[Serina Mikage POV]
On Tuesday morning, I woke up before my alarm went off.
The light filtering through the gap in the curtains was still dim, and from across the hallway, I could hear my mother preparing breakfast.
After checking the clock by my pillow, I turned to the bag hanging on my chair.
I had already packed my workbook last night. I hadn't forgotten my notebook or pencil case either. I had even double-checked today's schedule before going to sleep.
Even so, once I finished changing, I found myself unzipping my bag once again.
The spine of the workbook was visible between my textbooks. Confirming it with my fingertips, I finally zipped it shut.
Today, I was going to study with Naoki-kun after school.
What had been a promise for tomorrow until yesterday had quietly turned into today's plans while I slept.
Would we sit across from each other in the library? Or would it be better to sit side by side if we were working through the same problems?
If we sat next to each other, I wouldn't have to shift the notebook back and forth when explaining something. But if we sat that close the whole time, I didn't know if I'd be able to concentrate properly on the material.
(...We're going to the library to study, after all.)
Reminding myself of that, I picked up my bag.
Though it weighed the same as always, my footsteps toward the front door felt just a little lighter than yesterday.
◇◇◇
By the time I reached school, the morning sunlight stretched past the front gates.
At the entrance, the chatter of students changing shoes mingled with the clatter of shoebox doors closing. A boy nearby turned around to call out to a friend, so I gave him a wide berth to avoid bumping into him before heading toward my shoebox.
The moment I opened the door, my hand froze.
A single white envelope rested on top of my indoor shoes.
Inside the dim shoebox, that stark whiteness stood out vividly.
My name was written across the front.
I turned the envelope over. The instant I saw an unfamiliar boy's name written on the back, the light, fluttering feeling that had been in my chest all morning sank like a stone.
"Serina?"
Hearing my name from behind, I turned around with the envelope still in hand.
Miu had paused on her way to her own shoebox. Her gaze drifted down toward my hands.
"Was that inside?"
"Yeah."
"Are you going to read it here?"
There were still plenty of students around us.
I shook my head and slipped the envelope into my bag.
"The classroom is fine."
My voice came out colder than I had intended.
Miu didn't press the matter, quietly waiting while I finished changing my shoes.
Rio and Kotoha were already in the classroom. When I set my bag down, the two of them called out to me as usual.
After returning their greetings, I placed the envelope onto my desk.
"This was in my shoebox."
Rio started to say something, but closed her mouth the moment she saw my face. Kotoha pulled her chair in and stood in a way that blocked the view of my desk from the rest of the room.
When I took the letter out of the envelope, a few short lines were written across the paper.
"To Serina Mikage-san.
I'm sorry for writing to you out of the blue like this.
I have liked you for a while now, Mikage-san.
I'd like to tell you how I feel in person.
Could you please come behind the gymnasium whenever it's convenient for you during lunch break today?
I will be waiting there the entire time.
Class 3-2, Kei Kitaoji"
After reading all the way to the name at the end, I turned the letter facedown on the desk.
"...Kitaoji? As in the basketball team?" Rio asked in a hushed voice.
"Do you know him?"
"Just the name. He's a third-year on the basketball team. Tall, stands out, and I'm pretty sure he's popular with the girls."
Even after being told, no face came to mind.
I didn't want to picture him, either.
Knowing that someone had secretly harbored feelings for me made even the tips of my fingers feel restless and unsettled.
I recalled what Miu had mentioned yesterday.
Boys who hadn't approached me before might start coming up to talk to me.
I thought I had understood that in theory. But facing a letter with an actual name written on it carried a completely different weight than hearing about it yesterday.
"I probably don't even need to ask, but what's your answer?" Miu asked, and I slipped the letter back into its envelope.
"I'm turning him down."
That was the one thing I didn't need to deliberate over.
"I'll go during lunch break and tell him properly."
"If you don't want to see him, you don't have to force yourself to go, you know," Kotoha said softly.
"I know. But I'd hate leaving him there, wondering if I might still show up."
I didn't want to leave room for ambiguity.
Rather than giving half-hearted excuses—like saying today wasn't a good time or that I wasn't looking to date anyone right now—I wanted to make it clear that I would never be able to return his feelings.
"...I'm going to tell him that I already have someone I like." Keeping my eyes fixed on the corner of the envelope, I continued. "I'll tell him I can't imagine being with anyone else, so I won't be able to reciprocate his feelings now or in the future. That's what I plan to say."
The three of them fell quiet for a moment.
Saying it out loud made me feel self-conscious, but I had no desire to take it back.
The promises I had made of my own accord yesterday, and the excitement I felt about after school today—all of it was directed toward the exact same person.
