Black smoke gradually robbed the light from where I was.
In the room illuminated only by the red glow of the emergency exit sign, there was no one in sight. The ceaseless blare of the alarm and the distant rumble of collapsing structures repeatedly told me that there was no way out left.
Every breath brought agony to my throat. My hands on the floor had no strength left in them, and I couldn't even stand up from against the wall.
No one is coming.
No one knows I'm here.
The moment that thought took hold, the terror I had bottled up deep inside overflowed all at once.
I wanted to call for help, but only dry coughs came out. I tried to scream my friends' names, but my scorching throat refused to shape the words.
Right then, I heard footsteps from beyond the smoke.
Accompanied by ragged breathing, they were heading straight toward me.
Even knowing that someone had arrived, I couldn't feel an immediate sense of relief. Although I was supposed to be desperate for rescue, the moment the figure emerging from the smoke turned out to be an unfamiliar boy, my body stiffened on its own.
Shrinking away from the hand he began to reach out, I pressed my back hard against the wall.
Seeing my reaction, he froze.
"Got it. I won't touch you."
He lowered both hands where I could see them.
"If you don't want me to, I won't touch you without your permission."
I couldn't even ask why.
We were trapped in a fire; we had to escape immediately. Even if he snapped that this was no time to be picky, or forcibly scooped me up, the situation didn't give me any right to complain.
And yet, he made no move to ignore my refusal.
"However, I'm staying right here, too."
Through the haze of smoke, I still couldn't make out his face.
Even so, I knew where his voice was coming from. Though close enough to reach out, he kept his distance so as not to frighten me.
"I have no intention of leaving you behind, either. So please, just calm down a little."
His voice was so hoarse it was almost drowned out by the emergency bell.
He must have inhaled a lot of smoke on his way in. He had to be in terrible pain, yet I couldn't hear a trace of panic or irritation in the words he spoke to me.
"It's okay."
With just those words, the terror entwining my chest loosened slightly.
"Don't worry. I won't do anything you don't want me to."
"It's... not... okay..."
"I know."
The fact that he didn't brush off my fear with empty reassurances actually comforted me.
Of course I was terrified. My leg was throbbing, the smoke was suffocating me, and I was alone with a boy I didn't know.
Understanding all of that, he was still choosing to stay.
"Still, I'm going to take you back to your friends."
"Can you... really...?"
"Yeah. I can."
There wasn't the slightest hesitation in his answer.
I didn't know why I was so ready to trust the words of someone whose face I couldn't see through the smoke, whose name I didn't even know.
I just felt that his promise not to leave me behind wasn't a lie.
Lifting a trembling hand, I reached toward the sound of his voice.
My fingertips brushed against the sleeve of his shirt.
The clothes of an unfamiliar boy.
Normally, the mere thought of that would have made me pull away in an instant.
Yet right now, losing the fabric beneath my fingertips felt far more terrifying. Starting from a tentative touch, my fingers slowly curled, gripping his sleeve with what little strength I had left.
"...Don't leave me behind."
The voice slipping past my lips sounded terribly small and childish.
"I won't leave you."
"Re... ally...?"
"Yeah. I'll never leave you alone."
The tears I had been holding back this whole time spilled down my cheeks.
Even then, I didn't let go of his sleeve.
This person is here for me.
With that single realization, it felt as though an escape route had opened for the very first time in a world trapped by fire and smoke.
Eventually, he turned his back to me and crouched down.
"Even so, as long as you hold on to me yourself, I swear I won't let go."
For a moment, I stared at the back before me.
Touching a boy of my own accord.
Entrusting my weight to his back, wrapping my arms around his neck.
Just imagining it should have frightened me, but the fact that he was waiting without rushing me made a much deeper impression.
Letting go of his sleeve, I tentatively looped both arms over his shoulders.
The moment I made contact, his body swayed slightly. Even then, he didn't turn around, waiting until I leaned into him under my own power.
My chest pressed against his back.
Across his shoulders, his body heat seeped into me.
Clinging to that warmth, I tightened my arms around his shoulders.
"I'm going to support your legs. I'm touching you now."
"...Okay."
Only after hearing my consent did he slide his hands beneath my knees. Taking immense care not to put any strain on my swollen right leg, he hoisted me up gently.
