It was a day with no particular plans. There hadn't been any specific catalyst; I just remember that I woke up feeling more refreshed than usual and got out of bed in high spirits.
I was in my room sipping tea after breakfast, wondering what I should do with my day, when a familiar figure suddenly appeared before me.
"Wait—what?! Indoors this time? I left that room only to end up in another one... Or is the exit point just random?"
"..."
For a split second, her appearance made me think it was Shia-san, but the bizarre energy of her voice told me otherwise. This was Senpai. Serious-senpai was a strange woman who looked identical to Shia-san and tended to pop up abruptly about once a year.
"...Why did you suddenly appear in my room, Senpai?"
"Whoa! Kaito? Is that you? Ah, so this is your room... Hmm. Well, I was planning to see you eventually anyway, so this saves me the trouble. It’s perfect."
"Your adaptability is terrifying..."
She didn't even bother answering my question. Based on her monologue, it seemed she’d ended up here after leaving that room whose door only opens once a year.
To be honest, my house has a barrier against teleportation, so she shouldn't have been able to just pop in... but Serious-senpai seemed to operate on a different set of physical laws. Trying to apply common sense was probably a waste of time. I’d heard there was some dangerous god in that room with her, too.
"Well, since you're here, would you like some tea?"
"Oh, thanks... You’ve got pretty high adaptability yourself, all things considered."
"I've grown used to sudden crises."
"I get that. Even if you don't want to, the experience just piles up until you can respond to anything with a straight face. I kind of hate that about myself."
"I understand that all too well."
It seemed Serious-senpai was also someone who frequently got dragged into trouble; there was a heavy weight of sincerity in her words. She was supposedly stuck in a room she could only leave once a year, yet somehow, all sorts of things happened inside it. The logic behind it was a rabbit hole I didn't want to fall down.
"Oh, right. Here, I brought a souvenir."
"Eh? Thank you for going to the trouble."
"Recently, there have been times when I’ve turned into a white chocolate statue. A dangerous god melted me down to use for fondue, but there was some chocolate left over, so I molded it back together and brought it over."
"......?"
I needed her to wait a second. There were so many things wrong with that sentence that I didn't know where to start. First of all... turning into a white chocolate statue? No, that doesn't happen! Just what has to go wrong in your life for you to turn into white chocolate?! I couldn't even begin to fathom the circumstances.
Even if I forced myself to accept that, there was the dangerous god’s behavior. They melted her down and ate her as fondue? That’s legitimately insane. And why was Senpai acting so nonchalant about it? Was it the influence of her Gag Correction ability?
And finally, the fact that she’d molded the leftover chocolate and brought it as a gift... If everything she said was true, didn't that mean she’d taken her own melted body, poured it into a mold, and brought it as a souvenir? How was I supposed to react to that?
"Oh, I also have some sugar and syrup that came out of my body. Do you want those too?"
"Senpai, can I ask you a question?"
"Yeah?"
"Why do you turn into chocolate? Or leak sugar and syrup? What kind of creature are you? I mean, setting aside the whole Incarnation of Seriousness title..."
"Who knows? To be honest, I don't really understand it myself."
"If you don't even know, there’s no hope for the rest of us!"
An Incarnation of Seriousness who turned into chocolate and produced sugar? From the sound of it, she was more like an Incarnation of Sugar.
"I-I see... You really have it rough, don't you?"
"It’s partly your fault, you know!"
"...How?"
"Every time you act all lovey-dovey, I’m the one who suffers for it! I’m not telling you to stop, but could you at least lower the frequency? Seriously."
"..."
What? Whenever I was romantic with someone, Serious-senpai started leaking sugar or turning into chocolate? I understood the situation even less than before. There shouldn't be any causal link between those two things.
"Wait... could it be that everything you’ve told me so far was just a joke?"
"I wish... it were a joke."
"Ah, so it’s real. Hmm. But what's the connection between my romantic life and your body changing?"
"Who knows? I haven't a clue."
"If you say that, I'm completely helpless..."
She really was an incomprehensible person. As I stood there exasperated, she sat down and placed a box of chocolates and a box of Japanese confectionery on the table.
I really hoped the sweets weren't made from things that came out of her body. If they were, the problem went way beyond them being hard to eat. I was definitely going to seal that chocolate in my Magic Box.
"Anyway, this is a once-a-year opportunity. I'd rather spend it doing something meaningful than talking about things we don't understand."
"I suppose you’re right. Please, make yourself at home. I’ll prepare some tea sweets."
"You're so kind... I love—Wait! Don't think you can conquer me just like that!"
One moment she looked deeply moved, and the next she was snapping at me. Yeah, this erratic emotional rollercoaster was pure Serious-senpai.
I’d met her several times now, so I was finally getting used to it. She had her quirks, but she wasn't a bad person.
"By the way, Senpai, aren't you going to do your Searching for Seriousness thing this time?"
"......I'll start tomorrow."
"You're not going to do it, are you?"
She’d be back in that room by tomorrow anyway. She always claimed to be searching for seriousness, but she usually just spent her time sightseeing. It was business as usual.
Serious-senpai (Affection Level MAX): "Hmph. After tea, I made him play games and hang out with me. I was merely indulging him, you understand? It doesn't mean I’ve been conquered. Also, look at this title... talk about a lack of motivation."
???: "Yeah, even I’m totally grossed out by the 'Eat Me (Physical)' thing. Your affection level is clearly through the roof."
Serious-senpai (Affection Level MAX): "Stop saying things that invite misunderstanding!"