Summer was just beginning. And yet, the elderly neighborhood regulars were already jumping the gun, performing their radio calisthenics to those all-too-familiar tunes. Just when I thought they were finished, the nostalgic sound of a chorus sung in raspy voices reached my ears.
Whether or not this was a morning overflowing with hope was one thing, but it was certainly a refreshing change for a weekday. Before, I had been leaving the house twenty minutes earlier than this just to match Natsukawa’s schedule. In this specific window of time, twenty minutes made a massive difference in how high the sun sat in the sky. Unlike yesterday, I was now diving into the throngs of people diligently commuting to work or school, becoming just another face in the crowd. Please, let me join your ranks.
Now, last night had been an ordeal. After Natsukawa left, it was only natural that my mom and Nee-chan interrogated me with terrifying intensity. What was my relationship with that girl? What kind of tricks did I use to get her there? What on earth were we talking about?
Finally, they condemned me for asking for other girls right in front of such a beauty, but when I shot back with, "Do you really think someone like me could ever end up with a girl that cute?" they both fell silent. You were more than welcome to argue with me there, you know.
Once a new day dawned, however, everything felt incredibly crisp.
I had put an unreasonable amount of effort into trying to date Natsukawa. Naturally, it was all so I could stand alongside her—a girl who excelled in both academics and sports. Thanks to that drive, I’d actually developed an interest in studying, and moderate exercise had become a habit.
However, no matter what I did, I could never truly reach Natsukawa Aika. I used to think I was willing to endure any amount of hardship just to be near her, but now, I didn't feel that necessity at all. When I tried setting my standards according to my actual potential, it was surprisingly liberating; I no longer needed to have high expectations for anything I did.
"...It’s a frightening thing."
Reality. It stared me straight in the face, and the dream-like scenery I had been chasing crumbled away like shattering glass.
It was only now that I’d cleared my head that I understood why something inside me had cooled so suddenly. That soccer ball blocking my path had caused me significant stress, greatly dampening my motivation to keep chasing her. It had forced me to become cruelly calm, making me view my situation objectively in that single, fleeting moment.
At the time, I didn't quite understand what was happening. But later, seeing my slouching reflection in the restroom mirror really drove it home. Who did I think I was? It was the ultimate moment of self-analysis. I’ll make sure to put that to use during my future job hunts.
"......Phew."
The preliminary bell for the start of school rang out. Since I was already near the classroom, I’d make it with plenty of time to spare. I wouldn't make a blunder like I did yesterday.
Now, just because I left the house later than usual didn't mean I was arriving at the very last second. Normally, I would have arrived at a standard time and spent it chatting with the friends around me.
But I’d given it some thought. My neighboring seat belonged to Natsukawa Aika.
"Yeah, no way."
The awkwardness was at 120%. Even if I nonchalantly took my seat, the resulting stress would probably make me go bald. I had confidently declared myself an average guy, but it turned out my heart was average too. Did I really think a lowly citizen who messed up yesterday could sit boldly next to a princess? Not a chance.
The moment I spotted our homeroom teacher at the far end of the hallway, I timed my dive into the classroom. Mission complete. Thanks to the general racket most of the students were making, I was able to disguise myself as Male Student Z. Wait, doesn’t "Z" usually loop back around to being a protagonist...?
"Hey."
"......O-Oh, morning."
Immediately after I took my seat, Natsukawa actually spoke to me. A myriad of things from last night rushed back to me, but it wasn't like I wanted to sever all ties with her. In fact, if we could stay on good terms as classmates or friends, that would be a win. Besides, I was still her number one fan.
There was a brief pause, but despite my stammering, I managed to meet her eyes and give a response.
"Why were you late today—"
Just as Natsukawa started to ask something, the homeroom teacher entered the room. Ohtsuki Megumi-sensei—popularly known as Ohtsuki-chan—stopped as if remembering something, then immediately locked onto me and flashed a beaming smile. I refused to interpret that as a friendly smile. Not in a million years...!
"Good morning, everyone. It looks like everyone is here today, without any tardiness."
"What are you talking about, Ohtsuki-chan? Sajou isn't—wait, he's here?! Since when were you here?!"
"I am always right behind Natsukawa Aika."
"No way, you..."
Following Ohtsuki-chan's meaningful opening, Yamazaki finally noticed my presence. When I jokingly played it off with a loud voice, everyone looked my way with "Is this guy for real...?" expressions. Was this really how I was perceived daily? Natsukawa was looking at me as if she were witnessing something unbelievable. Surely she didn't believe I’d actually been stalking her this morning, right...?
"Sajou-kun. Could you come to the staff room later?"
"......"
By the time I realized my mistake, it was too late. If I thought about it, some of my classmates had known about me chasing Natsukawa for two and a half years, going back to our second year of middle school; there was no way a joke like that was going to land well.
Ohtsuki Megumi. She was a beautiful teacher who had started at this school the same year our grade entered. That said, she wasn't exactly what you’d call refined; she got angry when she needed to and laughed when she wanted to, maintaining a very close relationship with the students.
Now, while I’d faced the reality that I was just a mediocre guy, I think I used to be a fairly central figure—an icebreaker—in class. However, that role was built entirely upon the bit of me "chasing Natsukawa Aika," and it wasn't a role I’d taken on because I actually enjoyed it. It was probably impossible for me to keep it up now.
It was time to fade out.
I’d start with Ohtsuki-chan. I’d known her since the beginning of spring, but unlike my classmates, we didn't spend the entire day together. I would use this summons to the staff room to convince her that my attitude toward Natsukawa wasn't "the real deal." From there, I’d shift my target to the rest of the class, eventually turning my student life into something peaceful and free of unnecessary social burdens.
For that sake, I’d even willingly take a hit from her Binder Edge—wait, Ohtsuki-chan... I mean, Sensei? Isn't that binder in your hand different from the usual one? It looks kind of metallic—ah, wait.
"......That was obviously a joke."
"When you're the one saying it, it doesn't sound like a joke, Sajou-kun."
"Sigh, I suppose."
Even though I’d had the chance to reevaluate myself, it was still only my own perspective; I hadn't fully grasped how I looked objectively. Judging by the atmosphere of the class and the teacher's words, it seemed I was perceived as quite the eccentric.
As I responded, lost in thought, Sensei looked at me with a surprised expression.
"How unexpected... I didn't think you were capable of being so detached. So you do have a normal side."
"Well, there are only teachers here, after all."
"........."
In the classroom, every student has their own position. It's something everyone understands without ever putting it into words, and teachers rarely intervene.
Rarely... but most teachers have to be aware that the hierarchy exists.
"You don't feel the need to put on a front for your teacher?"
"Well, there isn't much point to it..."
"Is that so..."
In reality, there was no disadvantage to a teacher seeing my boring side. It would only be more of a hassle if I tried to butter her up and we became unnecessarily close. The best-case scenario was being thought of as a dull, slightly troublesome student. That way, I wouldn't even be called on during class.
If anything, I had put on a curt front specifically so she wouldn't take an interest in me, but Sensei's dejected face lingered strangely in my mind.
If I were a teacher and a student said that to me, I guess I'd feel pretty bad, too.