As the morning sun coaxed my eyes open, I sat up in bed to find an intruder standing before my window. Bathed in the light from outside, she stood with her arms crossed, wearing a smirk that was far too fearless for someone who had just broken in.
"Tell me, Kaito. What day is it today? What is April 1st!"
"...Huh? It's April Fools' Day."
"Wrong! April 1st is World Serious Day! I just decided it was so!!"
"Then there was no way for me to know that, was there?!"
I really wished she would stop hitting me with unknown information the moment I woke up. It felt like it was going to ruin my whole morning.
Regardless, the person before me was Serious-senpai, a woman who appeared abruptly with a frequency of roughly once a year. She wasn't exactly a bad person, but she was shrouded in mystery. To be frank, I simply didn't understand her at all.
"...I see. Granted, on the story's timeline, it probably isn't actually April 1st yet, so I suppose I can understand your confusion. Considering the time that has passed since the Birthday Chapter, is it around the end of the year? Either way, I understand your bewilderment perfectly."
"...No, I suspect my feelings aren't getting through to you in the slightest."
My current feeling was: What on earth is this person talking about? I might have been confused and bewildered, but that was because of Serious-senpai's remarks, not because of the date. What was this feeling? Even though I had just woken up, I felt like saying "goodnight" and going right back to sleep.
"But think about it. You could say that since entering the second part, the timeline within the story has essentially entered one of those 'Mysterious Space-Times' you see so often in fiction. If that’s the case, things like seasons and months are trivial matters."
"Yawn... What do you mean by 'Mysterious Space-Time'?"
"You know, like in those series where the characters never move up a grade or get any older, yet the seasons keep turning, and seasonal events like Christmas or New Year's happen over and over again."
"Oh, those are common, aren't they? I think they’re sometimes called 'floating timelines' or something... I'm so sleepy... Senpai, I’m going to brew some coffee. Do you want a cup?"
"Wow, you’re giving me such a disinterested reaction... Ah, but I will gratefully accept the coffee."
To be honest, since we had met so many times now, I had grown used to her. I felt that skimming through about seventy percent of what Serious-senpai said was just about right. Her mood swings were intense, and she would suddenly say things that made no sense. Even if I listened seriously, it would only lead to a headache, so catching the main points was usually enough.
"...So, Serious-senpai, you came from that room that has no entrance or exit, where you can only go outside once a year... the place that sounds like pure torture just to hear about, right? What's the plan for this year?"
"Hmph, I’m glad you asked. Looking back, I realize I’ve been passively seeking 'serious' developments until now. But that won't do! From now on, I intend to seek them more actively. As a first step, I’ve prepared in advance for this occasion."
"Prepared? For what?"
"Behold!"
"...What exactly is that?"
Serious-senpai pulled out a palm-sized tool shaped like a globe made of a crystal-like sphere. It looked like a Magic Tool, but it had a strange, mechanical design to it.
"Simply put, it’s a Teleportation Magic Tool. I had that dangerous God who often visits my place make it for me."
"...Ah, the one who often eats you after turning you into a snack?"
"Lately, she’s started manipulating my properties before she eats me. She’s Omniscient and Omnipotent, so if she’s going to go to that much trouble, she might as well just manifest a finished product for herself... I just don't understand why she’s so persistent about eating me."
"Senpai, I’ve told you this before, but that person really is dangerous... Shouldn't you avoid going into her debt?"
"No, well, she’s one of your people... I mean, rather than me being in her debt, it’s more like she’s paying me back since she’s eaten me so many times... Anyway! Kaito, we’re leaving immediately! Are you ready to go out?!"
"...This is the first I’ve heard of this, and I literally just woke up."
Why was it already decided that we were going somewhere? I had only just gotten out of bed and had a single cup of morning coffee!
"Mmm, well then... get ready quickly."
"So it's already decided. But you said you were 'actively seeking serious content.' Where are we going? My preparations might change depending on the destination..."
"To a Hot Spring!"
"...What does a Hot Spring have to do with being 'serious'?"
"Wait, there’s no connection between a Hot Spring and being 'serious' at all? What are you talking about?"
"...Senpai, can I slap you across the face? Just a little bit hard?"
"C-Calm down! This was a choice made after careful calculation. The reason I chose a Hot Spring as our destination is because a Hot Spring Chapter is coming up soon!!"
I’ll say it again: we were having this exchange right after I woke up. I thought I was being incredibly patient just by not taking out a Toy Hammer.
"I... don't really follow, but are we going to a Hot Spring ahead of the official Hot Spring Chapter? Like a preliminary inspection?"
"You’re close... but not quite. By carrying out a Hot Spring Chapter myself, I plan to gain 'Hot Spring Resistance' to mitigate the damage. Furthermore, there’s a reason I invited you at this specific hour!"
"It’s the middle of the morning. What’s the catch?"
"Hehehe. By heading to the Hot Spring District at this early hour... there aren't enough words left in this Extra Chapter to write about a Night Mixed Bathing event. Even if the story is extended by one or two chapters like before, we won't reach the bathing scene! In other words, it’s a perfect calculation to gain Hot Spring Resistance while avoiding a Lovey-dovey Event!! Fuhaha, too bad for you, Mixed Bathing King! You won't have the chance to activate your unique skill today!"
"...I’ll ask just in case, but who exactly are you calling the 'Mixed Bathing King'? Depending on your answer, I might actually get angry."
"...Well, I mean, if you’ve shared a bath with all your lovers and a few other people on top of that, aren't you enough of a Mixed Bathing King?"
"..."
She was so right I couldn't even argue. I suppose if I had shared a bath with a double-digit number of women, I couldn't complain if people called me that. However, even so...
"Still, it feels unsatisfying to be silenced by your logic, Senpai... so I'm going to hit you once with a Toy Hammer."
"Why?! You’ve put me into that category of people like Alice and Tre who you can treat roughly without me even realizing it, haven't you?!"
Machina: "Why everyone makes me create Hot Spring Districts, I do not understand... Also, Serious-senpai's failure was already confirmed by the chapter title."