Kaito placed a great deal of trust in Illness. Since the moment he had transitioned to this world, she had looked after him as his exclusive attendant, and that, combined with her serene disposition, had firmly established her in his mind as a gentle, mature woman.
It was because of this deep-seated trust that he felt a profound sense of security resting his head in her lap. Once she granted him permission to sleep, exhaustion claimed him almost instantly.
Though petite, Illness’s thighs possessed a comfortable, supple softness. As soon as Kaito closed his eyes, feeling her hand stroke his hair with maternal tenderness, his consciousness drifted away. Before long, the rhythmic sound of his peaceful breathing filled the quiet room.
Illness watched him, a soft smile playing on her lips as she returned to her own introspection.
(I cannot simply... keep averting my eyes from my own heart. Perhaps I should take this opportunity... to truly reflect. I loved Kaito-sama from the moment our eyes first met. Of that, I am certain. Even now, that feeling hasn't faded; it has only... deepened.)
Illness loved Kaito from the bottom of her soul. She could state that as an absolute, unwavering truth. To her, loving Kaito was as natural as existence itself—it was not the source of her recent turmoil.
However, examining the recent fluctuations and agitations in her heart revealed something else lurking beneath the surface.
(Perhaps it is because... the beginning was love. The sequence of events was likely... different from the norm. Yet, there is no use in lying to myself any longer. I have fallen in love with Kaito-sama. That is the true cause... of my wavering heart.)
Indeed, it was not that Illness had fallen in love with Kaito and then grown to love him; rather, she had loved him first, and then, as she came to know his inner self, she had truly fallen for him. Because the order was slightly different from ordinary romance, it had manifested as confusion.
(Love is... something given, while falling in love is... something sought. I see. The reason I felt I had become selfish of late is because... I have fallen in love and begun to want.)
When she analyzed it calmly, the answer settled firmly in her chest. At first, simply loving him had been sufficient. She had found contentment in unsparing devotion, believing that as long as he was happy, she didn't even need to be by his side.
But through their time together, she had come to realize that witnessing his happiness from afar wasn't enough. She wanted to share in it. This tea party was proof—she had discovered just how intoxicating it was to share a moment of bliss with the one she cherished most.
There was no going back. Illness already yearned for a future by his side, and she had finally admitted that desire to herself.
(Shaltier-sama identified my essence as devotion, and indeed, I never hesitate to serve him. It is a role I have inhabited for twenty thousand years; one might say... I am used to it. But today, I realized how poorly I handle wanting things. I am a novice at... seeking. My heart feels untethered, drifting in a way I cannot control.)
Caring for him was as natural as breathing. But expressing her own hopes and making demands of him caused her to spiral into overthinking. Her selfish request to stay with him after the tea party hadn't been a whim; she had agonized over it throughout the entire afternoon—perhaps even longer—before finally finding the courage to speak the words.
(Kaito-sama’s overwhelming kindness is... part of the problem. It makes me bold. Even when I tell myself I shouldn't be so greedy, I cannot stop the ignoble part of me from hoping that he will simply smile and accept me. It is... quite a dilemma.)
Smiling wryly at her own thoughts, Illness looked down at the man sleeping so peacefully in her lap, her expression overflowing with affection.
(The most troubling part is that, in truth... he has granted every single one of my wishes so far. It is a difficult path to navigate, yet finding joy in that very difficulty is... a mysterious thing.)
Illness leaned down, pressing a kiss as light as a feather to his cheek, and whispered into the stillness of the room.
"I am still so unaccustomed to falling in love... and I apologize for that. But please... wait for me just a little longer. Once I have properly reconciled my feelings, I will tell you everything. For now, I am a coward who can only speak while you sleep... but one day, I promise. Kaito-sama... I love you, with all my heart."
??? : "I see. So she's aware of her feelings but hasn't quite sorted them out. She's the logical type, so she probably won't move forward until she's satisfied with her own reasoning. Still, at this rate, it won't be long... wait, Senpai? Where'd she go? Machina, have you seen Serious-senpai?"
Machina: "She was delicious."
??? : "...I see. Well, she'll probably be back by the next chapter. So, what did she turn into this time?"
Machina: "Smooth bean paste!"
??? : "The whole body, or just the filling? Actually, the fact that she turned into bean paste at all is probably the weirdest part..."