“S-Sajocchi... if you’re awake, say something.”
“...Ah...”
His face was ghostly pale. He didn’t seem to be sweating much, but despite how still he was, his breathing was labored. It was clear his fever remained high. Even so, he heard Kei’s words and managed a weak reply.
I brought over two stools from nearby and sat down by the bedside.
“...Can’t you sleep?”
“……”
Since he seemed able to hear me, I tried asking a normal question. I waited for an answer, but he didn’t respond; he didn’t even try to look our way. He remained still, his eyes turned vaguely toward the window. Even after waiting a while, there was no reply, and he simply stared at the countless raindrops clinging to the glass. I already knew he wasn't feeling well, but I couldn't help but feel a flicker of frustration.
“Is it rough?”
“...Obviously.”
“I-I see...”
When I threw out a different question, he gave a surprisingly firm answer, which startled me. Although he never turned his head toward us, it seemed he was capable of holding a conversation. That said, I didn't intend to force it. I would stick to the bare minimum—only things that were actually worth asking.
“...Do you need anything?”
“We have Pocari.”
“……”
I asked if there was anything he wanted, but there was no reply, so I traded looks with Kei. He looked pained but composed—or perhaps composed despite the pain. I felt a sense of cognitive dissonance from the atmosphere surrounding him; I couldn't tell if he actually had any presence of mind to spare. I tried to recall if I had felt the same way when I was stuck in bed with a cold. I remembered that when I had a high fever, I suffered from a sensation like being trapped in a maze of inverted colors.
And yet, he seemed remarkably clear-headed in comparison.
“...My bad...”
“Eh...”
“For making a scene.”
That wasn't like him. And those were such humble words. Normally, I would have shot back with something like, "Don't apologize for something like that," but the atmosphere was too strange for me to laugh it off. Yes, this was the source of my unease. I could understand his tone being weaker than usual. However, even though he should have been incoherent with fever, he didn't mutter nonsense; he successfully engaged in a proper back-and-forth. It was only a brief exchange, but his demeanor seemed somehow rational and orderly.
“What’s wrong? You’re acting strange.”
“...What is.”
“No, what do you mean, ‘what’...?”
Right? I looked to the girl beside me, and she nodded repeatedly in agreement. In any case, I looked back at him, glad that he was at least well enough to speak. Then, still looking out the window, he let the right corner of his mouth curl up into a self-deprecating smirk.
“Heh...”
“...!”
I felt my heart skip a beat. I’d heard that people feel an urge to protect frail girls, but apparently, the same was true for boys. More than anything, because he was usually constantly fooling around, seeing him laugh weakly now made me feel like I couldn't just leave him alone.
“...”
“...”
I unintentionally fell silent. I hadn't intended to force a conversation, but was I the only one who found myself expecting words from him when he clearly had no intention of sleeping? Since he seemed to have the energy to talk, and since we'd come all this way to visit, I found myself selfishly wanting him to say a little more.
(I-I mean, he’s being visited by two girls, so he could at least—no, no! He’s a sick person!)
“—Ugh...”
“...! W-Wataru!?”
“Sajocchi!?”
Suddenly, he grimaced and twisted his head away from the pillow. I hurriedly leaned forward to check on him, but there was nothing we could do for someone who was already resting on a pillow. After groaning for a while with the back of his hand pressed to his forehead, he quietly tucked that hand back under the duvet.
“...Sorry, it’s just the headache...”
“Y-You don't have to talk anymore!”
Was it because I had made a selfish wish? I had intended to scold myself, but for some reason, I felt as if I were the one causing him pain. Though he regained his composure quickly, I simply couldn't leave him be. I didn't feel like taking my eyes off him at all. I felt as if I would miss something if I left this spot now...
To someone who knew his usual self, his skin looked pale enough to be alarming. I could tell from his breathing that he was suffering. If I touched him, he would surely feel hot, yet he looked almost cold. In fact, if it were the latter, that would be abnormal. I must have been losing my own composure as well. For some reason, I couldn't be certain, and I reached out my hand toward his skin where the shadows of the raindrops were scattered—
“——Don’t touch me.”
“...Wh-Why not?”
The words of rejection came just before I reached him. I hurriedly pulled my hand back at the unexpectedly cold words, but I reflexively got defensive, and the feelings I was supposed to have restrained flared up again. Oh, I thought, this is my bad habit—but before I could think further, he continued without giving me time to process.
“I don't want to pass it on to you two.”
“Ah...”
“And Airi-chan...”
“Y-Yeah...”
He listed his concerns one after another. Hearing the straightforward kindness directed at us and the mention of my beloved little sister's name, I couldn't help but feel happy. When I looked away out of embarrassment, my best friend beside me was acting fidgety and cute, even from the perspective of another girl. It seemed her feelings were the same as mine.
And then, as if that weren't enough, he continued further.
