Morning homeroom. While their homeroom teacher, Ms. Ohtsuki, was busy preparing for the day, the classroom was alive with the buzzing chatter of students. Despite the noise, no one dared to actually leave their seats to socialize.
“……!”
He was usually such a clown. The girls in the class often giggled at him, watching his antics with the same look one might give a mischievous elementary schooler. Because of that, it never seemed likely that anyone would harbor tender feelings for him. That was precisely why it had been such a shock.
Her gaze drifted to the very front of the corridor-side row. There, the boy in question and her best friend, Kei, were acting up even more than usual. As she watched them, the tapping of her index finger against her desk grew louder and more insistent. It was a different kind of frustration from the one she’d felt upon waking—a muddled, complicated knot of emotion.
(Kei…!)
She didn't know what Wataru had tucked away. She couldn't be sure if that envelope was a love letter filled with someone’s secret pining. But there was no doubt that it was something of intense interest to both her and the girl currently hovering over him. After all, it was a letter addressed to that Wataru. Not some random boy, but him—the one who was special.
(Argh… honestly!)
No, now wasn't the time for that. To anyone else, the two of them fooling around in the corner of her vision might have looked like flirting. She could guess the reason behind it. Kei was likely dying to know what was in the letter and was trying to pry information out of him from every possible angle. Her methods, however, were anything but ordinary.
Leaning over the desk from behind, Kei was practically draping herself over Wataru, reaching into his personal space to aim for his pocket.
Aika knew Kei wasn't being serious. Her expression was that of someone purely enjoying the act of teasing Wataru, who was clearly flustered by the possibility of having received a love letter. Kei was reveling in the commotion. Perhaps because she was so focused on the prank, she didn't seem to notice how much of her body was pressing against him.
Worse yet, because she was leaning so far forward, the hem of her skirt was at a precarious height. To the boy sitting behind her, it must have looked like she was sticking her rear out right in his face. Aika felt a mix of irritation at the two of them for their total lack of gender-conscious boundaries, and sheer anxiety for the overly defenseless Kei.
Eventually, Kei seemed to have had her fill of fun. She sat back down with a deliberate, exaggerated pout, and Aika felt a wave of relief. Immediately after, however, came the frustration of being unable to caution her friend directly, followed by a surge of annoyance at Wataru for not rebuking the girl for being so careless.
Then, just as quickly, an indescribable sense of alienation left a cold hollow in her chest.
(…Must be nice.)
They looked like they were having so much fun. She wanted to be part of that circle.
It was a small, honest thought—one she would be mortified if anyone ever heard. If it were Kei, she would undoubtedly welcome Aika in, only to then tease her without mercy.
Regardless, the current Aika was simply too far away from the two of them.
(Eh…)
“…Ah—”
The seat reshuffle had been Ms. Ohtsuki’s idea. Aika had finished moving her desk early, only to freeze when she saw the face of the boy who arrived to take the spot in front of her. When their eyes met, he looked away awkwardly and immediately shoved his desk against the wall, right in front of hers.
“Whoa…! Natsukawa-san is behind Sajou-kun?! Talk about a stroke of luck!”
“I thought you guys finally split up, but man, Sajou’s persistence is legendary!”
Aibe and Matsuda, sitting in the next row over, tossed out those reckless comments. Not long ago, she wouldn't have cared what her classmates said. But now, the situation was different.
(What do they think they're saying…)
It was a tactless remark, like someone playfully shaking a tightrope. Even if yesterday's events hadn't happened, she felt there would have been some lingering awkwardness. At the very least, it wasn't the kind of thing people should say directly in front of the parties involved.
She looked at Wataru tentatively. Or rather, she couldn't think of any other way to act "naturally." The awkward look in his eyes remained, and he met her gaze with a forced, strained smile.
“…Um, nice to be sitting near you.”
“Y-Yeah…”
She could easily read Wataru's mind. He was undoubtedly feeling the same suffocating awkwardness she was. This was bad. They nodded to each other, trying to synchronize their responses just to get through the interaction.