It wasn't that I felt no fear at all.
When I consciously registered how closely our bodies were pressed together, a small knot of resistance still lingered deep in my chest.
However, he didn't touch me anywhere beyond what he had announced. He supported me so I wouldn't fall with my injured leg, but made no move to pull me any closer than necessary.
He slowly rose to his feet.
Perhaps his legs gave a slight shudder, as his body swayed heavily once. Even so, he didn't drop to his knees, bearing my full weight on his back.
"Are you in pain?"
"...I'm fine."
"Does your right leg hurt?"
"...A little..."
"Got it. I'll try to keep it as steady as I can."
True to his word, he took every single step with deliberate care.
His breathing was ragged from the smoke he had inhaled. Carrying me couldn't have been easy on his arms either, yet with every stride he took, the jostling was astonishingly minimal.
"Don't worry."
The voice reached my ear, closer than before.
"I'll definitely get you out of here."
Without thinking, I tightened my arms around his shoulders.
Leaning my face closer to his neck, I could feel not only his breath, but the warmth of his skin where it met mine. We were trapped in a place surrounded by smoke and fire, yet during the moments I pressed my cheek against that warmth, breathing felt strangely easier.
I couldn't see his face.
I didn't know what kind of expression he wore as he pushed forward.
Even so, being shielded by that broad back and listening to his voice made me feel as though this spot alone was safe from the reach of the flames.
Beyond the smoke, the fire raged violently.
Even when red light spread across the corridor, blocking our path, he never made a move to put me down. Turning around and searching for another route, he offered the exact same words again and again.
"Don't worry."
Each time he said it, the terror paralyzing my body unraveled just a little more.
Hearing his voice.
Feeling the warmth of his back.
The arms supporting my legs never letting go.
Just reassuring myself of those three things made me believe I could endure a little longer.
However, the moment the sound of groaning metal echoed from overhead, his body pitched sharply.
Bending his back to shield me, a tremendous impact struck him an instant later.
"Did you... get hurt...?"
"It's nothing."
"But something just hit—"
"—I'm fine."
A scorched smell drifted in.
Right near him, a sickening odor entirely different from the smoke reached my nose.
I knew he was lying.
He had shielded me and taken the hit himself. And it wasn't the kind of wound anyone could brush off as "nothing."
Even so, the arms supporting me never faltered.
"It's... fine now... Just... leave me behind."
"No way."
"At this rate, you're going to... die too."
"I told you I wouldn't leave you behind, didn't I?"
Holding his breath as if fighting through the agony, he slowly straightened back up.
The right arm supporting my leg trembled faintly. Every time the strength drained from his shoulder, he shifted my weight to his other arm, but he still refused to let me down.
"Don't worry."
This time, his voice was terribly raspy.
"It just... hurts a tiny bit. I won't let go, so don't worry."
I couldn't say a single word back.
I knew he was lying through his teeth.
There was no way a tiny bit of pain could make his breathing this ragged. If he were fine, his footing wouldn't be stumbling, nor would his voice be fading.
Even so, I didn't resent the lie.
He was hiding his own pain just to keep me calm. That realization filled me with a heartbreaking warmth, and I gripped his shoulders all the tighter.
I pressed my cheek hard against his neck.
The skin beneath mine was burning hot, slick with sweat.
Under normal circumstances, there was no way I could have tolerated being pressed this close to a boy. Yet with my cheek resting against his neck, the trembling throughout my body gradually subsided.
I don't want to let go.
I don't want to get off this back.
The thought of losing his warmth was far scarier than the flames.
"...I believe you..."
My voice shook.
"I'm scared, but... I believe in you..."
I felt his pace pick up just a little.
Whether my words had truly reached him or it was just wishful thinking, I couldn't tell.
Even so, as long as I clung to his back, I believed we would make it out into the open air together.
As we navigated the dark corridor, he kept talking to me.
So I wouldn't drift off to sleep.
So I wouldn't lose consciousness.
And so I wouldn't lose sight of the normal life waiting outside the fire.
"What's your favorite food?"
"At a time... like this...?"
"Because it's a time like this, I want to know."
"Sweet things... I guess..."
