I was Leo.
Just your average King of Chronos in the Galactic Imperial Army.
I was supposed to be the manager for the baseball club, but I was going to be late for the big game! I had to hurry! (Full-speed sprint.)
"The King has escaped! After him!"
I sprinted at top speed, a slice of toast clamped between my teeth.
But I wasn't some mass-produced rom-com heroine. I gallantly dodged the squad—my "Darlings"—waiting around the corner with guns drawn. Oh, I could feel a premonition of love!
I dove into a vacant lot that had been set aside for the local children. It even had three concrete pipes stacked there, just like in the old stories. I grabbed a motorcycle from the underground garage I’d dug beneath the bushes without permission and burst out of the lot.
"Ah! He really did have a getaway bike hidden! Emergency! The King is fleeing toward the spaceport! He’s riding like a pro racer! We have to intercept him before he reaches the port!"
Vrooooooooooom!
This was an infantry two-wheeled vehicle developed by the Chronos Army. Its top speed was in the racing class. I wouldn't let a soul get ahead of me.
As I rode, the administrative broadcast system for the citizens crackled to life—the same one used to announce evacuations during disasters.
"Due to a large-scale cyberattack, the network is currently down. As a result, the baseball game has been temporarily suspended. In the meantime, the 'Find King Leo! Max 1 Million Credits Prize' event is now underway. We encourage all citizens to join the hunt."
Agh! They would do that!
"A special pro-wrestling exhibition with free admission is also being held in the plaza. Please feel free to attend."
Dammit! They must have pulled emergency funds from Chronos to fund this. My masters were far too good at business.
Waaaaaaaah!
I sped down the national highway toward the spaceport, which had recently been relocated to a massive site to accommodate more users. Suddenly, an Imperial Army transport aircraft appeared overhead.
"Lord Groom! Don't you dare run!"
It was my wifey.
"No way! Fixing this mess is way beyond my pay grade!"
I mean, seriously. The internet outage had triggered a massive riot in the Taikyoku Nation. The people of Taikyoku were usually quiet, polite, and quick to smile, but they were terrifying once they actually snapped.
I went full throttle. I was going back to Planet Kamishiro! I wasn't stepping a foot outside until I’d finished my entire backlog of manga, anime, and games!
"Ah, he's picking up speed! Fine then. I authorize an attack!"
"Why?! Why am I being treated like a stray bear that wandered into a village?!"
I thought I’d forced the genre into a romantic comedy!
Boom!
Ah! She actually shot at me! It wasn't anything that would destroy the infrastructure, of course. It was a massive flare. A flare... oh, crap. There were flash grenades mixed in.
Poof!
The light! My eyes! My eyessssss!
But how naive! I let my Mind’s Eye take over and continued driving.
"His Majesty is still driving!"
"Nuuuuuuuuuu! Is the Lord Groom some kind of monster?!"
My vision eventually recovered. It was still flickering, but it wasn't a problem. I’d just head to the spaceport, board a transport ship I’d registered under a fake name, and—
Then I saw Rikochi standing in my path. She was in full armor, leveling a rocket launcher at me.
Ah, it was over.
"I’m your husband, damn it!!"
Boom!
And so, the UMA Kawagon, who had been zooming along on his motorcycle, was successfully captured.
"Sniff, sniff. It's too much for me!"
I was being led away with a rope around my waist like a toddler. My wifey was busy speaking with a civil official.
"Well? How did it go?"
"The pro-wrestling and the 'His Majesty Tracking Game' were a hit. I believe we’ve successfully distracted the public for now."
"I told you, it's too much for me!"
I’d survived being blasted by a rocket launcher by jumping off the bike at the last second. I’d used my own ESP to heal the scrapes. I had to use it every once in a while, after all.
"Lord Groom... your bike is ruined."
"Yeah, it's broken..."
"If I recall, you preferred American bikes over sport bikes, didn't you?"
"Yeah..."
The fuel efficiency was garbage, but I liked them because they were stable. I absolutely loved that rugged design. And Wifey... you actually remembered that.
"I'll buy you one for your daily use."
"...Ex...cuse me?"
She’d told me motorcycles were forbidden. Until now, I’d only been allowed to ride a mamachari.
"Wifey! A touring trip! Let's go on a touring trip!"
We could go to the sea in a sidecar! Somewhere we could enjoy hot springs and the ocean! Oh, that’s right! There was that one inn in Chronos that faced the sea—you could supposedly fish right from your room!
"Only once the incident is resolved!"
"Yahoo!"
"Oh, that sounds nice. I want to go too!" Rikochi added, nodding her approval.
"Let’s strap our hands to the engines of a death trap, Wendy. We’re riding a suicide machine."
"What on earth are you talking about?"
"It’s an American bike staple."
"Is that so?"
Potato-potato-potato.
I danced around, my mood completely restored. And with that, my attempted escape was officially a thing of the past. The real issue now was the furious citizens of the Taikyoku Nation, and the Fairy, who was currently angrier than I had ever seen her. I really wasn't sure what to do about them.
"Leo-kun... I've found the enemy hideout."
"That was fast. So, who are they?"
"It’s a group in Latarnia. I’ve already notified their authorities... oh, they have cells scattered in the Taikyoku Nation as well. What a mess. I'll send the notification... oh, it looks like they're moving in already. I'll use the Rosaria lines to broadcast the raid."
I could hear a fight song playing.
Ah, yeah... okay.
The soldiers from the Taikyoku Nation were regular infantry, but they were still wearing their baseball uniforms. They must have been watching the game at work when the order to deploy came in.
"Death to those who tainted the sacred match!"
"Woooooooooooooh!"
The Taikyoku soldiers charged, singing their fight song at the top of their lungs.
"Oh, this is fun. I’ll broadcast this to the stadium too," the Fairy said.
Next, the feed switched to the stadium. The remaining fans were singing along with the soldiers.
"Get 'em! Tear them apart!"
"Kill them all!"
It was no longer a situation where a new motorcycle would make everything better. The stadium was a cacophony of noisemakers and cheering.
Furthermore, it wasn't just the regular army at the scene of the raid. Local residents had gathered, armed with baseball bats.
"Come out here, you punks!"
"I'll kill you myself, you bastards!"
"We’re going to hang you, you idiots!!"
The citizens were absolutely livid. The regular soldiers didn't even try to stop them. The numbers were just too overwhelming. If the soldiers tried to interfere, they’d likely be lynched right alongside the terrorists. They weren't paid nearly enough for that.
"Ah... well, it looks like they’re anti-government activist groups from Latarnia and the Taikyoku Nation. Still, for a terrorist group to suddenly strike in two countries simultaneously... it's almost like something Leo-kun would do."
"Hey, you just made it sound like I'm a professional at destabilizing nations."
"Is that not an objective fact?"
"I was Leo. Just your average King of Chronos in the Galactic Imperial Army. I was the manager for the baseball club, but—"
"I get it already! Just behave yourself!"
"Yes, ma'am..."
I honestly didn't know what was going on anymore.
"For now, I'll reboot the lines and resume the baseball broadcast," the Fairy said.
"Sure thing..."
It's a real pain when you can't even tell what the enemy's ultimate goal is.