[Serina Mikage POV]
"Naoki-kun... has a girl ever told you how she feels about you?"
The question I voiced seemed to linger in the quiet of the library.
The afternoon sunlight slanting through the window had tilted slightly further, casting a pale glow across the corner of the open workbook. The distant sound of turning pages had ceased, replaced by the soft rustle of leaves swaying in the breeze outside.
Naoki-kun didn't answer right away. Keeping his gaze on me, he blinked once, then tilted his eyes slightly upward, as though tracing back through the past.
The longer he took to think, the more restless my chest became.
Had there been so many that he couldn't recall them immediately?
Or was he hesitating over whose name he was allowed to mention?
Just as the silhouette of some faceless girl—whom I had tried repeatedly to banish since lunch break—began to surface once more, Naoki-kun brought his eyes back to me, and—
He slowly shook his head.
"No, not as far as I can remember."
I didn't know if I was allowed to believe him right away.
Even searching Naoki-kun's face, there was no sign that he had chosen those words just to reassure me. He genuinely seemed to have combed through his memories and answered to the best of his knowledge.
"...Not even once?"
"Yeah. At least, I don't remember ever being told that someone liked me, or being asked to go out with them, or anything like that."
"...I-I see."
Though I hadn't meant to let it out, a deep breath escaped from the depths of my chest.
Ever since finding that letter in my shoe locker this morning, tension had apparently remained trapped somewhere inside me. Having blindly imagined a rival who didn't even exist—obsessing over it to a point where even I found myself tiresome—that anxiety gradually melted away under Naoki-kun's answer.
Thank goodness.
I nearly blurted it out, hurriedly pressing my lips together.
Being relieved to hear that no one had ever confessed to Naoki-kun was completely absurd no matter how you looked at it. Since I had just been worrying over nothing on my own, I had to make sure he didn't realize how relieved I was.
Trying to feign composure, I was just about to look back down at my workbook when it happened.
"...Ah."
A small sound escaped Naoki-kun's lips.
My heart, which had just begun to ease, instantly clenched. Snapping my eyes back up from the workbook, I saw Naoki-kun looking like someone who had just remembered something.
"Come to think of it—"
"There is someone?!"
My chest, which had just been calming down, flared into a panic in a split second.
"Who said what to you?!"
Even after throwing out the questions, I couldn't bear to just sit there waiting for an answer. Planting both hands on the desk, I leaned across, peering intently into Naoki-kun's face.
I had no idea what kind of expression I was making, but Naoki-kun's eyes widened, his shoulders pulling back slightly.
"...N-No, I just suddenly remembered that back when Koharu was in nursery school, she once invited me on a date in the backyard at home..."
"............Koharu-chan?"
"Yeah..."
"............"
The moment I heard that reply, the shadow of the faceless girl that had haunted me since lunch lost its outline and vanished without a trace.
In its place rose the heartwarming image of a young Koharu-chan taking Naoki-kun by the hand to lead him out into the yard.
As I remained frozen leaning forward, silently staring at him, Naoki-kun blinked a few times with a troubled look.
Before I even realized it, my hands had moved.
Cupping Naoki-kun's cheeks from both sides, I squished them together slightly.
"Naoki-kun, that doesn't count."
With his cheeks pressed inward, Naoki-kun's lips puckered out.
"Sherina-shan..."
"Koharu-chan is your little sister. That's not the kind of thing I was asking about."
"Sh-Sho-ry..."
Knowing it had only been Koharu-chan, the remaining anxiety in my chest finally unraveled completely.
The stark contrast to his usual composed expression was so funny that I couldn't hold back a soft giggle.
"Ahem."
My shoulders jumped at the deliberate cough from the direction of the checkout counter.
Shifting only my eyes, I saw the library aide looking over at us. Only then did I realize that in a library with other students around, I had been leaning across the desk, continuing to squish Naoki-kun's cheeks.
Hurriedly pulling my hands away, I sat back down in my chair without making a sound, folding my hands neatly in my lap.
"...I'm sorry. Please forget that just happened."
Naoki-kun rested a hand against his cheek, looking pensive.
"No. Forgetting that might be a little difficult."
"E-Even if it's difficult, forget it."
"All right. I won't count Koharu."
"Not that part... Honestly. You're mean..."
When I lowered my voice and glared at him, Naoki-kun lowered his brows in an apologetic look. Even so, he apparently couldn't stifle his amusement, the firm line of his mouth softening into a faint smile.
I probably had every right to keep glaring at him a bit longer, but watching that smile of his, the tension naturally drained from my shoulders.
Touching his cheeks, being teased, and snapping back that he was being mean. The fact that we had grown close enough to share moments like this made me genuinely happy.
