Autumn weather is fickle. Perhaps the season was finally settling into its usual rhythm, as a sudden heavy downpour lasted well into the night. The sound of rain drumming against the roof vibrated against my eardrums as I lay in bed. The trick to falling asleep in that situation was whether you could perceive the rain as a soothing white noise. Between my current health and the day's mental fatigue, sinking into a strange sense of sentimentality actually felt quite pleasant. The next thing I knew, it was morning.
By the time I finished getting ready and stepped outside, the ground was dotted with puddles, but the gloomy clouds were drifting east, barely even obstructing the morning sun. According to the weather forecast, it was supposed to clear up from here on. I felt a wave of relief that I wouldn't need to carry an umbrella.
"……Did you bring your replacement bandages?"
"—Ah."
"Idiot."
Even as she lectured me, Nee-chan was taking full advantage of my injury to hitch a ride in Mom’s car. Honestly, was she okay with throwing away one of her few opportunities for exercise? Recently, her waistline has been—well, I’m not really one to talk. Perhaps because I’ve been so cautious since the injury, I feel like I’ve stopped moving my body even more than usual. Until recently, I used to do bit of self-training to get Natsukawa to look my way, but those muscle reserves I’d built up were probably hitting zero about now. I’d hate to have an unsightly body, so I really should at least do some bare-minimum conditioning...
I hopped out of the car before it departed and rushed back to the front door with plenty of unnecessary, dramatic movements. I pulled at the handle with all my weight, only to be blocked by the lock; I was practically repelled by my own home. I forced a smile, trying to support my crushed spirits as we finally set off.
◆
I felt a smug sense of superiority as we drove past students struggling to navigate around the puddles on their way to school. If it was this satisfying in autumn, the students who got driven to school every day in the sweltering heat of midsummer must have felt like royalty. Their karmic merit must be in the negatives; surely they’ll be reborn as some low-ranking animal in the next life. Since I’ve always walked to school, I’m convinced I’ll be reborn as a beautiful woman’s pet cat, pampered with treats every day. No... that’s probably asking too much.
We arrived at school and headed through the gates. As expected of Nee-chan, there wasn't a hint of apology in her posture as she intimidated everyone around her, monopolizing the dry parts of the path. It was a clear expression of her will: she didn't need any karmic merit. It seemed she still hadn't forgotten her past-life vow to overthrow King Enma and take his place as the ruler of Hell.
When I reached the classroom, the usual morning scene unfolded before me. On rainy days, you could often see a different side of the girls—complaining about the humidity or their uniforms getting wet—but a single night of rain didn't seem to have much of an effect. Tsk...
As I headed toward my seat, Natsukawa was already sitting in the one behind it, as usual. Ashida was nowhere to be seen. I intentionally walked past her to set my bag on my desk before resolving to speak to her.
"U-Um... Good morning."
"……Good morning."
The reason I’d hesitated over a simple greeting was that I couldn't gauge Natsukawa's mood. She kept her gaze fixed on her desk. She’d returned the greeting, at least, so... was it okay?
"Natsukawa, about yesterday..."
"……"
"……Um."
Even though I tried to follow up, her eyes didn't budge from her desk. I’d hoped she would meet my eyes and show she was listening, as she always did in a model conversation, but Natsukawa remained motionless. As the worst-case scenario began to turn my mind white, my words couldn't keep up with the speed of my racing thoughts.
As I stood there pathetically mumbling, Natsukawa quietly stood up.
"—Sorry. I have to..."
"Ah, okay..."
In the end, Natsukawa left the classroom without ever meeting my eyes. It wasn't so much that she was being cold; she just looked utterly devoid of energy. Lacking the courage to chase after her, I could only sink into my chair, my strength deserting me.
Even though I’d known it was coming, the shock was massive. I sat there in a daze, and before I knew it, time had slipped away. I heard the sound of the owner of the seat behind me returning. Her earlier exit was undoubtedly a sign that she had nothing to say to me right now, and turning around with a cheerful face would only darken her expression further.
