Illness cleaned Kaito’s ears as he lay with his head resting in her lap. To Kaito, Illness appeared as composed as ever, leaving him feeling like the only one who was nervous.
This was partly due to his Sympathy Magic. Because he could read Illness’s emotions, he believed he would be able to sense if she were feeling any reciprocal agitation.
He wasn't wrong. In fact, Illness wasn't suppressing her magic power to block his magic, nor were her emotions fluctuating wildly.
However, whether she was "settled" did not necessarily mean she was "calm." At the moment, happiness was the overwhelming force within her, and the emotions Kaito perceived were defined by a profound sense of joy. Yet, sometimes a massive emotion can mask smaller ones.
(It really is a mysterious feeling. I should be perfectly happy giving Kaito-sama a lap pillow and cleaning his ears like this... but this strange restlessness is quite troublesome.)
Indeed, it was simply that her happiness was so immense it overshadowed the fact that Illness was actually quite shaken and nervous. Being wise, she understood her own state perfectly. And precisely because she understood it, she felt a sense of bewilderment.
(Perhaps this, too, is change. The way my heart pounds when Kaito-sama is this close... it feels different than before. As my affection for Kaito-sama grows, emotions I cannot suppress on my own have begun to emerge.)
As she gently and carefully tended to Kaito, Illness could certainly feel her heart racing. The magazine that had first inspired her to try an ear-cleaning session had focused on romantic advice—a genre she had never even considered until recently.
While she felt her heart steadily transforming, Illness seemed to find a certain enjoyment in that very transition.
(I thought I had lived for a long time, yet it seems there are still many things I don't know. I wonder what the person I used to be—the one Shaltier-sama once called "empty"—would think of me now?)
While lost in thought, she finished cleaning one ear, and Kaito shifted his head. Unlike before, he was now turned toward Illness, allowing her to see his face clearly. Just seeing his comfortable expression caused an infinite wellspring of happiness to rise from the depths of her soul.
Her heart was swirling with so many different feelings that she could now proudly declare that she was, at the very least, no longer empty.
However, life was a strange thing. By knowing more than ever before and having her world broaden, she found that there were now things harder to understand than they had been in the past.
For Illness, her own current feelings were exactly like that.
(It is quite a dilemma. I don't understand my own heart very well. Do I want Kaito-sama to notice this pounding in my chest, or do I not? I wonder which it is. It’s difficult. It isn't as if one is the right answer; I feel as though both desires coexist within me.)
She didn't want him to know, yet she yearned for him to see. While cradling this contradiction that somehow made perfect sense, Illness let out a smile of genuine happiness.
(But I have a feeling the answer will reveal itself soon enough if I stay by Kaito-sama's side. No... perhaps I already know the answer and am simply pretending not to notice. Thinking about it that way, I might be surprisingly cowardly... Kuhihi, perhaps it is a blessing to still be able to discover a new side of myself even after all these years...)
Despite her confusion over her evolving heart, Illness remained at peace. She accepted the changes within her with open arms.
Because this change, too, was a precious gift she had received from her beloved Kaito.
Serious-senpai: "..."
???: "Senpai? ...Hmm, no response. It seems she's just granulated sugar."
Serious-senpai: "...Wouldn't 'Sugar' have been fine there?"