I looked down at the hands in my lap. The warmth from touching Naoki-kun's cheeks still lingered on my palms. Even if it had been on impulse, the realization that I had done something like that on my own initiative made my cheeks flush hot after the fact.
To cover up my embarrassment, I returned my gaze to the open workbook.
With our banter broken off, the library's stillness returned. Naoki-kun started to reach for the mechanical pencil on the desk, but stopped as if reconsidering.
"More importantly, about that letter from earlier."
"...Huh?"
"I don't know if it's my place to say this, but... when I heard about it, my whole body kind of tensed up. I can't really explain it well myself, though."
The soft atmosphere from just a moment ago shifted slightly.
Naoki-kun's voice was steady, yet I could tell he had hesitated before speaking.
"About me... getting confessed to?"
"Yeah. I was worried if he'd made things difficult for you. But it wasn't just that..."
Naoki-kun paused, letting his gaze fall to the desk.
The angled sunlight illuminated his profile and the fingertips resting against the workbook. By the window, the lace curtain billowed gently in the breeze, its shadow drifting slowly across the tabletop.
Eventually, Naoki-kun looked back at me.
"Until I heard... how you answered him, Serina-san... I couldn't really settle down."
Naoki-kun's words sank quietly into the depths of my chest.
If he heard that an unfamiliar guy had called me out, it was only natural to worry whether something bad had happened.
However, that wasn't the only reason Naoki-kun had been unsettled.
Whether I had accepted the confession or turned it down. He had cared about my answer, too.
The sheer joy of that filled me with a quiet warmth.
"I turned him down."
"Yeah. You said so earlier."
"I didn't hesitate, either. From the moment I read the letter, I didn't even consider any other answer."
Having conveyed that much, the other words I had spoken during lunch break rose to my throat.
I have someone I like.
During lunch break, I had been able to say those words without hesitation—because they were meant to reject that upperclassman.
Yet, facing the person in question, that very same phrase caught in the back of my throat. If I said it to Naoki-kun, it wouldn't just be an explanation of why I had rejected someone.
Right now, I still lacked the courage to tell Naoki-kun how I felt. But that didn't mean I was content just staying friends forever, either.
Someday, I wanted to properly convey my feelings and become Naoki-kun's girlfriend.
That was precisely why getting rejected wasn't the only thing that scared me.
Even if he couldn't return my feelings, someone like Naoki-kun wouldn't push me away. He would surely choose his words carefully and try to preserve the relationship we had built.
That was supposed to be kindness, but the thought of continuing to smile by his side without ever becoming his girlfriend tightened my chest with a painful ache.
A day might come when Naoki-kun fell in love with someone else, and I would have to listen to him talk about it as just a friend.
I didn't yet have the courage to overcome the fear of our current relationship changing, nor did I have the resolve to accept such a future.
That was why I kept the most important reason inside my heart.
When I raised my head without having said anything, Naoki-kun's gaze was still fixed on me.
Deep in the library, the sound of someone closing a book echoed. The wait for the next words felt so long that even that tiny sound seemed loud.
Eventually, the tension eased slightly from the fingers Naoki-kun had rested against the edge of his notebook.
"I see."
It was a brief reply, but his voice sounded softer than before. Learning that I had turned the boy down without hesitation seemed to have dissolved some of the tension inside Naoki-kun as well.
That subtle shift brought me so much joy that the depths of my chest grew warm.
However, without prying into the reason why I had turned him down, Naoki-kun looked back at the open workbook.
Even if he asked, I couldn't answer him right now. And yet, the thought of this ending without him asking anything at all made me want to know just how much Naoki-kun cared.
"...Aren't you going to ask why I turned him down?"
Naoki-kun's gaze shifted from the workbook back to me. After a brief pause, as if considering it, he answered in a gentle voice.
"I am curious."
"Even so, you won't ask?"
"Yeah. It looks hard for you to talk about, Serina-san, so I don't think it's something I should force out of you."
When I stayed silent, Naoki-kun didn't press for an answer. While resting his fingers on the mechanical pencil lying on the desk, he didn't immediately go back to the problems, simply looking at me quietly.
Even if he wanted to know, he wouldn't demand the answer for his own sake. He left the choice of whether to speak entirely up to me.
Some people might feel like they were being kept at a distance if things were left unsaid. But Naoki-kun didn't interpret my silence that way. That fact came through clearly from his eyes as they met mine without wavering.
—That quiet way of waiting dredged up a memory of my father on the other side of a closed door.
◇◇◇
Back in middle school, the words of a boy I had trusted for a long time—words I had overheard by chance—along with the laughter of the people around him, remained ringing in my ears even after I got home.
When I shut the front door, my mother poked her head out from the kitchen at the sound.