(…Mm…)
The awkwardness remained, but a small, warm glow began to spread in her chest.
Then it hit her. Wataru was in the seat directly in front of her.
(…)
Once he had settled in, Wataru began looking around restlessly. Watching him, she remembered the interaction between him and Kei earlier. Laughing, relaxed, acting as if the distance between a boy and a girl didn't even exist.
“Hey, um…”
“…………Hm? What is it?”
The words had left her mouth before she could stop them. He paused for a beat, seemingly surprised that she was continuing the conversation. Once he’d fully settled into his new space, she summoned her courage and leaned in slightly.
“About that… w-why don't you just look at it?”
She was just as curious about the contents as anyone else. She didn't need to know the specifics; she just wanted to know if it was a love letter or not. Kei had been so aggressive about it, and Aika hated the feeling of being the only one holding back, watching from the sidelines.
“…You won't peek?”
“I-I won't!”
How could he say that? That was exactly the difference between her and Kei. She couldn't use something as delicate as a love letter to tease him. The idea of him distancing himself because of such a stunt was terrifying. Kei could only pull it off because of her usual uninhibited personality.
In that moment, she felt a little—no, a lot—envious of Kei.
“……Alright, fine.”
He gave in. She felt as though Kei had lowered the hurdle for him. If not for her earlier meddling, Wataru might have waited until he got home to open it. Even now, he might have refused her.
Wataru rummaged through his pocket. Was he really going to read it? Wait, she could see his hands reflected in the window to her left. What should she do? Was she going to end up peeking by accident? No, this was just an act of God. If she saw it, it was a coincidence. But still—
“Well, then—”
“Sajou-kun, nice to meet you too!”
“Gwak?!”
Just as she was agonizing over it, Okamoto-san, who sat in front of Wataru, spun around in her seat. Wataru, who had been right on the verge of pulling out the letter, let out a bizarre cry and slammed his right hand down onto his desk.
(—Honestly!!)
It wasn't anyone's fault. It was just Okamoto-san’s terrible timing. Despite that, Aika’s heart screamed in frustration because they had been so close.
“Ah, no, yeah… nothing. Nice to meet you, yeah.”
“Glad to be here! Oh, it’s Natsukawa-san! It’s great you guys could be so close together, Sajou-kun.”
“Ugh… yeah, I guess…”
Wataru stammered. Beyond him, Okamoto-san was saying the same things as Aibe and Matsuda. There was no malice in it. Aika finally realized that, to everyone else, this was something they felt comfortable saying without a second thought.
If she had to blame anyone, it could only be Wataru. Looking back, he had made such a scene about his feelings regardless of who was watching. That meant Wataru’s feelings—and her own reactions to them—were public knowledge.
(But now…)
Things weren't the same. Their relationship had changed even before yesterday. While Wataru had retreated and started observing from the periphery, she had just allowed herself to be swept along by the fun of the moment. She realized now that she’d been far too carefree.
She understood now why Wataru had tried to put distance between them, but back then, she’d been clueless. Only one person was pulling away, yet she couldn't understand why she felt such a lingering sense of loss. It was only much later that she realized it was the same feeling as when Kei wasn't around. Even then, she had forgotten…
“…? Oh, Shirai-san? No, Shirai-san isn't exactly sitting next to Ichinose-san or anything, is she?”
(—!)
She snapped out of her thoughts. She had been sinking into a deep, solitary place. Hearing Wataru mention "Ichinose-san" brought her back to reality.
Ichinose-san. Mina Ichinose. The small, quiet girl with long bangs who hadn't stood out at all before the summer vacation. That was all the impression Aika had, and they still hadn't spoken. But since the second semester began and she’d cut her bangs, that impression had shifted. She had large, round, slightly droopy eyes that always seemed to be shimmering with uncertainty, triggering a fierce protective instinct in those around her. She was so adorable that Aika had even thought she’d like to be her friend.
“It must be nice to have so much breathing room, Sajou-kun. I mean, Ichinose-san is so attached to you.”