Just how did it come to this? To organize my thoughts, I looked back on what had happened yesterday after school.
◆
The Young Lady had come to see me and offered to drive me home until my left hand was healed. While I was reeling from the unexpected offer, Natsukawa had asked why the Young Lady, of all people, was making it. After some back-and-forth, the topic finally turned to the cause of my injury. Looking back now, I should have forced my way into the conversation and brushed it off, no matter how awkward it was.
Natsukawa had dismissed the injury as the result of my "clumsiness." It was only natural; that was the story I’d given her. Natsukawa was just repeating what I’d told her to the Young Lady’s face. The Young Lady should have known from our time at the hospital that I had no intention of revealing the truth to anyone, but...
"—That's not it at all!!"
Her eyes changed, her temper snapped, and she blurted out the whole truth.
I wondered exactly what had set the Young Lady off—actually, I had a vague idea. Her attitude toward me had visibly softened, and she’d even offered that lift as a form of aftercare. She must have been feeling an immense amount of guilt. Hearing Natsukawa, an unrelated outsider, describe my injury as a "clumsy mistake" must have felt like an insult to the person who had sacrificed himself for her. But even so...
"———He stabbed his own hand to save my life!!"
That was the breaking point.
It would have been one thing if I were the one to reveal it, but the Young Lady should never have spoken of it. This wasn't just about my convenience or hers. Beyond paying the medical expenses, the Shinonome Family had taken responsibility for giving a false explanation to the school—even going so far as to suppress the Student Council—because my wishes and the family’s needs aligned. Even if I was the one who actually put a hole in my hand, the truth of the situation—that the Young Lady had attempted something that wouldn't have ended as mere self-harm—was literally a forbidden topic. The concealment of this truth was no longer just between us.
The Young Lady, breathing heavily, had hurled the truth at Natsukawa as if she were an avatar of justice. Rather than worrying about Natsukawa knowing the secret, I felt a headache coming on because the Young Lady had broken the pact.
"……Hey, Geezer. Monitor."
"I-I am terribly sorry—"
Even I couldn't help but lower my voice and growl at the old man. I even considered that if the school or other adults started breathing down my neck because of this, I’d stop trying to cover it up and just spill everything—including the fact that the Young Lady had held a cutter to her own throat. She was the one who spoke first, and if it went that far, a mere high schooler like me wouldn't be able to keep it hidden anyway. Once the smoke starts leaking out, everyone starts shouting "fire," whether they're adults or children.
"Young Lady...!!!"
"Hi—……Ah."
When the elderly man grabbed her shoulder and spoke with a sharpness that surpassed her own, the enraged Young Lady finally regained her senses. But it was already too late.
As she realized what she’d said less than ten seconds ago, the Young Lady’s face turned deathly pale, and she fell into a dazed stupor. Even if she regretted the injury itself, her tendency to act impulsively in the worst possible directions hadn't improved one bit.
Meanwhile, I had something else I had to deal with.
"Na-Natsukawa. About this..."
"—……hy……"
"Eh...?"
Until I had gotten the Young Lady under control, I hadn't noticed Natsukawa’s state as she stood behind me. Feeling nothing but guilt for lying, I turned around while keeping my eyes on the ground, only to notice dark, damp spots forming on the dirt at Natsukawa's feet. When I finally looked up, I forgot to blink.
"Why……"
"……!"
They were tears I was seeing for the first time. I unintentionally followed the droplets with my eyes as they rolled down her cheeks. My mind went completely blank; I couldn't find a single word to say.
I had lied to her. And beyond the guilt of trying to keep her silent, I’d expected Natsukawa to be waiting for me with her cheeks puffed out in annoyance, like she always was.
Looking back, that expectation was my own negligence. I’d sworn not to cause her any more trouble. I’d been elated just to be near her, even though I couldn't let go of my feelings—and now the bill for that joy had finally come due.
In that moment, I couldn't find the quick-wittedness that had allowed me to sacrifice my left hand in an instant.