There was simply no room for anyone else.
"Right. If you say that, I'm sure it'll get through to him," Miu replied in her usual composed tone. "Just don't go alone."
"We'll come along too. We'll wait a little ways away."
At Rio's offer, I looked up.
"But what about your lunch...?"
"It's not like it's going to take all of lunch break. We can just eat together when we get back. Besides, there's no way we could just sit here eating while sending you off on your own, Serina," Kotoha stated as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
I had no hesitation about rejecting him. Even so, the thought of facing an unfamiliar boy entirely alone made my body tense up.
If the three of them were nearby, I wouldn't have to worry about that.
"...Thank you. Do you mind?"
"Of course not."
Rio nodded, and Miu gave a quiet nod of her own.
I put the envelope back in my bag and pulled the zipper shut.
◇◇◇
When fourth period ended, we left our lunchboxes in the classroom and stood up from our desks.
Parting ways with the students heading for the cafeteria and the school store, we walked down the path leading toward the gymnasium.
Lively chatter drifted from the open windows of the school building, but as we turned alongside the gym, the voices faded into the distance. The shadow cast against the wall was narrow, and dry leaves skittered across the ground, scraping against the asphalt in the breeze.
Just before turning the corner, Rio stopped.
"Is that him?"
Behind the gymnasium, a single boy in uniform stood waiting.
He was tall, around one hundred eighty centimeters, with short, slightly wavy black hair. Though lean, he had broad shoulders, easily fitting Rio's description of a basketball player.
Just as the letter had said, he seemed to have been waiting here. There were no other students in sight.
"We'll stay right here," Kotoha said, gesturing to a spot a short distance from the wall.
If I turned around, I would be able to see all three of them. Our normal speaking voices probably wouldn't carry that far, but they were close enough to step in immediately if anything went wrong.
"If you feel uncomfortable, you can come right back, even mid-conversation."
Giving Miu a nod, I rounded the corner alone.
Hearing my footsteps, the boy turned around.
"Mikage-san. You came."
"Yes. Because I received your letter."
"Thank you. I'm Kitaoji from the third year."
Kitaoji-senpai started to take a step forward, but seeing me stop in my tracks, he stayed where he was.
A distance of several paces remained between us.
The fact that he hadn't closed the gap let me breathe a quiet sigh of relief.
"Sorry for calling you out so suddenly. I've wanted to talk to you for a while now..." Kitaoji-senpai paused, briefly glancing down at his hands. "Yesterday, I saw you talking with a guy. Seeing that made me realize I should properly convey my feelings, too."
I immediately knew he was talking about Naoki-kun.
Just as I thought, seeing us together had prompted this.
He didn't know that I couldn't just talk to anyone like that.
"At first, I saw you in the hallway and thought you were pretty. Then I saw you laughing with your friends a few times, and after that, I really wanted to get to know you better, Mikage-san." Kitaoji-senpai looked straight at me. "I like you, Mikage-san. If you're willing, I'd like you to go out with me. If jumping straight into dating is too much, I'd be happy just starting out as friends."
I waited for senpai to finish speaking before opening my mouth.
"I'm sorry. I have someone I like."
My voice came out clearer and firmer than I had expected.
"I can't imagine being with anyone else. That's why I can't go out with you, nor can we start as friends. I won't be able to return your feelings in the future, either."
Kitaoji-senpai didn't reply right away.
He stared at me in silence, but as I stood my ground without softening my words, he eventually let out a quiet breath.
"...I see."
I thought that would be the end of it, but Kitaoji-senpai lowered his gaze, looking hesitant.
"It might be rude, and it's probably not something I should be asking right after getting rejected, but... do you mind if I ask just one thing?"
"What is it?"
"About that guy you were talking to yesterday."
At those words, I tensed slightly.
"I'd heard you weren't great with guys, so I was curious how you two got so close. Have you known each other for a while, or are you childhood friends?"
I had no intention of letting the story of Naoki-kun saving me from the fire spread any further around the school.
If only the bare facts got out, people might start spreading baseless rumors—saying I was only sticking around him to repay a debt, or that Naoki-kun had used the rescue to take advantage of me.
I didn't want anyone talking about us like that.
Besides, this involved Naoki-kun as well. It wasn't something I had the right to talk about freely behind his back.
"...I can't talk about that."
"Right. Sorry. I shouldn't have pried." Kitaoji-senpai didn't press any further. "Thank you for coming to give me your answer in person. And sorry for calling you out during lunch."
"...No. Well then, excuse me."
Giving a brief bow, I turned back the way I had come.
He didn't call after me.
