Greetings!
I was the Galactic Ninja Kawagon, at your service! Nin-nin!
At that moment, I was running away with everything I had. My plan was to sneak onto a cargo ship bound for the Battle Dome and then use sheer willpower to enter the Galactic Empire. Once there, I intended to go into hiding at my parents’ house.
I didn't want this! I really didn't!
I had no desire to expand my territory any further. The thought of taking care of the Parcionians—who didn't seem to have the slightest concept of taking initiative—was exhausting.
The Ozenians were bad enough, but the Parcionians were on an entirely different level. Now that I thought about it, the Parcionians were like a concentrated, more difficult version of the Ozenians. I absolutely did not want to be responsible for them.
I figured if I stayed hidden inside a shipping container, they wouldn't find me. Kukuku, I had even chartered the ship bound for the Battle Dome myself.
The cargo manifest listed the contents as the [Movie Version Fa-Q-san: Mystery of the Married Woman Labyrinth Special Limited Edition Box]. In reality, the inside of that container had been converted into my private living quarters.
A futon! Video games! Victory!
The other containers were either dummies or filled with escape supplies like food, water, and spare clothes. The layout of the warehouse block was designed to be completely isolated from the crew; they didn't even know what they were transporting.
It was flawless! A total victory! There was no way anyone could stop me once I got serious about disappearing.
...Or so I thought.
"Found His Majesty, de-arimasu!"
"Nyan!"
"Why—?!"
I was discovered by One-oh-one in an instant.
"Hide-and-seek is so much fun, de-arimasu!"
"Gugh! Smoke ball!"
I shouted the name of the ninja tool while tossing a flare. "Farewell!" I made my break for it.
[Smoke detected. Fire alarm! Fire alarm!]
Ah...
In the end, Piggett and my Imperial Guard Knights came rushing in response to the alarm and caught me. I was scolded within an inch of my life. They even slapped me with a massive fine for damages... wait, that was my own company!
The insurance company was mine, too. I was basically the one paying the compensation to my own insurance company. Since the amount wasn't enough to actually hurt my finances, the whole situation was like an octopus devouring its own tentacles.
To the public, it was just another case of "The King is up to his usual antics." After all, the cargo they found was me.
Still, I made sure to pay a personal consolation gift to the cargo ship's crew. You have to understand—it’s this kind of meticulous attention to detail that helps one avoid an execution later on.
Anyway, One-oh-one had found me a mere hour after I started my escape. My pride as a Lepsitol Ninja was in tatters. I was done being a ninja!
"Honestly, managing to sneak onto a cargo ship in just an hour is actually quite impressive. Even special forces couldn't pull that off," Claire said with a sigh.
Meanwhile, One-oh-one had received a cardboard box full of sweets as her [UMA Kawagon Capture Award]. She was currently sharing them with Tatiana and Shiyun. She was such a good girl for sharing.
Even Lou-chan was delighted, having received a treat that featured several small chocolates in a ring-shaped package. One-oh-one was truly a saint for giving sweets to the little one and looking after the kids.
Because of that, I gave her a bonus. I dropped even more sweets on her!
"Fuoohhhhhhhhhhh!"
Kukuku, it was an Assorted Cheap Sweets set, including those hamburger-shaped gummies that made you wonder what the manufacturer was even thinking. As for the taste... well, why do those kinds of gummies always taste so strange?
"Honestly, Leo! You're far too soft on the younger girls!"
Since Claire was scolding me, I offered her a bribe. "Here we have some expensive shochu, the concentrate for that beer-flavored drink, and a Hygiene-Inspected Dried Squid Set."
"Well... I suppose it can't be helped then," she said, accepting the bribe with a smile. She was suddenly all sunshine and rainbows.
"Ahahaha! I bought her off!"
"And for Melissa-san, this." I handed her some coffee liqueur. When mixed with milk, it became a delightfully sweet Sake-sama. I also gave her some strawberry liquor and plum wine.
"Let's drink together!" she cheered.
We were fellow members of the sweet-tooth brigade. That was all we needed to understand one another.
"Lord Husband..."
"For Ren, who doesn't drink, a steak set!"
Ren beamed at the gift.
Then there was Rikochi. "And for you, the usual beer and dried snacks set."
"Hey, why is my gift so low-effort?"
"Because this is exactly what we used to have when we lived together in Lepsitol."
"I mean, you're right, but still!"
"Here, have some salami."
"Yay! ...Wait, that's not the point!"
Finally, I turned to Wifey. "Kukuku. And for Wifey, I have this!"
I presented it with a flourish: a handmade cake! Isono helped carry it over. The cake was topped with sparklers that crackled and glowed brilliantly.
"...Lord Groom," Wifey said, her expression turning dead serious.
"Yes?"
"...What is the meaning behind this cake?" There was a heavy pressure in her eyes.
"Oh, well, you know... I was thinking of gifting Lepsitol and Parcion-chan to the Galactic Empire?"
"Rejected."
"Gyabah!"
"I have no need for exclaves! Managing the planets in Proone is already a headache!"
"I guess that's a no, then..."
"Of course it's a no! I'll take the cake, though. Hmm... Lord Groom..."
"Why are you making such a scary face?"
"Your skills have improved. You could actually open a shop with this. Did Nina-san help you?"
"No, I did this one entirely on my own."
I had been learning confectionery techniques from Nina-san alongside Kevin in my spare time. The thing was... well, I was naturally a bit sloppy, so I usually failed whenever I tried to bake based on intuition.
When I admitted that, Isono and the other guys burst out laughing.
"The Floral Apron has finally awakened!"
"Don't call it the Floral Apron, you idiots!"
We were all laughing together as usual when a woman entered the dining hall. She was a stunning Latarnian, a real cool beauty.
"Polina, Latarnia Army Parcion Area Commander! I offer my greetings to Her Majesty the Galactic Empire Emperor and His Majesty the King of Chronos!" She snapped into a crisp salute.
"Oh, hey there. Want something to eat?" I asked.
"The floral... no, I mean... please excuse my rudeness!"
"See, Your Majesty? Even the newcomers are distracted by the floral pattern," Isono teased.
"It doesn't matter! This thing is practical! Anyway, Polina, what do you want to eat?"
"N-no... um..."
"Here, have a beer. Just grab a seat anywhere. Alright, everyone, today is a welcome party!"
"Lord Groom! Our conversation is not over!" Wifey barked.
"Eeeh, but what am I supposed to do with Parcion then?"
"I told you, do as you please!"
"But I don't want to do as I please!"
As we bickered, I heard Polina mutter to herself. "They're... they're holding a national summit with the vibe of a student club."
"Well, we've all been peers since our student days. The high-ranking researchers and civil officials are all our paisen, after all. Oh, Polina-san, would you like some cake?"
The reality was that our country functioned more like a venture capital startup.
In the corner of the usual drinking party, Raven-kun sat sipping his Japanese sake. He looked at Polina with an expression that seemed to say: Welcome. This is hell. Just give up.