(Ugh, this is the absolute worst. I can't face Hatsukade-kun. I really don't want to go to school...)
Walking along the morning route to school, a ceaseless stream of gloomy thoughts flooded my chest.
I—Nakina Amanatsu—am in love with Subaru Hatsukade-kun.
It all started the day I gave him that fake confession.
Even though I did something so horrible to him as a punishment game, he still handed a handkerchief to me while I was crying.
I can still remember the way my heart skipped a beat in that moment.
Though he wasn't particularly tall, he looked down at me with an annoyed scowl, yet a subtle kindness that worried for me flickered in his eyes.
I desperately prayed that the slight fever making my head spin was just my imagination.
And yet, in fleeting moments, he was always right there in my line of sight, even when I wasn't consciously looking.
Seriously, give me a break.
I mean, can you blame me?
Falling for him now doesn't matter anyway; I disqualified myself right at the starting line. I have no right to harbor feelings like this toward someone I tried to bully.
During lunch break, I hurriedly chased after his back as he left the classroom alone.
I wanted to confirm it right then and there—to prove these feelings were just a misunderstanding.
And so, facing him on the stair landing...
Hatsukade-kun, who always kept a sullen face in the classroom, told me I was cute, praised my hard work, and gave me a gentle smile.
Ah, you've got to be kidding me.
Falling headlong into the pitfall, I tumbled in headfirst, sinking right into the quicksand.
That was the exact moment I realized my sudden first love.
◇
The moment I stepped into the classroom, Sakura waved at me with a bright smile.
"Morning, Nakina!"
"Yeah, mornin'~"
Setting my school bag on my desk, I walked over to join her.
Shii-chan and the rest of our usual circle were already gathered.
If these genuine extroverts knew what I was like back in middle school, they'd probably lose their minds.
Truth is, I used to be a truant, shut-in gamer.
Back then, every day was consumed by anxiety.
For the first few weeks of being a shut-in, I carefree-ly devoted myself to grinding ranks in shooter games, but after a month, and then a whole year, I began to panic, thinking, Wait, is my life ruined?
Whenever I opened social media, my feed was packed with photos of classmates posing with their boyfriends or celebrating acceptance into prestigious prep schools.
By the time I hit the highest rank in the game, an unlaughable chasm had formed between me and my peers.
Finally realizing I couldn't go on like that, I threw away my grime-stained controller. I devoured every single makeup tutorial I could find and poured all my energy into researching how to become cute.
To win back my lost youth, I shifted my focus toward leveling up in real life instead.
After grueling, blood-sweating effort, I finally seized a spot among the popular crowd.
That's why I will never, ever go back to that old life again.
Just then...
Hatsukade-kun walked into the classroom.
My heart began to hammer wildly against my ribs.
Without exchanging a greeting with anyone, he quietly took his seat.
(...Haa, he looks so cool no matter when I look at him.)
That sullen, unapproachable face that never flatters anyone.
He looks cold on the outside, but really, he's just clumsy, and fundamentally kind at heart.
There's no end to the list of his good qualities.
(I wonder if he'll call me cute again today?)
When other people say it, it's just embarrassing, but when it comes from him, my chest grows so warm.
No, what on earth am I blabbering about?
I know full well that when he compliments me, there's hardly any real emotion behind it.
The only reason he can say things like that without a shred of shame is because he truly doesn't care what other people think of him.
Because he has no desire to be liked, he can speak frankly without any hidden agenda.
Fliping that around, though, it means he doesn't harbor any romantic feelings toward me at all.
Yesterday was proof enough when he stated it so bluntly.
(He doesn't like me in the slightest...)
Just then, Shii-chan rushed over to Masanori-kun, who sat directly in front of Hatsukade-kun, and called out to him.
"Masanori-kun, sorry about yesterday! Somebody decided to say something super annoying, so it put me in a bit of a bad mood."
Ugh... she's totally talking about Hatsukade-kun.
Shii-chan put on a show of chatting with Masanori-kun, who wore a strained smile, but her eyes were locked dead onto Hatsukade-kun.
What should I do? I have to stop her.
