I felt an awful lot of eyes on me today.
After second period, then third period... with every short break, my classmates kept watching me from a distance. Some whispered and laughed amongst themselves, while others glared daggers.
Well, considering I pulled off what amounted to a public confession first thing this morning, it was only natural.
My original plan had been simple: if someone from that group of girls tried picking a fight, I would just borrow No Longer Human from the clubroom and sarcastically provoke them with it.
Instead, thanks to Shinonome and Hiiragi launching an attack that went far beyond what anyone could have anticipated, things blew up into a massive spectacle.
Personally, I couldn't care less how much those girls try to start something with me.
The reason was simple: I had zero interest in them.
However, if someone hits me, I hit back. That's my signature, introverted loner strong style.
Show an animal that biting you means getting poisoned, and even a stupid beast will hesitate before attacking again.
...Though, despite acting all high and mighty, the truth was that I'd been genuinely pissed off about the fake confession. I have my own history with that sort of thing.
(I should apologize to Amanatsu later.)
Even if it had been unavoidable to throw her a lifeline, I ended up putting on an act in front of everyone, pretending I liked her. She had to know I didn't feel that way, so I doubted it caused any real damage, but still.
The chime for lunch rang.
I took my bread out of my school bag and prepared to leave the classroom.
Today's egg salad sandwich was a masterpiece I'd bought from my favorite bakery after waking up early. I wanted to savor every bite without anyone getting in the way.
Just as I thought that, Shinonome approached me with a deep scowl, radiating pure irritation.
"Hey, what's your deal?"
"Subaru Hatsukade, fifteen years old."
"That's not what I mean! You have the worst personality ever!"
That's my line.
Still haven't given up after everything that happened? Some people never learn.
"Then what do you want to know?"
"You compared me to Nakina again, didn't you?!"
Ah, that, I thought, nodding.
"Because it's the truth. Doesn't everyone else think so too?"
"Ugh! Nakina and I are friends! If you say things like that, it makes things awkward between us! You're ruining our group's harmony!"
I only said that because you picked a fight with me in the first place.
You're the ones who started this conflict by pulling that fake confession. It should have ended as a wash the moment I retaliated.
Because she has zero self-awareness of being the perpetrator, her persecution complex just balloons, leading to endless whining.
"That's not it, Shinonome. The only person you're worried about isn't your group—it's yourself."
"Huh?!"
"You were pissed off because I said Amanatsu was cuter in front of everyone. But if you blurted out how you really felt, everyone would see how petty you are. So you're cooking up some plausible excuse to force an apology out of me. All to protect your cheap pride."
"Th-that's not true..."
Pathetic.
Watching her falter with a conflicted expression, I stood up from my seat.
Rather than dealing with someone like this, I wanted to go have a sincere, uninterrupted moment with my egg salad sandwich.
However, girls who move in packs are a troublesome bunch.
The moment she realized the tide had turned against her, she shot a pleading look toward her boss.
"Sakura, say something to him too!"
At the sound of her name, the blonde gyaru smiled as if to say, Finally, my turn! and sauntered over in high spirits.
Hiiragi patted Shinonome's head, glancing at me out of the corner of her eye as she spoke.
"Calm down, Shii-chan. There's no need to let Hatsukade's words get to you. Come on, you know what they say: love is blind."
"...What do you mean?"
"I mean, Hatsukade is just head over heels in love with Nakina. From his point of view, nobody else even registers. Not just you, Shii-chan—compared to anyone, of course he's gonna say Nakina's better."
"Th-that's true!"
"Shii-chan, you're plenty cute, so have some confidence."
What is this farce...?
Hiiragi gave me a derisive snort.
"Hatsukade, you need to understand your place. Nakina is way out of your league."
"I'm well aware of that."
"She's your ideal girl, someone you could never reach in a lifetime!"
"Yeah."
"...Nakina's popular, so she might even get a boyfriend in a couple of months, you know?"
"Sure."