When the three of them started walking toward me a few steps ahead, I gave a small nod to let them know everything was fine.
I have someone I like.
When I spoke those words, Naoki-kun had surfaced in my mind without a shred of hesitation.
There was no lie in saying I couldn't imagine anyone else, either. It wasn't just a harsh excuse to get the other person to give up.
I truly, genuinely wanted Naoki-kun.
The moment that thought crystallized, my footsteps slowed.
—Does Naoki-kun get confessions from girls like this, too?
A breeze swept behind the gym, rustling the dry leaves beneath my feet. Even as the dry sound faded away, I couldn't bring myself to look up right away.
"Serina?"
I raised my head at Rio's voice.
I had made it back to the three of them, but I had apparently stopped dead in my tracks without saying a word.
"How did it go?"
"...I turned him down properly. He said he understood."
"I see. That's a relief." Rio sighed in relief. Beside her, Kotoha was still watching me closely.
"Did he say anything unpleasant?"
"No. Nothing."
Kitaoji-senpai had accepted my answer. He had asked how I got close to Naoki-kun, but when I told him I couldn't talk about it, he hadn't pushed.
I wasn't supposed to be thinking about the confession anymore.
Yet, a completely different weight pressed against my chest.
"Let's head back. We still have to eat lunch," Miu urged, and I began walking alongside the three of them.
The path back to the school building felt much longer than it had on the way there.
Did letters ever show up in Naoki-kun's shoebox, too?
Did unfamiliar girls ever call him out to secluded spots to tell him they liked him?
What kind of expression would Naoki-kun make at a time like that?
Even though I didn't want to think about it, the thought refused to leave.
I was sure Naoki-kun would listen earnestly to what that girl had to say. He wouldn't cut her off midway, listening just as attentively as he did with me.
He wouldn't rush her for an answer, and if she were flustered, he would patiently wait.
If anyone learned about that side of him, it wouldn't be strange in the slightest for them to fall for him.
His gentle way of speaking, the smile he showed during ordinary moments—I wasn't the only one capable of noticing those things.
"Serina, you're walking really fast."
"...Huh? Ah, sorry."
Snapping out of it at Rio's comment, I finally slowed my pace.
I hadn't meant to rush. But wanting to get away from my own spiraling thoughts, my stride had lengthened without me realizing it.
Miu stepped up beside me. Without saying a word, she matched my pace. A little ahead, Rio and Kotoha also slowed down to wait for us.
I had no intention of telling the three of them what was going through my head.
Nothing had even happened. It wasn't as if Naoki-kun had actually received a confession from anyone, yet I was torturing myself purely with my own imagination.
Thinking about it rationally, I was getting jealous over someone who might not even exist, moping entirely on my own.
Even to myself, I felt like I had an awfully troublesome personality.
Glancing to the side, my eyes met Miu's. But Miu said nothing, simply continuing to match my stride.
The noise from inside the school building grew steadily closer.
Even so, until we made it back, the face of an imaginary girl crossed my mind again and again. Every time I tried to push the thought away, the image of Naoki-kun smiling at her only became more vivid.
◇◇◇
During afternoon classes, I focused on the blackboard as much as I could.
Taking notes, solving problems. While my hands were moving, I was able to keep stray thoughts at bay.
Yet, the moment I finished verifying an answer, or during the brief pause before the teacher moved on to the next problem, Naoki-kun would surface in my thoughts once more.
Listening to the scratch of chalk against the blackboard, I watched the shadow of the window frame slowly drift across my desk.
This morning, I had been wishing for after school to hurry up and arrive.
Even now, I wanted to see Naoki-kun as soon as possible. Yet, I had no idea if I'd be able to talk to him normally once we met.
All I had to do was greet him as usual and open our workbooks. It was that simple, yet the questions in my head refused to quiet down.
When homeroom ended, I packed my textbooks into my bag.
I started to take out my workbook, but realizing we were going to use it in the library anyway, I left it inside.
"Go on," Miu said, walking up beside me.
"...Yeah."
"You were looking forward to today, weren't you?"
Her words reminded me of how I had been this morning.
Checking the contents of my bag, fretting over where we would sit.
I want to see Naoki-kun.
That hadn't changed, even after everything that had run through my mind during lunch break.
"I am looking forward to it. Even right now."
"Good, then," Miu replied simply.
After calling out to Rio and Kotoha as well, I left the classroom.
Walking down the hallway, I climbed the stairs leading to the library. The afternoon sun streaming through the landing window cast a long shadow of the handrail down the steps.
The breeze through the window fluttered the sleeves of my uniform.
With every step I climbed, the heaviness that had lingered in my chest since lunch break subtly shifted.
