Bad news.
It turned out that Lepsitolians just hated the thought of their p*nises being cut off; they were perfectly fine with crossdressing.
Now, as for the Lepsitolian women, they tended to wear makeup that was... questionable by Galactic Empire standards. I’m not sure what the look was exactly, but it involved thick, heavy lips, eyebrows arched at dramatic angles, and sharp, slanted eyes. Were they going for some kind of reptilian aesthetic?
The first major shift happened with Karen-san. That aggressive, heavy-handed makeup—the kind that looked more like facial reconstruction surgery—was gone, revealing a surprisingly youthful face beneath. It wasn't just that she was wearing less; her entire style had changed. I’d always assumed she was considerably older than us, but she might actually be around our age.
"Did you change your makeup?" I asked her during our meeting.
"Chronos culture has been trickling in," Karen-san replied. She looked refreshed. "Latarnian cosmetics are wonderful. They put so little strain on the skin."
It was a clean, simple look. Hmm. Apparently, there wasn't a snake hiding under that paint after all.
Looking at the crossdressing boys, I realized that as a whole, they were much more baby-faced than the Latarnians. They had cat-like features. Oh, that’s right—I recalled hearing somewhere that "Kawaii" anime designs were actually modeled after cats.
"It’s because 'Kawaii' has been rapidly imported from a certain someone’s country!" Karen-san added. She sounded a little miffed.
"That... well... you’ll just have to give up on that front," I said.
"As you know, Lepsitolian men are narcissists," she continued.
"Y-Yeah."
"This is what happens when you teach those attention-starved monsters that they’ll be praised as 'Kawaii' if they put on a dress!"
"Nobody could have predicted they’d go from choosing seppuku to becoming male daughters!" she wailed. "And the women are abandoning the hard-driving career path in favor of 'Kawaii' fashion... Just look at this!"
She showed me a photo of two girls—twins, by the look of them. One was dressed in white goth and the other in black goth. Wow. They were really leaning into the Gothic Lolita look. They were cute, especially the one in black. She looked exactly like a porcelain doll.
"They’re my cousins—a brother and sister," Karen-san said.
Wait, one of them was a guy?
"Oof... which one is the brother?"
"The one in the black goth outfit."
You’ve got to be kidding me.
"Um... that brother is way too much of a beautiful girl..."
"That’s exactly why I’m complaining! Who was it?! Who’s the one who said crossdressing is the ultimate masculine hobby because it’s something only men can do?!"
"That’s a classic joke that’s been floating around the Galactic Empire for centuries," I told her. "No one really knows where it started."
"Galactic Empire culture is far too potent a drug!" she shouted.
On top of that, since the Ninja Squad were all middle-aged men, I’d assumed at least none of them were crossdress—Wait, half of them did?! You’re telling me we don't even need female kunoichi anymore? You’ve got to be joking...
In any case, Saijo-kun was being treated like a total idol over there. To make matters worse, when we imported that former middle-aged man idol from Kevin’s side, he was met with fanatical enthusiasm. I suppose it wasn't all bad, but Chronos had effectively dismantled Lepsitolian society from the inside out.
I ended the communication with Karen-san and moved on to my daily task: calling out to Parcion. As per usual, they ignored me. Since there was no response, I cut the line.
I started writing the incident report... but decided to leave out the crossdressing part. It was a warrior's mercy; I wouldn't leave that stain on the historical record.
I settled on: "Lepsitol is cooperative," and "Parcion-kun is still completely ignoring us."
I called it a "report," but since the conversation logs were shared anyway, it didn't really matter what I wrote. Oh well. Work was over for the day.
I was starting to itch for some actual pilot work...
Thinking of food, I headed to the dining hall. I wondered what was on the menu. Oh, they finally got yakisoba noodles in stock! I decided to whip some up. The noodles looked pretty thick.
"You should put a fried egg on top..." Nakajima suggested, her eyes gleaming.
"Understood. If I'm doing a fried egg, do you want fish powder too?"
"I do!"
I was just about to start on the yakisoba when I realized One-oh-one was already there.
"...Want a snack?" I asked.
"I will eat, sir!" she chirped.
I was certain I’d bought some daifuku earlier—the edible kind, not the pet variety. Unfortunately, the daifuku I’d intended to save for later vanished into One-oh-one’s stomach in seconds.
Fine! I’ll just order more!
While the yakisoba was cooking, my friends began to filter in. Kevin and Nina-san joined us, having just started their lunch break.
"I'll help out~" Nina-san, our resident source of healing, offered. She started on some egg soup.
She was a wonder. Kevin pitched in too.
"Are you holding up okay, Kevin?" I asked.
"Well, I'm pulling double-duty as a nurse and a soldier..."
She was so capable that people tended to overwork her. She’d spent so much time on the battlefield treating people as a medic that her experience was on a completely different level from our other classmates. Reports hailing her as "exceptionally talented" landed on my desk constantly.
Once the yakisoba was ready, the others helped set the table. By then, the daifuku stock was officially zero. I sent a message to Ha-san's shop. They made and delivered Galactic Empire sweets, so I asked for all the daifuku they had, along with a massive haul of cookies and potato chips. She’d probably have them delivered later.
Ha-san had become a famous entrepreneur in Chronos, yet she lived a very modest life. She poured most of her energy into running orphanages. As a soldier and a green politician, that was a side of society I couldn't cover myself, so she was a massive help. Apparently, Tatiana, Shiyun, and One-oh-one were helping her out, too.
You guys are the best.
I even had ice cream for dessert!
As we were eating our yakisoba, a weary-looking Wifey arrived.
"I am so... very... tired..."
"Hang in there. Just a second."
I quickly put together a portion for her.
"Did something happen?"
"Umu. The corporations, scholars, and sports organizations won't stop pestering me about going to Lepsitol... I’ve been in meetings all day because I’m still worried about contamination."
"Everyone wants to strike it rich in a new land, I guess."
Saijo-kun had already made a killing. I was sure there would be plenty more following his lead. I bet there were tons of former basketball players and the like who wanted a fresh start.
"For now, let's stick to people with no criminal records. Lepsitol is still dealing with unemployment among the corporate yakuza, armored rikishi, and ninjas, so we can hire them as guards... I'll let Karen-san know."
"I’m counting on you... I want something sweet..."
I checked the fridge and found some potatoes.
"I'll make some candied sweet potato."
"I want some, sir!" One-oh-one’s eyes sparkled.
"Yes, yes. I’ll make enough for everyone. Go look after Wifey."
"Understood, sir!"
And so, we weathered the fierce onslaught of Lepsitol and Parcion.
...Just kidding. They basically destroyed themselves. Their whole system collapsed after a single poke.
Now for Parcion-kun. I wonder how I should go about breaking him?