"Like what?"
"Crepes, maybe..."
"I like those too."
Eating crepes together in a place without fire or smoke.
Just imagining that future brought a faint hint of color back to the gray world before my eyes.
"If... we make it... outside... will you go... with me...?"
"Let's go together."
A faint touch of brightness returned to his voice.
"Once we both get out, definitely."
"...It's a promise, okay...?"
"Yeah. I promise."
A warmth completely different from the heat of the flames enveloped my chest.
If I'm with him, we can make it out.
To keep our promise, I wanted to keep hearing his voice.
"Your name..."
"My name?"
"Tell me... yours..."
"I'll tell you once we're outside."
"Why... can't you tell me now...?"
"If I introduced myself here, it'd feel like we were saying goodbye, wouldn't it?"
Because I don't intend for us to part ways, I won't tell you now.
It felt as though that was what he meant.
Not knowing his name became a new promise between us.
I wouldn't learn it unless we made it out alive.
I had to meet him again and ask him face-to-face.
"I'll tell you my name outside. When we go to that crepe place."
"...Promise?"
"Yeah. Absolutely."
"Then... don't... forget."
"Forget what?"
"Our promise..."
"I won't."
He declared it without a shred of doubt.
"So for now, just focus on my voice."
"...Okay."
I closed my eyes.
Even in the darkness, his voice alone was crystal clear.
The heat radiating against my neck, the strength in the arms holding me up, the heartbeat thumping through his back—I didn't want to lose a single piece of it.
In a place that should have terrified me to my core, I felt a profound, genuine sense of relief for the very first time.
As long as I was on his back, nothing scared me.
No matter how close the flames came, as long as he said he wouldn't let go, I could believe him.
I want to stay like this just a little longer.
The instant that wish crossed my mind, the warmth at my front suddenly tore away.
"Wait—"
My outstretched hand caught only empty air.
◇◇◇
When I opened my eyes, morning sunlight was pouring across my own room.
There were no emergency alarms, no sound of crumbling walls. There was no smell of smoke, and the breeze slipping through the open window gently swayed the curtains.
It was just a dream.
It took me several seconds to fully process that.
My heart was racing, and a thin film of sweat coated my neck. Yet strangely, I didn't feel the suffocating panic that usually lingered whenever I woke up from a nightmare about the fire.
What stayed with me instead was the warmth that had pressed against my chest.
The raspy voice that had whispered in my ear.
The heat of his neck where I had buried my cheek.
Without thinking, I pressed my cheek into my pillow.
Naturally, his warmth wasn't there.
Only soft fabric met my skin; there was no way I could return to his back.
Even so, I caught myself hoping that if I shut my eyes tight enough, I might pick up where the dream left off.
"...What on earth are you thinking, Serina?"
Snapping back to reality at the sound of my own voice, I pulled the duvet up to my chin.
Waking up from a dream about the fire and feeling disappointed was completely absurd.
It had been a terrifying dream.
Unable to breathe from the smoke, surrounded by flames, I had been thrust right back into a place where dying at any second would have been no surprise.
And yet, the only thing that left me feeling hopelessly lonely was that the dream had ended the moment I was separated from him.
Leaning against a boy's back, wrapping my arms around his neck, even burying my cheek against his skin.
Under normal circumstances, the mere thought of that would make me freeze up. Even if the other guy had no bad intentions, I would tense up whenever a boy's hand came near me, and the thought of being touched sent shivers down my spine.
Yet he was the sole exception.
I hadn't wanted to let go.
I had wanted to keep hearing his voice.
If I could meet him again, I even found myself wishing to touch his skin for real, not just in a dream.
"Seriously, why..."
The moment the words left my mouth, my cheeks flared up.
Back then, I had been out of my mind with fear. If that was the case, why on earth was I still harboring the exact same thoughts now, fully awake in the safety of my room?
The harder I searched for an answer, the more restless my chest became.
Glancing at the clock by my bedside, I saw that it was already more than ten minutes past my usual wake-up time.
In a rush, I scrambled out of bed, grabbed a change of clothes, and hurried to the washroom.
Even while brushing my hair in front of the mirror, my thoughts kept drifting back to the continuation of that dream.
—Until you're at ease.