"Ngh, why are you acting so calm?! If you like her, shouldn't you look a little more frustrated?!"
Even if you tell me that...
It's not like I actually have feelings for her.
"If Amanatsu gets a boyfriend, I'll cheer her on with everything I've got. Seeing the person I fell for find happiness is my only wish. Well, on that note, I'd rather not waste any more time, so I'm leaving."
"Wait, hold on!"
Ignoring Hiiragi's voice, I walked out of the classroom.
◇
The deserted stair landing in front of the rooftop door was quiet and calming.
With little sunlight and a faint, pleasant chill, this space was quickly becoming my sanctuary.
The sweet and savory flavor of the egg salad sandwich I finally managed to take a bite of brought pure joy to my taste buds.
Just as the tension naturally drained from my shoulders, I heard a voice that had become familiar lately.
"...Hatsukade-kun."
Like a ghost, Amanatsu peeked her face out from behind the wall near the handrail, peering over at me.
Since this was the second time, I wasn't startled, but I wondered if she couldn't just call out to me normally. The veneer of her outgoing persona had peeled away completely.
"Is it okay if I sit next to you?"
"Go ahead. Did you slip out of the classroom?"
"Yeah, it was awkward in there."
Holding down her skirt, Amanatsu sat down, leaving a person's width of space between us.
"...It's so damp and gloomy here. It's the best."
Pressing her back against the wall, Amanatsu offered an impression worthy of a slug.
"About this morning... you saved me again. Thank you."
"I just brushed them off. Don't worry about it."
"...Y-yeah."
Sitting with her legs stretched out, she fidgeted with her fingers on top of her thighs.
Her short skirt revealed her flawless, unblemished knees.
"...You said you liked me, but that was a joke, right?"
"Oh, right. I meant to apologize for that. My bad for saying something like that when I didn't mean it."
"N-no, it's fine. I figured... as much. I know it was just to help me out."
"Glad to hear it. It would've been a disaster if even you believed it. Having a guy like me fall for you would creep anyone out, even you, Amanatsu."
"...That's not true, though."
Her fingers stopped moving, and she looked up at me with downcast eyes.
"Still, I kind of wish you wouldn't do things like that anymore. I'm happy you're helping me, but... I hate the idea of Hatsukade-kun sacrificing himself for it."
"I didn't suffer any damage, though. Getting tangled up with Shinonome and the others is partly my own fault anyway."
"...That's not what I mean. Because of that public confession, everyone's going to think Hatsukade-kun has a one-sided crush on me from now on. People are definitely going to laugh behind your back, and it'll make it hard to stay in the classroom."
"Don't worry. Whether people laugh behind my back or make fun of me, I really don't care."
I wasn't trying to act cool.
I genuinely felt that way.
Yet, perhaps unconvinced, Amanatsu stared at me with her large black eyes.
"Why can you stay so strong, Hatsukade-kun? If it were me, I wouldn't be able to bear being treated like that."
"It's not about being strong. I just don't expect anything from our classmates to begin with."
The concept of feeling nothing when someone points fingers or ostracizes you might not make sense to a girl who clawed her way into the upper ranks of the school caste out of sheer obsession.
I know just how immature teenage boys and girls are.
I know how easily they cross the line simply due to peer pressure or the mood of the moment.
No matter how much they pretend to be grown-ups, inside they're still childish.
What am I supposed to expect from people like that?
Amanatsu called my mindset strong, but the truth was, I simply wasn't standing in the same ring as them.
No matter how much malice the other side harbored, it couldn't reach me when I was just sitting in the spectator stands, throwing trash and heckling.
That's the kind of person I am.
If classmates I have no intention of befriending misunderstand and think I like Amanatsu, it doesn't cause me any trouble.
"So, I don't really care what they think... More importantly, isn't cheering on a hard worker like you way more worthwhile?"
"Ugh, that's so unfair. In a card game, you'd be a cheat character with complete immunity."
"Why don't you come over to this side too, Amanatsu? The view is great."