The anxiety hadn't vanished.
Even so, Naoki-kun was waiting at the top of these stairs.
When I arrived outside the library, Naoki-kun was standing beside the entrance.
Holding his bag in his left hand, he was waiting by the wall.
Noticing me, Naoki-kun gave a slight nod.
Naoki-kun is handsome. That's what I think. But it wouldn't be strange at all if other girls felt the exact same way.
"Serina-san."
Just hearing my name quickened my pace.
"Naoki-kun. Did I keep you waiting?"
"No, I just got here myself."
It was his usual voice.
The person I wanted to see was waiting for me.
Feeling relieved by that simple fact, the haze clouding my chest thinned just a fraction.
"Shall we head in?"
"Yeah."
Inside the library, a few students were reading by the windows, and a member of the library committee sat at the checkout counter.
There was almost no talking; only the sound of turning pages and the faint scrape of chairs broke the silence. The lowering sun softly illuminated the desks by the window.
Heading toward an empty desk in the back, I sat down across from Naoki-kun.
The seating arrangement that had worried me so much this morning settled naturally once we were actually here.
As I took my workbook out of my bag, Naoki-kun placed the matching one onto the desk.
"Where should we start?"
"I looked over it a bit yesterday. Is it okay if we start from this section?"
"Yeah. I was actually hoping to work on that part, too."
Opening the page, we decided where to begin.
Holding my mechanical pencil, I felt like I could finally switch my focus over to studying.
I solved the first problem right away.
The second problem came together easily, too.
Partway through, Naoki-kun asked how to set up an equation, so I showed him my notebook as I explained.
"If you simplify this part first before substituting, there'll be fewer calculations in the middle."
"I see. So I just need to combine this side first."
"Yeah. I think it's harder to make mistakes that way."
Naoki-kun listened to my explanation all the way through, then rewrote the equation in his notebook. After confirming that the answer was correct, he looked up.
"Thanks. That was really clear."
The moment I saw his smile, a warm happiness spread through my chest.
I remembered how he had asked me to teach him when I invited him to study yesterday.
I hoped we could continue to spend time solving problems together like this.
Right on the heels of that thought, the scenario from lunch break crept back into my mind.
Would another girl sit across from Naoki-kun like this someday?
Would he show her his notebook just like this, and smile at her the exact same way?
Overlapping with Naoki-kun right in front of me was the phantom of someone I didn't know.
My heart sank quietly.
Even though we were finally spending time together.
Even though Naoki-kun had just listened to my explanation and smiled at me.
Why was I dwelling on someone who wasn't even here?
"Serina-san?"
When I looked up, Naoki-kun was watching me.
"...W-What is it?"
"Did you get stuck on something?"
I looked down.
My hand had frozen right after writing down the number of the next problem.
"No. That part is fine."
"I see."
After replying, Naoki-kun didn't look back down at his workbook right away.
"If you're tired, do you want to take a short break?"
At his thoughtfulness, a pang of guilt welled up inside me.
I was the one who had invited him to study.
Naoki-kun had cleared his schedule to come, yet here I was, lost in my own thoughts and making him worry.
"It's not that I'm tired. There's just... something on my mind."
"It's not about studying, is it?"
"...No."
If I stopped here, Naoki-kun probably wouldn't pry.
I could just smile, say it was nothing, and go back to the workbook.
But even if I tried to push through, I knew I would just end up thinking about the same thing all over again.
Resting my folded hands on my lap, I drew a quiet breath.
"You see, Naoki-kun... there was a letter in my shoebox today."
"A letter?"
"Yeah. From a third-year senpai. It said he liked me, and asked me to meet him during lunch break."
Naoki-kun said nothing, quietly waiting for me to continue.
"I had Miu and the others come with me. They waited a little ways away while we talked... and I turned him down properly."
"...Is that so? Nothing bad happened, did it?"
"No. When I rejected him, he was understanding about it, so it was fine."
"That's good, then."
Naoki-kun let out a small breath of relief and began turning his gaze back toward the workbook.
If I stopped now, I wouldn't have to ask.
But if I ended the conversation here, I felt like I would just end up spiraling alone again over a girl whose face and name I didn't even know.
"So... can I ask you something, Naoki-kun?"
"Sure."
Naoki-kun set down his mechanical pencil and turned his attention back to me.
Would he think it was strange if I asked?
Depending on his answer, it might hurt even worse than it did right now.
Even so, I hated the thought of staying in the dark, letting my imagination run wild.
Careful not to break the quiet of the library, I lowered my voice.
"Naoki-kun... has a girl ever told you she likes you?"