It's true that Hatsukade-kun tends to invite hostility with his blunt, unvarnished way of speaking, but in the first place, we're the ones in the wrong for pulling that fake confession on him.
At this rate, we're just going to cause him more trouble.
(Hatsukade-kun's definitely hurting right now...)
Thinking that, I peeked over at him, only to find him reading a paperback with an utterly nonchalant expression.
...Okay, your mental fortitude is ridiculously strong, Hatsukade-kun.
Shii-chan's shoulders trembled. Even from behind, I could tell she was seething.
"Hey, Masanori-kun, what do you think of a guy who casually compares girls right to their faces and says who's cuter!?"
"...Well, I mean, it's not great, but..."
"Right?! A guy like that is the absolute worst, isn't he!?"
Yesterday, Shii-chan had literally been comparing Masanori-kun and Hatsukade-kun, making this a spectacular boomerang right back to her own face.
Running out of patience, Shii-chan slammed both hands down on Hatsukade-kun's desk.
"Hey, I'm talking about you!"
"..."
"Don't you dare ignore me?!"
Before anyone realized it, the classroom had fallen dead silent.
Every single eye was glued to their confrontation.
With his desk jostled, Hatsukade-kun looked up with an irritated scowl.
"...What? I'm reading."
"Apologize for yesterday!"
"Can't. I'm at a good part."
"W-Why on earth are you reading a book in a situation like this?!"
"Well, a masterpiece is captivating no matter the circumstances. Oh, by the way, once I'm done, want me to lend it to you? I'm sure you'll deeply relate to the protagonist's monologue right from the opening lines."
"Huh?"
As Shii-chan gaped in utter confusion, Hatsukade-kun slipped off the dust jacket with a faint smile.
He turned the cover around to show her—it was Osamu Dazai's No Longer Human.
"W-Who has a shameful life, you jerk?!"
Shii-chan squirmed and writhed as if she were about to shriek at the top of her lungs.
Hatsukade-kun is way too merciless... He definitely brought that book on purpose today.
Just then, Sakura lightly patted Shii-chan on the shoulder.
"Now, now, calm down, Shii-chan."
"Sakuraaa..."
"Hatsukade's always been this kind of guy, so picking a fight with him is just a waste of time, right?"
"But... but still!"
Thank goodness...
Looks like Sakura is going to put a stop to it.
She's the undisputed leader of our girls' group.
Of course, there were no written rules about it, but everyone instinctively understood they stood zero chance against her, so no one ever dared to defy her.
Now I can finally relax... or so I naively thought.
"Come on, Nakina, you come over here too."
"...Me?"
"Let's all have a chat together."
Looking at Sakura's expression, a sudden chill ran down my spine.
She wore a shady, teasing smile that reeked of an ulterior motive.
Precisely because her features were so strikingly pretty, that smile stoked an unfathomable sense of dread instead.
My palms grew clammy with a nasty sweat.
Reluctantly, I took a hesitant step forward.
"Ah, ahaha... what are we talking about?"
I felt pathetic for laughing out of sheer reflex, even in a spot like this.
Sakura curled her lips into a smirk and looked down at Hatsukade-kun.
"Hey, Hatsukade... you were actually pretty happy, weren't you?"
"...About what?"
"About Nakina giving you that fake confession."
My breath caught in my throat.
(Please stop!)
I desperately didn't want the fake confession brought up again.
To them, it might just be harmless teasing, but as long as Hatsukade-kun hates it, it's nothing short of bullying.
I have to put an end to this.
However, before I could get a word out, Sakura waved her hand playfully, stoking the fire.
"You don't have to hide it, you know? I mean, after praising her that much and constantly calling her cute, saying you don't care has to be a total lie. Don't you think so too, Shii-chan?"
"Uh, yeah, totally!"
Triumphantly seizing the opportunity, Shii-chan smirked.
"Totally, totally! Like, talk about not knowing your place! Bringing me into it was just you trying to look cool in front of Nakina, wasn't it? So pathetic~"
Shii-chan leaned over Hatsukade-kun's desk, planting both hands on it.