Yet that girl, perhaps because she was afraid of being noticed, would always hide behind Wataru, clinging to his back. Clinging. Their bodies would be pressed together. And Wataru allowed it. The memory of the shock she felt seeing that was still fresh. Aika didn't think she was wrong to have hurriedly stepped between them because she thought it was "unhealthy." Definitely not.
But the real question was why Mina Ichinose was so attached to Wataru. No matter how many times she asked, he evaded the question, but she could guess. It was the girl from his summer job. She had heard snippets about her, and given the nature of those stories, she could understand why he’d be evasive.
But wait, hadn't their relationship only just mended after a falling out? And wasn't that girl supposedly obsessed with her older brother? Then why was she so clingy with Wataru?
(What if she’s not the girl from the job…?)
“Ah, well… yeah, it’s fine, I guess.”
(It is not fine.)
Could they have become close through some personal interaction she didn't know about? She found herself doubting Wataru. Regardless, she felt an unidentifiable sense of non-acceptance toward the fact that, in the short span of a summer vacation, those two had formed a bond that seemed firmer than her own.
“—Ahem! Ahem!”
—Ugh.
Thinking that dwelling on Ichinose-san would only invite trouble, she tried to clear her throat, but it came out sounding much more forced than intended. She shrank back as Wataru and Okamoto-san turned to look at her curiously.
“Um…”
“Ah, Natsukawa-san. It’s not like Sajou-kun is being a nuisance or anything.”
“Eh?”
“Wait, Okamo-chan, why are you reporting that to her?”
Eh? Is he really calling her "Okamo-chan"?
The words nearly escaped her lips. Every time Wataru interacted with anyone other than her or Kei, his words and actions left a bitter aftertaste. Was it really because of yesterday? This gloom in her heart was growing. Another piece of that "unidentifiable sense of non-acceptance" was added to the pile.
“I see…”
Taking her frustration out on someone else would be irrational. She struggled to regain her composure, but then Okamoto-san's next words caught her off guard.
"Sajou-kun is a troublemaker." She spoke as if that was Aika’s default opinion of him. And certainly, back when Wataru was still relentlessly pursuing her, she had felt that way. To Okamoto-san, their dynamic probably hadn't changed at all.
“Hehe, I’m so excited to see ‘Sajou-kun and Natsukawa-san’ from the front row!”
(—!!)
It felt as though time had stopped. Her ears rejected every other sound in the room. Her hand instinctively moved to her chest. She couldn't tell if her heart actually hurt or not.
“Sajou-kun and Natsukawa-san.” She was talking about the way Wataru used to chase her and she would brush him off as a nuisance. There was no way the current Wataru—the current them—could ever go back to that. She knew Okamoto-san meant no harm. Even so, she couldn't help but think how cruel it was to say.
A cold dread pierced her. What would Wataru do now? Did he even still have those feelings for her? And if he didn't, surely he wouldn't go so far as to suppress his own feelings just to keep up the act of chasing her?
Worried, she searched Wataru’s face.
“I might not be able to live up to those expectations, though. Right, Natsukawa?”
“—Ah… um… y-yeah.”
His tone was incredibly light. She couldn't tell if he was being sincere or just putting on a mask.
He had chosen his words well. It was likely the kindest way to implicitly signal that they could no longer put on the "Sajou-kun and Natsukawa-san" show for everyone.
But why did it feel wrong?
(…Can you really say it that easily?)
Even if those words were just a performance. Setting her own feelings aside, were those times really something Wataru could discard so casually? One more piece of non-acceptance was added to the stack, and the weight of it was so painful she had to look away.
“Eh… oh? Come to think of it, lately, you haven't been using names or………… ah.”
Startled, Aika looked up. In that moment, Okamoto-san’s eyes darted away from her and back to Wataru.
(Was she… looking at me just now?)
She couldn't be sure. Only doubts swirled in her mind. Things she couldn't process kept piling up. The situation with Ichinose-san, what had happened yesterday, the letter for Wataru, the way everyone saw them.
And then—
“I-I see…”
“Yeah, sorry about that, okay?”
The heart of Sajou Wataru, too.