"Welcome home, Serina."
"...I'm home."
Looking down so she wouldn't see my face, I hurried to take off my shoes. Just as I was about to head straight for the stairs, my mother called out to me.
"Serina, what's wrong?"
"Nothing."
I tried to answer normally, but my voice trembled so badly that even I could tell.
My mother didn't come closer right away. She simply asked once more, sounding worried.
"Did something happen at school?"
I should have just gone to my room without a word. And yet, the moment I heard my mother's voice, the emotions I had held back all day surged into my throat.
"...And I trusted him."
The voice that escaped my lips was shockingly frail, even to my own ears.
"I trusted him all this time, but he tricked me... and everyone around us knew..."
Unable to keep my voice steady, tears spilled down my cheeks. Even when I hurriedly wiped them away with the back of my hand, more welled up to take their place.
I sensed my mother approaching, but I couldn't say anything more. Clutched tightly to my bag, I bolted up the stairs and fled into my room.
The moment I entered, without even changing out of my uniform, I closed the door and locked it from the inside.
Drawing the curtains, I dropped my bag onto the floor. I sank down against the wall beside my bed, pulling my knees to my chest.
My mother called my name several times from the hallway, but I couldn't answer. If I opened my mouth, I felt like I would relive everything that had happened from the very beginning.
I thought it was my fault for trusting someone.
Just because someone was kind to me didn't mean I should have believed in them. Finding joy in someone smiling at me, feeling safe when someone listened to me—I told myself over and over that it was all just my own foolish misunderstanding.
Even as it grew dark outside the window, I couldn't bring myself to turn on the light. As I sat motionless holding my knees, deep wrinkles formed in my uniform skirt, and the shoulder I had pressed against the wall began to ache.
Eventually, the front door clicked open, and on the other side of the hallway, my father and mother began speaking in hushed voices. I couldn't make out what they were saying, but after a while, footsteps approached up the stairs.
The footsteps stopped in front of the door, followed by a single, reserved knock.
"Serina. It's Dad."
I didn't answer.
Clutching the edge of the blanket, I held my breath without making a sound. I thought he might tell me to open the door, but no voice came rushing me to reply.
"You can stay like that. You don't have to answer, either."
The hallway light shining beneath the door dimmed slightly.
After the rustle of clothes, the shadow stopped moving. I realized my father had sat down on the floor outside the door.
He didn't speak to me right away.
Without asking again what had happened at school, and without trying to convince me to unlock the door, he simply stayed there, separated by a single thin barrier.
I didn't know how much time passed.
Silence reigned inside the room, and from beyond the door, only the faint rustle of my father occasionally shifting his posture could be heard. Even when those sounds ceased, I never worried that he had walked away. The shadow cast beneath the door remained right where it was.
After a long silence, my father spoke slowly.
"I heard a little bit from your mother."
His voice was lower than usual, conveying even through the wood that he was choosing his words with care.
"Honestly, Dad doesn't know what he should do for you at times like this, Serina."
With my face buried in my knees, I listened.
"I can't hurt in your place, and I can't undo what happened today. That's why I can't say easy things like 'it'll be okay' or 'you'll forget about it soon.'"
I hadn't wanted empty encouragement.
Even having the pain I felt right now brushed aside as something that would vanish with time was more than I could bear.
My father said neither of those things.
"But you weren't in the wrong for trusting someone, Serina. That's the one thing I want you to remember."
My heart trembled.
Ever since coming home, I had told myself over and over that it was my fault for believing. If I didn't think that way, I couldn't accept why I was the only one who hadn't known, the only one being laughed at.
"Just because someone hurt your trust doesn't mean your feelings were a mistake, Serina."
The voice reaching me from beyond the closed door dismantled the self-blame I had leveled against myself, one word at a time.
"Right now, it's fine if you feel like you don't want to trust anyone anymore. You don't have to bounce back right away, either."
My father paused. After the soft sound of a breath, his gentle voice continued.
"But someday, if you ever feel like you want to trust someone again, you don't have to give up on that feeling. You don't have to let today rob you of the feelings you'll have in the future, Serina."
Even when I closed my eyes, the laughter from school refused to fade. Even so, as long as I listened to my father's voice, that sound seemed to drift a little farther away.
The rustle of clothes came from outside the door.
"If you want to talk, I'll listen. If you don't want to talk, I won't ask a thing. Dad will stay here for a little while longer."
After that, my father fell silent again.
He didn't ask me to open up, nor did he ask to see my face. He was simply waiting on the other side of the door to see what I would do.
I couldn't stand up immediately.
However, staring at the shadow stretched beneath the door, I gradually pulled my back away from the wall. Moving my numb legs, I pushed myself up using the bed for support.