"Too bad for you~ But honestly, there's no way someone like Nakina would ever fall for a gloomy loner like you. You only rejected her because you knew beforehand it was a punishment game, but if it had been real, you would've jumped at the chance to date her, wouldn't you?"
"..."
"Uh-oh~ Are you so frustrated you can't even talk back!?"
Hatsukade-kun gave no reaction whatsoever.
He sat there like an impenetrable brick wall, silently deflecting every blow.
The smug grin on Shii-chan's face twitched with annoyance.
"Nakina, you should tell him what you're thinking too."
"Huh?"
Without dropping her smile, Sakura shifted her aim onto me.
"Getting rejected like that, you must be pretty annoyed too, right, Nakina? If you want, why don't you try confessing to him one more time?"
Shii-chan clapped her hands and hopped with glee.
"Oh, that's awesome! Like a public confession~?"
Overhearing the commotion, several boys nearby started chiming in with loud jeers. "Wait, what, another fake confession going down?" "Bro, this is hilarious."
Why did they have to do this?
If Hatsukade-kun said yes, they'd mock him with a "too bad, it's fake," and if he refused, they'd just ridicule him for trying to act tough.
"Nakina?"
Shii-chan leaned in, peering into my face.
It was that look again. That freezing, judgmental glare that punished anyone for ruining the mood.
If I failed to read the room and pushed back, I might get ostracized right back into that dark, lonely room.
"What are you doing, Nakina? Everyone's waiting~"
The truth is, I genuinely, truly like Hatsukade-kun.
Having committed so many awful mistakes, I know we could never be together, but I don't want to drag him into any more trouble because of me.
—It was right at that moment.
"Haaah... why does this always have to turn into such a hassle?"
Letting out an exhausted sigh, Hatsukade-kun casually shrugged his shoulders.
Despite the suffocating tension in the room, he sluggishly rose to his feet with his usual, unbothered demeanor.
"Do you people really not understand what a nuisance this is?"
Being much shorter than him, Shii-chan ended up looking up at him, leaning back with beads of cold sweat forming on her brow.
"...W-What? You're the absolute last person I want to hear that from!"
"No, I'm not talking about me. I'm talking about Amanatsu."
"???"
Wait, why me?!
Hatsukade-kun let out an exasperated sigh and spoke with absolute confidence.
"If a cute girl like Amanatsu confesses to a gloomy loner like me—even as a joke—it damages her reputation, doesn't it?"
"...Huh? Wait, what are you even saying?"
"Exactly what it sounds like."
Shii-chan trembled, completely thrown off balance as if she had just encountered some incomprehensible monster.
"C-Calling yourself a gloomy loner..."
"Also, as for whether I would have dated her if it wasn't a fake confession? That's not even worth asking."
Pausing for a beat, Hatsukade-kun flashed a fearless smirk.
"Of course I would have."
Haaah!?!?
Shii-chan's scream and mine overlapped in perfect unison.
Wait a second—what did he just say?!
"Unlike a runt like you, to me, Amanatsu is practically the gorgeous dream girl."
"A runt!?"
"Even on that day, if I hadn't figured out beforehand that it was a fake confession, I would've said yes in a heartbeat."
"?! Why are you casually confessing your feelings in front of the whole class?!"
"You're the ones who forced it out of me! You satisfied now? Great, meeting adjourned, scatter!"
With that, Hatsukade-kun sat back down with an utterly unbothered expression and reopened his book.
Seriously, what on earth is his mental fortitude made of?
The classroom was thrown into total chaos, and Shii-chan, completely crushed by Hatsukade-kun's unstoppable counterattack, stood there trembling and utterly at a loss for words.
Before long, the homeroom chime echoed through the room.
As everyone scrambled back to their seats, I tried to quiet the frantic thumping in my chest and stole a glance toward Hatsukade-kun.
Right at that moment, our eyes met.
Making sure only I could see, Hatsukade-kun gave me a sharp, subtle two-finger salute.
The realization that he had just saved me all over again hit me all at once...
And my ears flushed bright, burning hot.
You're way, way too cool, Hatsukade-kun...!