While giving Kaito a lap pillow and stroking his hair, Illness allowed her thoughts to drift aimlessly.
(What could I be doing, I wonder? Perhaps I was... a little too forceful this time?)
It was a question she put to herself. The reason she found herself even asking such a thing was that, from the very start of the day, Illness had felt that her own mental state was somewhat unusual.
The initial spark had occurred while she was listening to Kaito talk about the Flying Board Tournament.
The news that Kaito had won and enjoyed the competition had filled her with a sense of happiness so profound it felt as if the success were her own. However, at that moment, a small thought had crossed her mind. She found herself wishing she could have seen Kaito’s valiant figure with her own eyes.
(The thought occurred to me... quite suddenly. That I, too... want to go somewhere with Kaito-sama. I was truly surprised by the depth of my own greed.)
Because Illness was typically entrusted with managing the mansion whenever Lilia was away, she had few opportunities to travel long distances alone with Kaito.
It wasn't that they had no such experiences at all, but they never had the chance to go somewhere that required staying overnight. Since Illness was not Kaito's lover, this was hardly unusual.
However, being able to understand something intellectually and accepting it in one's heart are two very different matters. She could not deny the desire blooming within her to travel far away with just the two of them.
(...It is a difficult matter. I am certain that even if I were to voice this desire, Kaito-sama would accept it kindly. He might even invite me to go somewhere together... That is precisely why it is so difficult to say. It is a strange thing; one feels the need to be reserved simply because the person they love is too kind.)
Just as Illness suspected, if she were to say she "wanted to go on a trip together," Kaito would likely have agreed without a second thought. Illness knew this—and because she knew it, the worry that she would be a burden took precedence, preventing her from speaking up.
Even so, the change in Illness’s state of mind was a milestone of legendary proportions. She was the Monster of Devotion. She was an entity who possessed a spirit that was, in a sense, abnormal—one that required no "self" and existed only for the sake of the selfless service she offered.
Yet, recently, she had gradually begun to experience thoughts like "I want to do something with Kaito." She was starting to desire a future where she existed alongside him.
"Kaito-sama... how are you feeling...?"
"Ah, well, it feels really good... so much so that I might get addicted to it."
"Kuhihi, is that so? I cannot tell if you mean the sleeping bath... or the lap pillow... but it is quite alright if you become addicted. I shall prepare them for you... whenever you wish."
Seeing Kaito lying comfortably on her lap made her heart feel warm. The thought that they were sharing this time together brought a strange, numbing sensation to the depths of her chest.
(I am so happy. To see Kaito-sama looking so comfortable, and to be able to watch him from so close... but more than that, I am hopelessly glad that he feels this way because of my actions. To know that my actions can make Kaito-sama happy... that is true happiness, isn't it?)
To put it in extreme terms, if one were to ask if support was truly necessary for him to use the baths in the relaxation room, she would have to tilt her head in doubt. At most, she could help him wash; she was well aware that everything else had been slightly forced.
However, her desire to do something for Kaito had been that strong.
(Considering the time spent bathing, I should probably suggest we get out in about five minutes. Though I feel it is a bit of a waste, Kaito-sama’s health comes first. After that, I should prepare drinks in the rest room and have him spend a little time relaxing there.)
While mapping out her plans for the immediate future, Illness touched Kaito’s head again and stroked it gently, savoring this moment of bliss.
Serious-senpai: "Wh-What... N-No way... F-For things to go like—"