Latarnia had been eliminated.
Still, they were met with a warm round of applause for their display of pure sportsmanship.
As for the almost too-serious Taikyoku Nation, Shiyun paid a personal visit to Nakajima and the masters to offer her gratitude. This wasn't a casual visit from the usual little girl of the Galactic Empire; it was a formal diplomatic appearance as the Taikyoku Emperor. She presented them with a Letter of Appreciation and praised Nakajima and the others for their valiant efforts.
"This is why the Taikyoku Nation is so formidable. They really are a major power," I remarked.
"I was only following Lord Leo's example, you know?" Shiyun tilted her head curiously.
Wait, me?
"Claire... please."
"Yes, I've already secured the budget. Just make sure you actually submit the match schedule in advance next time," Claire replied.
Honestly, I felt that leaving pro-wrestling to run wild in the streets was the real problem here. They might hate the idea of being 'collared,' but please, just let us manage it! I’m begging you! Think about the social impact!
With that settled, the next match was the Ogre God Nation versus Chronos. It was scheduled for tomorrow.
Could I just run away tonight?
"Absolutely not," Claire said, catching me instantly.
Having no other choice, I tried appealing to Wifey.
"Wifey! Claire is being so mean to me!"
"You have quite the nerve, talking about another woman right in front of me," Veronica replied coolly.
Ah, bad move. Time to retreat.
"I... I just realized I forgot my Latarnia language lesson."
"I heard you were already fluent at a native level."
"It’s a lesson on how to whisper sweet nothings to my Wifey. I love you."
"Oh, is that so?"
She completely brushed me off. How tragic.
"Oh, that reminds me, Lord Groom. A petition for professional registration has arrived from the Auto Race Association. It seems your recent escape attempt caught quite a lot of eyes."
Why do my actions always turn into flags for future trouble?!
"If it’s just about doing laps, wouldn't regular professionals be much better at it?"
"It is not that kind of race. It is a street circuit using the Chronos Royal Capital City Area."
"Wait, what? My heart is actually skipping a beat at that."
"You are fond of such things, are you not?"
Well... yeah... but I could only see a future where I ended up in a massive wreck. Accidents and I were practically inseparable.
"I like it, but... isn't it dangerous?"
"Kyoko and Luna have already begun developing a Monster Machine. Lord Groom, would you truly ask me to unleash Luna back onto the world? She has finally grown bored of her retaliations and settled down as a quiet Taijin."
"...I will participate-muscle! But only if the other guys are dragged in under collective responsibility!"
"Lepsitol shall participate as well."
"What about Parcion?"
"Those ones are averse to cultural exchange..."
"I figured as much!"
I was supposed to be going on a peaceful tour on an American Bike, and now I was stuck in a race with a Monster Machine? Even though I was technically the cause of the whole mess, I felt like crying. I was just trying to go shopping on a Mamachari...
Still, I wondered if there was any way to get the Parcionians to come out into the public eye.
"What about Rosaria?"
Rosaria was planning to stay for about a year anyway. When a fortress is that massive, it takes several months just to handle resupply. With that kind of mass, things tended to break all over the place just by moving. It was basically like a sailing ship from the Age of Discovery. They were currently undergoing repairs.
In the meantime, they would likely be taking our technology and culture back with them. Then again, we had 'borrowed' quite a bit of their technology during the chaos of the Fairy’s recent rampage. It was a fair trade, really.
For now, we were also building a colony within a reasonable distance. From a strategic standpoint, increasing the number of bases we had to defend wasn't ideal, but considering the trade potential with Rosaria, it was a necessary move. It also fell under the idea that the more allies the Jester had, the better. It was all a bit of a headache.
"By the way, have you forgotten something?"
"Forgotten what?"
"The Humanoid Fighter Tournament!"
"No! Nooo! I don't want to enter!"
I collapsed onto the floor right then and there, flailing my arms and legs like a toddler.
"And the martial arts tournament as well!"
"Noooooo!"
"I see. Piggett, if you would."
On cue, Piggett appeared.
"Unarmed combat training starts now. Let’s go, Your Majesty."
He caught my legs between his arms and began dragging me away.
"No! I just want to stay here and be lovey-dovey! I’m a creature that belongs in Rom-com Space-time! Aaaaaaaaaggh!"
"Lord Groom is supposed to be the ultimate Warrior Race, yet look at him..."
And so, I was hauled off to the training hall along with the other men who had been rounded up. There were the men of the Chronos Imperial Guard, the Taikyoku Nation Personal Guard... plus the Armored Rikishi and Ninjas, who all looked like prisoners being led to their execution. On the other hand, the Ogre God Nation People looked absolutely delighted.
"Yes! Piggett-sensei! What are we doing today?"
Piggett gave a wicked smirk. "It is time for Special Instructor Huma-sensei."
Huma-san! You were kidnapped too?!
"I'm Huma. So, I’ve been given the impossible task of bringing the representatives of these various nations up to a level where they can actually hold a match against those idiot men over there. Rosaria will be joining the camp later as well. King of Chronos, you understand, right? You’re the one in overall charge."
"Uwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"
I wanted to cry. This meant I had to push them to the brink of death so they wouldn't embarrass themselves. Fine! Let's do this!
"Alright, you bastards! It’s time for sparring, you morons!" I shouted, switching gears as I changed into a Judo Uniform.
"And there’s the King’s switch. Right, then. I’ll take charge of the Ninja training."
Ah, the Ninja squad was as good as dead. Even now, I still felt like I couldn't beat Huma-san. The Non-commissioned Officers of the Galactic Empire were no joke; they were terrifyingly strong.
"Everyone... you might die, but just try to endure it."
"Lord Shaman! Noooooooooo!"
I couldn't help them anymore. I began my own sparring, with the screams of the Ninja squad and the Armored Rikishi serving as my background music.
"I heard you were sumo wrestlers, but is this all you've got?! Hmph!"
THUD!
A Rikishi who had been thrown with a textbook Overarm Throw came flying toward me.
"Hahaha! Good! Push harder! Come on!"
WHAM!
Another Rikishi came rolling across the floor.
"Next, you Ninjas! You’re up! Come at me!"
"Gyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"
Now it looked like Judo. It was honestly pitiful how easily they were being tossed around.
SPLAT!
"Judo Club! Start teaching them from the absolute basics!"
Unarmed combat really is a different beast.
"Your Majesty! Please teach us wrestling!"
"What? No!" I protested. "My style isn't about mastering one school. I’m a tactician who changes my style based on my opponent!"
"Just do it!"
Sniffle.
I had one of the Armored Rikishi grab my belt. The moment I tensed up to try and catch him—WHAM—I was slammed down from above. I ended up pancaked against the floor.
"There. Don't let your weight settle in one spot," Huma-san coached.
"Huma-sensei! The level is way too different!" the Armored Rikishi cried out in unison, complaining to Huma-san.
"Your Majesty! Be gentler!"
"Look, that's why I'm telling you to move more fluidly. It's not about the specific technique; it's about the distancing. This is an interdisciplinary match, so there’s no need to collide head-on."
As I spoke, I firmly grappled with an opponent who charged at me.
"I... I can't move..."
"See? You're stiffening up right here. That's why you have to stay fluid."
And with a casual toss, I sent him flying.
"Huma-sensei, it's impossible! This is no help at all!"
"Your Majesty! More gently, please!"
Sniffle.
My entire foundation was based on swordsmanship! I couldn't teach them Sumo!
"Just make sure they don't embarrass themselves!"
"Waaaaaaaah!"