“I don't want to make the two of you suffer...”
“Wha—”
“Wait—”
◇
We fled. The two of us together.
“—Wait, wait, wait, wait!? What was that!? What was that!?”
“……”
We stood frozen in front of the Health Room. My friend, who was making a fuss, probably thought she was keeping her volume down, but she was so excited that it didn't really matter. As for me, my face was hot, my mind was blank, and I had fallen into a state where I couldn't find any words.
“Hey, hey... A weakened Sajocchi is just...”
“Th-That’s not allowed... It’s disrespectful, or rather...”
In all likelihood, that kindness and consideration were genuine. If he’d had any composure to spare, he surely would have pushed us away with his usual joking words and phrasing. Most likely, he simply didn't have the energy this time to dress up the thoughts in his head with vague expressions.
(W-What should I do... I didn't come to visit with that kind of intention...)
I felt an urge to go back to that bedside and talk to him again.
I understood that he didn't want us to touch him. However, by touching him anyway, maybe I could see him like that again—
“Wh-What’s wrong? You two.”
“Eek!?”
A voice called out when we thought there was no one else around. Startled, both of us let out high-pitched screams. As we clung to each other, we looked toward the speaker and remembered that we weren't the only ones with business at the Health Room.
“Sh-Shinomiya-senpai, and...”
The Disciplinary Committee President was looking at us with slightly perplexed eyes. Behind her, a senior with light brown hair stood looking at us, her hair and breathing slightly disheveled. Sajou Kaede-san—his older sister. I wonder why, but after seeing him, she looked somewhat more mature.
“N-No! We were just waiting for the two of you!”
“What, did you realize I’d be bringing Kaede?”
“Eh!? Y-Yes! Exactly!”
“K-Kei.”
I did my best to restrain my somewhat pathetic best friend before she could say anything else. She was usually the one with more composure, but in this case, it seemed both of us lacked immunity to that situation. For that matter, I didn't have the confidence to resolve the situation other than by staying quiet.
“……”
“Ah.”
As I stood still to regain my calm, his sister walked past us and opened the door to the Health Room without saying a word. I didn't know what kind of explanation she’d been given, but she seemed to be in a hurry.
After exchanging looks with the wryly smiling Shinomiya-senpai, the three of us followed after her. Strangely, I didn't feel like things would develop like they had before, and I was able to head back toward him without losing my cool.
“...Hey.”
“……”
He was still awake, looking out the window just as before. As usual, he didn't respond immediately after being spoken to. Seeing him like that, his sister sat down on the stool we'd left, crossed her arms and legs, and stared intently at him.
“...Nee-chan?”
“Yeah. You okay?”
“...Head hurts.”
“Fever?”
“...High.”
“Idiot.”
Despite being the one who spoke to him, her words were incredibly harsh. Beside me, Kei whispered, “Whoa...” On the surface, it sounded terrible. No, maybe she meant it literally. And yet, watching that interaction, I felt a sense of things falling into place. I was strangely convinced that this was what it meant to be “siblings.”
“What about where you hit yourself?”
“...Don’t remember.”
Now that I thought about it, he had fallen toward the classroom door from the shoulder, so he probably hadn't twisted anything weirdly, but only he would know for sure. I wondered if the words “don’t remember” could be taken as “I’m fine.” I couldn't really trust words regarding his current physical condition.
“Kaede. Ms. Shindo checked him, so he should be fine.”
“...Right.”
“Ah...”
His sister touched him—his cheek, his neck, his hand—as if confirming his temperature. Following her lead, Shinomiya-senpai also said, “Let’s see,” and placed her hand on his forehead. He didn't say anything in particular, quietly accepting it.
‘—I don’t want to pass it on to you two.’
If I applied those words to this situation, did it mean he didn't cherish these seniors? However, watching him allow the two seniors to touch him as they pleased, I didn't get the feeling that he thought they were “unimportant.”
(Unlike us... he’s allowing them...?)
“...It’s cold...”
“!”
His face softened as if he felt a little better. For just a moment, it felt like the “usual him” had returned. An intense question of “Why?” welled up inside me.
“What, are you hot?”
“...A little...”
“Then I’ll go buy something cold. Energy jelly might be just right.”
“I’m going to call Mom. This guy probably hasn't contacted her anyway.”
“……”
The conversation moved forward. It wasn't that he’d put into words that he wanted them to do those things. However, it didn't look like any of it was wrong.
He, who had looked hollow earlier, closed his eyes and settled his head back into the center of the pillow. As I watched him, his body seemed to relax more than before. As if to say he didn't have to worry anymore...
It left a bit of a knot in my chest.
Rice, hot water, kelp.
Rice, hot water, salt, pickled plum.
Rice, hot water, beaten egg, consommé.
Rice, hot water, chicken, beaten egg, white dashi.
Tonkotsu ramen.