"No way, impossible! Do you have any idea how hard I struggled to crawl my way up here? It was a journey long enough to circle the globe!"
Letting out a soft sigh, she murmured:
"I wish I'd met Hatsukade-kun sooner. If I had, I wouldn't have needed to have this kind of youth."
"...What's that supposed to mean?"
"...Uh, umm?"
When I tilted my head and asked, she let out her usual dry "Ahaha" laugh.
"Forget it, pretend I didn't say that!"
She fanned her flushed face with her hand.
I felt like we'd had a similar exchange just the other day when she confessed to having no friends.
Suddenly, Amanatsu's stomach let out a loud rumble, and she curled inward.
"S-so embarrassing..."
"What about lunch?"
"I couldn't eat in that hellish atmosphere. I slipped out saying I had an errand to run, so I couldn't bring my bento with me."
I took the remaining egg salad sandwich out of the bag.
"Here. If you don't eat anything, your stomach's going to growl during class."
"...Are you sure?"
"I already ate mine."
"Still, I feel like you're always helping me out..."
"Don't feel so indebted over a run-of-the-mill egg sandwich."
"Th-then, thanks for the food... Delicious?!"
Apparently, Amanatsu was someone who could appreciate good taste.
When I gave her a firm thumbs-up, her eyes sparkled, and she nodded repeatedly.
◇
After school, I walked down the courtyard pathway.
Before stopping by the clubroom, I figured I'd grab a canned coffee from the vending machine. I'd actually spotted a new brand stocked in there yesterday. I was really looking forward to it.
...Shinonome and Hiiragi were loitering right in front of the machine.
(What a pain...)
Running into them would only drag me into another useless dispute, so I hid in the shadow of a tree.
"Hey, Sakura, are we really just gonna leave Hatsukade alone?!"
"Well..."
"He's totally making a fool out of you too, Sakura! We have to hit back!"
"I don't really care anymore, honestly... Hmm, what to do, though?"
"Why are you going soft on a total gloomy loser like him!"
"I've got other things on my mind right now."
Then, Sakura snapped her fingers and said, "Oh, I know!" with a suspicious smirk spreading across her face.
"I just thought of something great! Hehehe, well, I just remembered I have something to do, so I'm heading home early!"
"Huuuh?!"
As Shinonome watched Sakura walk away while humming cheerfully, she held her head and muttered bitterly to herself.
"What is with everyone?! Nakina, Sakura, Hatsukade! They're all so annoying!"
Just how vindictive is that girl?
I really wished she'd just clear out already.
"Heeey, Shii-chan!"
"?"
A boy came jogging up toward Shinonome.
In an instant, the hideous expression on Shinonome's face vanished like magic, blooming into an adorable smile. Women are terrifying.
"Ah, Katsurama-kun! What's uuuup?"
"I saw you were alone, Shii-chan, so I couldn't help coming over."
Katsurama was my classmate.
His seat was the very front one by the hallway.
I hadn't realized he was close with Shinonome.
"Wanna chat for a bit?"
"Yeah, sure!"
"Ehehe. Oh, right, Hatsukade's public confession today was wild, wasn't it?! I've never seen such a trainwreck of a confession. Seriously, I was worried I'd die laughing."
There's no such cause of death, so you're sorely mistaken.
Also, just to be clear, I wasn't rejected. I just didn't get an answer. An important distinction.
"Right?! You could totally see through Hatsukade trying to act tough, like, 'I don't even care that I got dumped,' you know?"
"Come to think of it, Masanori was pretty happy about it too."
Katsurama lowered his voice slightly.
"Like I told you before, that guy's got a crush on Nakina. So I bet he's relieved it didn't work out. Ah, keep that a secret, obviously! I've only told you, Shii-chan."
"...Hmm."
Masanori likes Amanatsu?
I observed Katsurama's face as he looked at Shinonome.
His eyes were sparkling.
As for Shinonome, she was pouting sulkily.
—Oho?