One afternoon, while I was relaxing in my room and reading a magazine, a person suddenly dropped onto the sofa without any warning.
Honestly, even as I tell it, I'm still trying to wrap my head around it, but someone really did just materialize out of thin air and land on the cushions. I wondered if someone had used teleportation magic, though it felt like a rather bizarre way to arrive. As I stood up and approached the sofa, I found a woman wearing a sailor uniform clutching her side in pain.
"Ow, ow, ow... I hit my back. And why was it inside a room this time?"
"...Serious-senpai? Why are you suddenly in my room?"
The figure writhing in agony on my sofa was Serious-senpai—the self-proclaimed incarnation of seriousness. I'd met her several times before, and she looked remarkably like Shia-san.
In the beginning, I used to mix them up quite often. However, after meeting her so many times, I can finally tell the difference. Shia-san has a cool, sharp edge to her, while Serious-senpai feels a bit airheaded. She has a bright, energetic vibe that makes her easy to spot once you're used to her.
Anyway, setting that aside... why had she appeared on my sofa out of the blue?
"Eh? Kaito? Long time no see... So it's your room again, just like last year?"
"I thought this last time too, but you aren't doing this on purpose, are you?"
"Every year, when the door to my room opens, I'm just teleported automatically. And it usually ends up being near you... Wait. Does this mean I'm being drawn to you specifically, Kaito?"
"I don't have anything to do with that weird room you're supposed to live in."
"Oh, you do. You definitely do. You're the protag—ah, never mind. Anyway, it seems like whenever I leave the room, I end up near you. Let's make the most of it."
"Er, right..."
I didn't understand the most crucial part of what she was saying, but it seemed she was destined to show up by my side once a year. This woman was a total enigma—or maybe just impossible to figure out. It wasn't that she was a bad person, but...
"Well, for now... um... since I'm here, I might as well give you this. Consider it a souvenir?"
"A souvenir? Oh, thank you. What is it?"
"It's chocolate. I had it molded into these shapes after I underwent chocolateization."
"..."
Just what exactly does "underwent chocolateization" mean? Was this different from the time she mentioned becoming a white chocolate statue? This looked like regular chocolate, so did she transform into that now too? Or was "I melted chocolate" just a slip of the tongue?
"...Do you mean you melted chocolate to make this, Serious-senpai?"
"No, that dangerous god crushed my chocolateized body, and these are the remains. So it's not that I melted it; I'm the one who got melted."
"...I'll go with you, so let's just head to the hospital, okay?"
"I haven't lost my mind! I know it sounds crazy, but it's the truth! First I turn into sugar, then bean paste... I'm really going through a lot here!"
"No, based on everything you've said up until last year, you're less of an 'incarnation of seriousness' and more like an incarnation of sweets. You leak sugar and syrup, turn into statues, and get turned into chocolate..."
Wasn't this person supposed to be the concept of seriousness by design? I certainly haven't felt a shred of seriousness from her, past or present, but why would an incarnation of seriousness have the ability to turn her body into confectionery?
I hadn't heard the full story last year, and she claimed not to understand it herself, but it was likely the work of that dangerous god. If we were talking about a deity, I suppose they could pull off something that ridiculous.
"...Regardless of the circumstances, isn't it a bit twisted to give me chocolate made from your own body as a souvenir? I was already too terrified to eat the white chocolate from last year..."
"Stop hitting me with the punch of truth! Honestly, I don't think it's right either. But that crazy god prepared it and gave it to me, so I figured I had to pass it along..."
"I've said this several times, but for your own sake, Serious-senpai, I'm saying it again. That god is genuinely dangerous. You need to keep your distance."
"I'm telling you, it's not me. She's your associate!"
The look on Serious-senpai's face as she said that was truly unforgettable.
Serious-senpai: "Wait, you finally completely abbreviated the title!? And what do you mean, extending April Fools'!?"