When I woke up, I was in an unfamiliar room. Actually, I was inside a shipping container.
I see...
"Fairy-san. What happened?"
"Ah, Leo-kun! Where are you right now!?"
"Uh, inside a container? That's weird. I went into a room to sleep so I wouldn't be in the way..."
"...By any chance, did you enter the room on the left near the shower room?"
"I don't know."
"That's the garbage collection point."
"I see..."
"The King of Chronos was hauled away with the trash!"
Hahaha. Well, that's a problem.
"Where are the Imperial Guards?"
"They're chasing you! But for some reason, I can't track your location data."
Hmm? I checked my terminal.
"It's on."
"Ah, geez! What about the map? Where even are you!?"
"Uh. Huh?"
"What is it?"
"I'm heading in a straight line for the spaceport."
"What are you going to do if this is a kidnapping!?"
"I don't think it is. It's probably just an accident, right?"
My intuition was shot, though. But really, I thought about it. There was no point in kidnapping me. I’d made it so that Chronos's administration could function even without me. They wouldn't be in a bind just because they lost one ace pilot.
Honestly, the only thing that would happen is Chronos getting extremely pissed off.
"Fairy-san, can you stop this thing?"
"Understood. I'll alert the Imperial Guard and Saijo-kun too."
"Why Saijo-kun?"
"He won the right to challenge you in the swordsmanship tournament!"
"Heh, he beat Eddy? That's impressive."
"No, that's not it. If we did it normally, the opponent is always fixed as Eddy-kun, so we decided it by lottery this time. Saijo-kun won the draw."
"Was Saijo-kun always such a battle-junkie?"
"Well, the swordsmanship group has made it their life's goal to land a single hit on Leo-kun."
"Eddy would've been fine! He's about as strong anyway!"
"You're treated as the boss, Leo-kun! Oh, I finished the hack! Stopping the vehicle now."
"Okaaay."
The ground drone that was transporting the trash came to a halt.
"Hmm, what should I do? Maybe I'll find a rental cycle somewhere and head to the station?"
"I'm sending a pickup, so please just stay put."
"Roger that."
There was no one in the drone's driver's seat. There wasn't any faction currently in open conflict with Chronos anyway. It was an accident, definitely an accident.
I sat in a delinquent squat to pass the time. I picked up a small twig nearby and started doodling Kawagon in the dirt.
"Imo-imo~♪"
Then, I spotted a vehicle approaching. Oh, is that my ride?
My ride...
A tank rolled into view.
"Leo-kun, please run," the Fairy's voice crackled.
"Is it the Chronos Army?"
"No, it's a Parcion Army training exercise vehicle."
Wow. How blatant. In other words, there was a faction out there that really wanted to pin the blame on Parcion.
I see...