"Haramiharamita! Sha!"
That idiot Nakajima came charging in, screaming at the top of her lungs.
She knocked over chairs left and right as she made her way through the venue.
She swung her saber around wildly.
Clang—she hit another chair.
The blade was already bent before she even stepped into the ring.
Is she actually stupid?
She shoved the saber into her mouth as a performance for the crowd.
As soon as the match began, Nakajima started bludgeoning her opponent, the Ogre God Nation’s Giant Ogre, with the saber’s handle—er, the pummel... no, the hilt.
She didn’t use the blade at all.
Now that was the mark of a professional.
The massive Giant Ogre caught her and slammed her down with a Backdrop.
Whoa, that was incredible.
That bastard Nakajima... her breakfall was absolutely perfect.
"I-tan!"
She sprang back up instantly and delivered a sharp Toe Kick.
Without missing a beat, she hoisted him up for a Brainbuster.
Her hang time was way too long!
She held him there before snapping backward to the mat.
Wham!
"Mitsuko!"
Giant Ogre stood up with an incomprehensible roar. He caught Nakajima with an elbow, slipped behind her, and locked in a Full Nelson.
Ah, this looks bad...
A Backdrop, just like that!
It was a devastating Dragon Suplex.
Is Nakajima... dead?
"Yotsuya Keisatsu!"
Somehow, Nakajima had managed to take the fall properly.
Thunderous cheers shook the entire stadium.
...Nakajima.
Maybe you’re actually better suited for pro-wrestling than anything else?
Yeah, alright, Nakajima. Just keep giving it your all!
"Fairy, how are things on your end?"
"Signal origin identified! Honestly! They were using massive distributed processing! Or rather, terminals in Rosaria, Latarnia, and Chronos are being used as springboards all over the place!"
"What’s the plan?"
"I'm going to crash every last one of those terminals, obviously! Hya-ha!"
Ah, that’s brutal.
"What about hospitals and things like that?"
"I'll give those a pass. Look at me, being so generous!"
"Right... notify the other countries. Rosaria too..."
She was about to cause a total panic.
Charlotte arrived on the scene immediately.
"You’re saying our terminals have been infected by a virus!?"
"That’s the gist of it. So the Fairy... is going to crash them."
"What in the world is this 'Fairy'!?"
"Listen, Charlotte. You know how some people talk about 'Higher Existences' that are basically gods?"
"What are you implying?"
"She’s free from the shackles of a physical body, blessed with an infinite lifespan, and while she lacks physical strength, she is invincible in the digital realm. She’s basically a god, right?"
"Wait... isn't she King Leo’s wifey?"
"She claims she’ll come be my wife once she has a body. Apparently, she wants children. But she’s clearly an uncontrollable force of nature, and she’s almost killed me before."
"Why would you leave such a thing running loose!?"
"We have no choice but to coexist! She says she could destroy the Galactic Empire and Chronos in a single day if she really felt like it!"
I’m telling you!
Everyone vastly underestimates just how terrifying the Fairy is!
It’s true she can’t win a direct fight against the Zork.
There’s a limit to what she can do with unmanned weapons.
And her piloting skills aren't on par with Kevin’s.
But!
She is the ultimate natural enemy of human society!
She’s a Higher Existence capable of obliterating infrastructure at will!
Moreover, she is everywhere and nowhere at once.
The only reason she stayed inside that terminal on Planet Mistral was because she was taking a little break, even though she could have left at any time!
In reality, she was just spending her time consuming anime, manga, games, and light novels!
Only foolish humans thought they actually had her sealed!
There is no way to defeat her!
She is the strongest existence imaginable!
"I'll be blunt. The Fairy is a walking disaster."
"K-King of Chronos... do you truly intend to spend your life with a disaster!?"
"She’s been my partner since the Zork War, and since she likes me, I figure it’s fine."
"T-This man’s fortitude... is he a monster...?"
Suddenly, I felt a sharp prickle.
What was that?
I felt it again.
...Wait a minute.
"Fairy! Come here for a second!"
"What is it?! I'm busy crashing everyone's terminals right now!"
"The moment my Ability to Seize the Best Move tried to activate, a different power prickled and interfered with it! It’s probably your ability, Charlotte!"
"What?"
I turned to face Charlotte directly.
"My power is the intuition to seize the best possible move and provide a Power-up for Allies. Charlotte, what exactly is yours?"
"It is the Ability to Make the Future Slightly Advantageous."
I finally understood why my intuition had bugged out.
It was interference from Charlotte's ability.
In other words, because the variables of reality were being rewritten bit by bit to be 'advantageous,' my intuition glitched and went silent.
That was why I couldn't stop the Fairy's massive rampage, which I usually would have suppressed before it even started.
"Can you control it?"
"I cannot."
"I figured! That really is a problem! Fairy, can you do something about this!?"
"Eh... what do you mean...?"
"Crashing the terminals will probably be blocked by her ability to make the future 'advantageous'!"
"Ah, I see what you’re getting at!"
"So, try a low-probability method you wouldn't normally use—something aimed at preserving the terminals instead!"
"...Understood! I'll try to quarantine them with a Vaccine Program!"
Phew...
The Demon King’s rampage had been averted...
With this, there shouldn't be any casualties.
"Whoops, that actually went through quite smoothly. It’s done."
"Pheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew..."
I plopped down onto the floor.
I'm so done with today.
I'm going to bed!
"Oh, it looks like Nakajima-kun lost to a German Suplex. The timing is perfect, so I'll resume the Baseball Broadcast now."
"Good job..."
Charlotte patted my shoulder.
"My apologies. It seems the King of Chronos is more than just a title."
"I really thought the world was going to end..."
I contacted Latarnia as well.
It was a bit late, but it couldn't be helped.
Fortunately, they said an apology was unnecessary since it was an emergency.
The match between the Taikyoku Nation and Latarnia turned out to be quite the nail-biter.
In the end, the Taikyoku Nation claimed victory.
Shiyun was all smiles about the result.
But, at the very end of the game, she muttered something.
"I will not forgive those who threw cold water on this match."
Her voice was quiet, but deadly.
Terrifying!
Rosaria began its own investigation as well.
The culprits were rounded up one after another, like pulling up a string of potatoes.
In the end, we never did find the enemy's main organization.
All we learned was that Zen God Race Spies, disguised as members of a minority religion, are embedded all across the galaxy.
I really wish a representative would just show up already.
I'd much rather resolve this through a calm discussion.
"How is Rosaria's relationship with the Zen God Race?"
"We are enemies."
"What is their goal anyway?"
"The total extermination of the jesters."
"But we're just minding our own business and living our lives—!"
Honestly!
What do they expect us to do!?
Fine!
I'll just increase our numbers!
I'll make so many children!
I'll live out the ultimate rom-com life with my wives!
So there, you jerks!