Darkness.
The space beneath the seat was so narrow that I had to curl my body tightly just to fit. From the opposite side, I could hear Lady Katia’s stifled, trembling breaths. Outside, the air was filled with the clashing of metal and the roar of angry shouts.
Lord Rein stepped out of the carriage, leaving the door wide open. A biting wind drifted in, reaching all the way to my hiding spot under the seat.
It’s okay. Wait for me until I get back.
That voice still echoed in my ears.
So, I waited. I huddled beneath the seat, clutching my trembling hands, and I waited. I waited for what felt like forever.
But Lord Rein did not return.
Even after I was rescued by the relief knights and brought back to the castle, I continued to tend to Lord Rein’s room.
Every morning, I cleaned. I made sure everything was ready for his return at any moment. I opened the windows to air the room out, wiped the floors, and changed the water in the vases. I couldn't bear the thought of Lord Rein’s gentle scent gradually fading away. I hated that it was slowly ceasing to be "Lord Rein’s room" and becoming "just a room."
Lady Katia was sent back to House Laufen. I saw her off as she boarded her carriage, her face swollen from crying. Perhaps I should have said something to her then, but I didn't know what words to offer.
The nights were the hardest.
Whenever I closed my eyes, Lord Rein’s face would appear. I saw the way he had forced a smile for us that day. I saw his expression as he looked at me—knowing I was on the verge of tears—and tried to reassure me anyway.
I became afraid to close my eyes. The sleepless nights began to pile up.
Why?
That single question grew louder and more persistent with each passing day.
Why was Lord Rein kidnapped? I knew the answer. It was because he had gone outside that day dressed as a girl. He had worn Lady Katia’s clothes; he had his hair styled exactly like hers. That was why they had mistaken him for her.
I knew it wasn't Lady Katia’s fault. The blame lay solely with the criminals.
But—if only I hadn't dressed Lord Rein as a girl. If only I hadn't let him go outside looking like that.
I knew that if I hadn't dressed him up, Lady Katia would have been the one taken instead.
And yet, I couldn't help but think: that would have been better.
Lord Rein was far, far more precious to me than Lady Katia.
I knew I was being cruel. Lady Katia was a victim, too.
But I couldn't stop the thought. I couldn't lie to myself about how I truly felt.
I don't remember exactly when I lost my appetite.
I managed to force down some soup, though on some days, even that wouldn't stay down. When I looked in the mirror, my cheeks were sunken and dark shadows hung beneath my eyes. I looked like a stranger.
"Mira, don't you think you should take a break?" one of the senior maids asked me.
"I’m fine," I replied.
If I didn't keep moving, my mind would just spin in circles, obsessing over Lord Rein. Working was far better than the alternative.
About a month had passed.
I was walking down the hallway toward Lord Rein’s room as usual when I overheard two servants whispering.
"—I heard he was sold into slavery."
"No... A son of a Count’s house? That's impossible..."
My feet froze.
The two of them noticed me and hurriedly fell silent. They started stammering some sort of excuse, but I didn't hear a word of it.
A slave. Lord Rein.
They realized he wasn't Lady Katia and they sold him. That gentle, sweet, hardworking boy was somewhere out there, living as a slave—
It’s my fault. Because I was playing around, because I made him dress in those clothes.
I felt something inside my head snap.
That night, back in my room, I sat staring up at the ceiling beam.
I felt I no longer had the right to wait. Simply being alive felt like a sin.
I looped the rope around my neck and stood upon a chair. That was when the door to my room swung open.
"Mira, I heard you were told about Rein...—What are you doing?!"
It was Lady Roswitha’s voice.
By the time I realized what was happening, I was collapsing onto the floor. It took a moment for me to understand that someone had grabbed me and pulled me down.
A sharp sting flared across my cheek.
My vision wavered, and Lady Roswitha’s face was right in front of mine.
She was furious. I had never seen her wear such an expression before.
"...I'm sorry," I whispered.
My voice sounded hollow. I couldn't believe it was mine.
Lady Roswitha fell silent for a heartbeat. She pressed the hand she had used to slap me against her chest and took a shallow breath.
Then, she took a deep breath and spoke in a quiet, steady voice.
"Tell me, Mira. What did Rein order you to do?"
I couldn't answer. If I did, I would lose the permission to die.
"'Wait for me,' wasn't it?" Lady Roswitha answered for me.
"If you aren't here when Rein returns... just how much do you think that boy will suffer?"
Her voice trembled slightly.
"You have an obligation to stay alive and wait for Rein."
I broke.
I wailed, sobbing pathetically as I lay collapsed on the floor. Everything I had been suppressing since that day overflowed. Lady Roswitha said nothing; she simply sat beside me. She stayed there until I finally had no more tears left to cry.
The next morning, I woke up with my eyes still swollen.
But for the first time in a long while, my head felt clear.
Lord Rein told me to "wait." Therefore, I will live and wait. I have made my decision.
However, simply waiting is not enough.
That day, I didn't have the strength to stay by Lord Rein’s side. I could only hide and tremble as I was told. If I stay as I am, the same thing will surely happen again. And while I don't know what kind of ordeal Lord Rein is facing at this very moment, I cannot settle for just waiting at the estate.
Waiting is not enough. I must become someone who can go and get him. No matter where he has been taken, I must be able to rush there on my own two feet and bring him back with my own two hands. And once Lord Rein returns, I will stay by his side every moment—day and night, inside the estate and out. I will never leave him again. Not until death finally parts us.
Lady Roswitha saved this life of mine. If that is the case, I will dedicate every second of it to Lord Rein. My life exists for that purpose alone. I need nothing else.
I went to Lady Roswitha’s room.
"Please, let me train to join the Near Guard."
Lady Roswitha didn't look surprised. She studied my face for a moment, then gave a quiet nod.
"I will put you under Klaus’s care. You understand what you're asking, I assume?"
"Yes. I will endure any trial. I will do anything if it means I can remain by Lord Rein’s side."
I left her room and walked down the hallway. At the very least, my steps were firmer than they had been the day before.