He really had repeated those words over and over.
When he first reached out, I had recoiled from his hand. Even when he told me he was there to rescue me, I couldn't trust him, making no effort to hide how much I hated being touched by a guy.
Even so, he hadn't gotten angry.
Without trying to drag me out by force, he had waited patiently until I took hold of his sleeve myself.
If I ever got to see him again...
Would I be able to look him in the eye this time without running away?
I would ask for his name, check on his burns, and thank him properly for saving my life. And after that, we would go get those crepes we promised.
Just the two of us.
Sitting across from each other, hearing his real voice—not the ragged one strained by smoke and fire.
Would that be the first time I finally saw his face? What would his smile look like? How did he normally talk? What kind of things did he like, and what kind of face did he make when he was troubled?
The moment I pictured it, the ears of my reflection in the mirror turned bright red.
"...Huh?"
My brush stopped dead in its tracks.
It wasn't as if the washroom was hot. A cool morning breeze was drifting in through the window, soothing the lingering heat on my skin.
And yet, not just my cheeks, but even my neck was burning up.
"It's not like that at all."
I muttered to my reflection.
I only wanted to meet him to say thank you.
Going for crepes was just following through on a promise made during the fire; there was nothing special about being alone together.
Even so, the arrangement of my bangs bothered me far more than usual.
It wasn't as if there was any guarantee I would see him today, yet I found myself repeatedly fixing my hair, which I normally finished in a single pass.
When I finally stepped out of the washroom, my mother, who was busy preparing breakfast, glanced over at me.
"You're down late today."
"I just overslept a bit."
"Did you not sleep well?"
"I slept fine. I was just having a dream."
Pulling out a chair, I sat down and tried to put on my usual expression.
However, my mother never missed the slightest change in me. Ever since I returned from the mall fire, she had made a habit of coming to check on me even if I simply woke up in the middle of the night.
"Was it about that day again?"
"...Yeah."
"Was it scary?"
I couldn't answer right away.
It would be a lie to say it wasn't scary.
Even in the dream, the heat of the flames had been real, and the terror of being trapped in the smoke hadn't faded in the least.
Even so.
"It was scary, but... it wasn't a bad dream."
Even to my own ears, it sounded like a strange response.
My mother looked momentarily surprised, then narrowed her eyes slightly, studying my face.
"Because he was there?"
The fingers holding my chopsticks froze.
"...Maybe."
"I see."
A faint trace of relief softened my mother's voice.
"I hope you get to meet him. That boy."
My ears flared up all over again.
"It's not what you think. I only want to see him to say thank you."
"I know."
"There's the matter of his burns, and we made a promise. It's frustrating not knowing his face or his name, right?"
"Yes, of course."
"That's the only reason I'm looking for him. There's nothing else to it."
Only after rattling off explanations nobody had asked for did I notice my mother chuckling quietly.
"What?"
"I'm just relieved to see you so energetic in the morning."
"You're definitely imagining things."
"I'm not imagining a thing."
I wasn't convinced, but feeling that pressing the issue would only corner me further, I turned my attention back to my breakfast.
Once I finished getting ready, I headed for the entryway.
Only when slipping my right foot into my loafer did a faint discomfort linger. While it didn't interfere with daily life, the doctor had cautioned me that pushing it too hard would bring the pain right back.
"I'm heading out."
"Don't push yourself too hard."
"I know."
Stepping out through the front door, the morning sunlight hit my eyes.
Once I arrived at school, boys might try to talk to me like they always did. If they crowded too close, I would probably tense up with disgust again today.
Just because I was searching for that person didn't mean my aversion to boys was cured.
If anything, the line between other boys and him was clearer in my mind than ever before.
I didn't know his face.
I didn't know his name.
I hadn't even heard his true voice yet.
Even so, he was entirely different.
The moment the warmth of his back from my dream crossed my mind, a gentle heat bloomed deep in my chest.
Maybe it was an aftereffect of the fire.
Maybe I just couldn't let go of the sense of security I was given during the most terrifying moment of my life.
I couldn't think of any other reason yet.
Still unaware of the true name of the emotion she was harboring for someone for the very first time, she exposed her flushed cheeks to the morning breeze and set off toward school.