"Don't you dare give up on me! Since you already forced that 'Loss Time' excuse last time, you’d better find a way to drag this out under the April Fools' banner!!"
"Wait, what’s this all of a sudden...?"
"It’s just one of her usual episodes. Here, Kaito-san, throw this."
I was startled by Serious-senpai, who had once again abruptly shouted into the void, but Alice—or rather, ???—didn't seem the least bit bothered. She simply handed me a dart with a deadpan expression.
Serious-senpai seemed to have composed herself after her outburst. She stood there with her arms crossed and a grave look on her face, appearing as though she were waiting for the momentous result of my throw.
??? spun the dartboard, and I let the dart fly. I was worried it wouldn't even stick, but it managed to land right on target.
"...Oh, look at that. It’s a lap pillow."
"Guh... So that’s how the chips fell. I see. If I look back at the very first Lovey-dovey Event in this story, the lap pillow during the barbecue would be it. As an introductory event to trigger with me, I suppose it’s quite fitting... In fact, doesn't this effectively raise me to the status of Main Heroine?"
"Don't be presumptuous."
"Gyah!?"
"S-Serious-senpai!?"
Serious-senpai had been striking a look of smug satisfaction, but a split second later, ??? used a screwdriver to drive her head-first into a spiked iron kenzan that had appeared out of nowhere on the floor.
It was a strike so brutal that a devil might have shown more mercy. Wait, those spikes were massive—did they just go through her head!? She’s dead! She has to be dead!
"...That really hurt."
"Usually, 'hurt' is the understatement of the century... and her wound is already gone."
Ignoring my frantic concern, Serious-senpai grumbled about the pain and pulled the kenzan off her own head. Blood had spurted the moment she removed it, but the wound closed in seconds, and even the stains on her face vanished into thin air.
Come to think of it, during our first meeting, she had regenerated shortly after being hacked into mincemeat by ??? as well.
"Gag logic is so unfair, isn't it? Well, regardless, I'll be going now."
Muttering in an exasperated tone, ??? vanished, leaving Serious-senpai and me alone in the room.
"...Well, I suppose there’s no arguing with fate. Hmm. Since we aren't in a Japanese-style room, the sofa will have to do. All right, Kaito, come here!"
"Eh? Oh, right, the lap pillow... The aftermath of that screwdriver was so jarring I almost forgot. Well then... e-excuse me."
The shock of the "Gag Correction" had momentarily wiped my memory, but the dart had indeed landed on the lap pillow event. I still didn't quite grasp how we’d arrived at this point, but since Serious-senpai was clearly ready, I followed her lead and rested my head on her thighs.
"Hmph. My lap pillow—the lap pillow of the Incarnation of Seriousness—must be exceptionally comfortable, wouldn't you say?"
"...Actually, yeah. It’s very comfortable. And is it just me, or do you smell a bit sweet?"
"Oh? Is the scent from when I turned into a confectionary before still lingering? My natural aroma should be serious..."
"Okay, but what exactly does 'serious' smell like?"
"I was just talking big; I have no idea myself."
Serious-senpai was wearing a school uniform with a skirt that fell to just below her knees. The fabric felt high-quality, soft, and pleasant against my skin. Between that and her warmth, it was genuinely relaxing. A faint, sugary fragrance drifted around us, adding to the comfort.
"Still, what a shame that the dart throw was such a miss, Kaito! I suppose your transcendent luck correction doesn't apply to extra chapters..."
"Wait, is a lap pillow considered a miss for a Lovey-dovey Event?"
"No, a lap pillow is a perfectly respectable Lovey-dovey Event. However, wasting a precious Lovey-dovey Flag on something you could have done anytime you wanted? That’s a catastrophic miss!"
"...Eh? Oh, I see. I guess you're right."
Wait, did I mishear that? It sounded like she just said, "I'd give you a lap pillow whenever you wanted if you'd just ask."
Seemingly oblivious to my confusion, Serious-senpai continued to beam with a triumphant, smug look.
"But that was all part of my master plan! Hahaha! Even though I claimed those were the only things I could think of when I wrote them down, every single one was a Lovey-dovey Event that could be performed instantly without needing a flag! The moment you were tricked into choosing from that list, your fate was sealed—you were going to waste that flag no matter what!"
"..."
Wait, if all twenty-five... no, thirty items on that list could be done without a flag, that was mind-blowing. It certainly justified her affection level being 96 million times the maximum.
In fact, if her standards were that low, did an event that actually required a Lovey-dovey Flag even exist with her?
"Fufufu, look at you, so shocked you can't even speak. This is what a high-level brain battle looks like for the Incarnation of Seriousness. Here, I'll even pat your head to comfort you."
"...Thanks. Um, can I ask you something?"
"What is it?"
"When it comes to you, Serious-senpai, what kind of Lovey-dovey Event would actually require a Lovey-dovey Flag to trigger?"
"There aren't any."
"Excuse me?"
"...So you've finally realized. Yes, the moment you decided to use a flag on me, you had already lost!"
Serious-senpai looked incredibly proud of herself... but she had essentially just admitted that she’d do whatever I wanted without hesitation. I didn't even know what to say.
She was truly a strange and mysterious person.
Serious-senpai: "Well, no matter how much of a protagonist you are, you were no match for me."
???: "...Wait, does she really think this counts as a victory? Isn't she just Completely Captured?"