Even when I reached for the lock, my fingers hesitated.
It wasn't as if I could suddenly talk about what happened. If I saw his face, I might just start crying all over again. Even so, rather than staying alone, I wanted to be near my father on the other side of the door.
With a small click, the lock turned.
When I eased the door open, the hallway light cut a thin beam across the dark room's floor.
Still in his work clothes, my father sat leaning against the wall beside the door. Only his necktie was slightly loosened, an arm resting on one raised knee.
Even when I appeared, he didn't rush to his feet. Without asking what had happened, he simply shifted his body to the side a little, clearing a spot for me to sit beside him.
Stepping out of the room, I sank down next to him.
Even though he was right there, my father didn't touch me. Without pulling me into a hug or leaning in to look at my face, he simply leaned against the same wall and looked straight ahead.
"...Dad."
"Yeah."
"I... still can't talk about it."
"You don't have to."
Listening to that voice, I reached toward my father's arm resting on his knee. After a moment's hesitation, I gripped the sleeve of his jacket with my fingertips.
Only then did my father move.
Over my hand clutching his sleeve, his large palm rested gently. Rather than pulling me in, it was a touch so light that I could pull away whenever I wanted.
"...I don't want to trust anyone anymore."
"Yeah."
"But... I hate being alone, too..."
"I know."
My father said nothing more.
Feeling the warmth covering the back of my hand, the tears that had stopped began to spill over again. This time, I couldn't even stifle my sobs, choking on my breath repeatedly with my head hung low.
All the while, my father never let go of my hand.
The wounds from school didn't magically heal, nor did the fear of trusting people vanish.
Even so, the words telling me that I didn't have to blame myself for trusting someone remained deep in my heart, along with the memory of my father waiting for me outside that closed door.
◇◇◇
"Serina-san?"
Overlapping with my father's memory, Naoki-kun's voice brought me back.
When I looked up, Naoki-kun was watching me with concern from across the desk.
"I'm sorry. I was just remembering something."
"Did I make you remember something painful?"
"No. Some hard things happened, but that wasn't all."
Blinking to clear the lingering heat from my eyes, I met Naoki-kun's gaze.
"Back in middle school, there was a time when I couldn't leave my room. Back then, my dad waited for me until I was ready to talk on my own."
"Your father did, Serina-san?"
"Yeah. Without forcing the door open, he stayed right beside me the whole time until I came out myself."
I hadn't explained everything. Even so, Naoki-kun listened without interrupting.
"Your father really treasures you, Serina-san."
"Yeah. He always has."
That day, what my father had been waiting for wasn't just the moment the door to my room opened.
He had been waiting for the day when I might want to trust someone again—believing that a day would come when I wouldn't give up on that feeling and would reach out to someone on my own.
That day had truly come.
Right now, I wanted to see the person in front of me, going out of my way to invite him to my classroom, making countless promises to spend time together.
"You're a little like him, Naoki-kun."
"Me?"
"The way you don't force me to answer, waiting until I decide for myself."
"...All I can do is wait until you feel like talking on your own, Serina-san."
Apparently not thinking he had said anything special, Naoki-kun maintained his calm expression.
"Still, other than my dad, you're the first person who's ever waited for me like that, Naoki-kun."
Neither my father nor the Naoki-kun before my eyes had ever tried to force that final step on me.
Precisely because they left that step to me, I was able to open the door and reach out to accept their kindness on my own.
"...Thank you."
"Huh?"
"For not forcing me to say anything. I still can't tell you right now, but once I'm ready to talk about it, I'll tell you myself."
Without trying to pry, Naoki-kun simply gave a single, quiet nod.
"All right."
Saying only that, he picked his mechanical pencil back up from the desk.
I brought the hands resting in my lap back to the desk as well, looking down at the open workbook.
"Well then, let's keep going. Sorry for stopping us halfway through."
"Don't worry about it. Next was this problem, right?"
"Yeah. I'll focus properly this time."
"No need to rush."
"No, I'm going to work hard."
"...Well then, let's both do our best."
Naoki-kun smiled softly, and I couldn't help but smile in return.
This morning, all I could think about was whether to sit across from him or next to him, turning it over in my head again and again.
Right now, across the desk, Naoki-kun was looking at the next problem. Even though there was the width of a desk between us, he didn't feel far away at all.
Inside my heart, words that had yet to be spoken remained.
Right now, I still didn't have the courage to offer them to Naoki-kun. But I didn't intend to keep them hidden forever, either.
Someday, not as an excuse to reject someone else, but as words meant solely for Naoki-kun, I wanted to tell him that I loved him.
Until that day, cherishing every second right in front of me, I ran my mechanical pencil across the next problem.