“Good morning, Megu-chan! You’re up early.”
“Good morning, Shiho-chan. …A-choo!”
We were in the living room. I offered a reply to Shiho-chan, who was lounging on the sofa watching TV, and punctuated it with a sneeze.
“So? Tell me! How was last night?”
“Huh?”
“With Big Brother! You guys slept in the same bed, didn't you?”
Shiho-chan was leaning in, her eyes sparkling with excitement as she rose from the sofa and inched toward me.
“...Ah—”
I averted my eyes.
How exactly was I supposed to explain this?
I knew I wouldn't be able to dodge the question entirely, but I took a moment to consider if there was any way to fudge the details. After all, if I told her the truth about what had happened last night, she would probably give Yamamoto an earful.
What Yamamoto had done last night...
First, he had ignored me and hogged the single bed for himself.
Then, he had fallen fast asleep before I could even settle in.
And then... after I had finally summoned every ounce of my courage...
My irritation flared.
“Listen, Shiho-chan. Your brother is honestly the worst.”
It was a beautiful, clear day outside, but my grumbling was a dark cloud that didn't suit the weather at all.
“He fell asleep before I even had a chance last night,” I complained, my voice heavy with petty resentment. “I mean, I know how he is. I get that’s just how he lives his life, but still.”
No matter how much I vented, no matter how much I complained, the frustration wouldn't lift.
“I already knew he didn't look at me as a woman, but...”
Seriously. He could at least show a little awareness.
He was always like this. No matter how I tried to provoke him, he acted like it was none of his business. Every time I gathered my courage, it ended in a wasted effort. He never, ever gave me what I wanted.
...Could it be?
Could it be that he actually hated me?
“...Megu-chan?”
“Huh?”
“Ah, well... you just had a really scary look on your face.”
“...What kind of look?”
Shiho-chan gave me a troubled, apologetic smile. Was I really looking that awful?
But maybe it was unavoidable. I’d just had a dream—a memory of Yamamoto from high school. I called it a memory, but it wasn't the kind of thing you could look back on with fondness. For him, it might be an event he didn't even want to remember.
That was all we had, though. Those were the only things connecting us from our high school days. Even though we had spent all three years in the same class, our relationship had been incredibly shallow.
Back then, I had hated him for no reason. My very presence might have been why he and Akari broke up. Sure, he was sheltering me now, but that was just out of necessity. He was doing it to keep up appearances; it wouldn't be strange at all if he secretly despised me. In fact, it would be perfectly natural.
“...I'm an idiot for getting my hopes up all by myself.”
“M-Megu-chan?”
“I’m sorry, Shiho-chan.”
“Eh?”
“...I'm sorry.”
I wasn't entirely sure what I was apologizing for. I tried to think about it, but the mere thought made my chest tighten so painfully that I had to shake my head and drop onto the sofa.
Shiho-chan looked stunned for a moment, then sat down beside me as I hung my head.
“B-Big Brother is sure sleeping in late, isn't he?!”
She forced a bright tone into her voice. It was embarrassing to realize I was making a girl this young worry about me.
“...He was out like a light.”
“I-I see. That’s a surprise! He was always such an early riser when he lived here. Does he usually sleep this late at your place?”
“No. Usually, he’s been up for hours by this time.”
“Oh, really?”
Come to think of it, what was wrong with him today? Normally, he’d go on about the importance of routine and insist on following whatever rules he set for himself.
As I was wondering about that, the living room door creaked open.
“Yaaaawn...”
It was Yamamoto. He stumbled into the room, yawning and looking half-dead with sleep. I immediately turned my face away from him.
“Big Brother, you’re up really late today!”
“Hm? Oh, yeah. I guess I am.”
His voice was thick and groggy. I kept my gaze averted. Shiho-chan looked back and forth between us, her expression full of confusion.
“I-I’ll go make breakfast!”
“Sure. Thanks.”
Rubbing his eyes, Yamamoto sank into the sofa and thanked her. Shiho-chan scurried off toward the kitchen, her slippers pitter-pattering on the floor.
Silence fell between us.
I knew I should say something. I didn't want Shiho-chan to feel any more awkward than she already did. But I felt like the moment I opened my mouth, I’d end up asking him what he really thought of me.
And if I did that... and if he said...
'What do I think of you? I don't even need to say it. I hate you, obviously.'
If he said that...
No. No, no. Not him. He wouldn't...
That’s right. Yamamoto was the one who took me in that day. He was the one who rescued me from that man. He wouldn't say that.
But...
“Hayashi.”
I flinched. He had called my name so suddenly, so abruptly.
What should I do? I was terrified. I was so scared of being rejected.
“Thanks for yesterday.”
Gratitude. That’s what he offered.
“It was nothing,” I replied, my voice trembling despite my efforts to sound casual. “I was just returning the favor for everything you’ve done.”
“...I completely oversleeping today.”
“You certainly did.”
“It’s because of you, Hayashi.”
“...”
“It’s because you came with me to my parents' house. To be honest, I was a little anxious about coming back here.”
...What was he saying?
“But since you were here, I managed to get through it.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Yamamoto was still rubbing his sleepy eyes as he spoke. I see. Because he was still half-asleep, he was speaking without his usual contrarian filter. He was being honest.
Was this really how he felt?
“I’m glad I could introduce you to my family.”
“...Why?” My voice was still shaking. “Why do you feel that way?”
“Because you’re my family.”
...Oh.
He’d said that to me once before, hadn't he?
Family.
...Family, huh.
“I see.”
I see. I see...
Family.
“...Hey, Yamamoto?”
I felt a wave of relief wash over me. Yet, for some reason, my voice was still trembling. I kept my eyes fixed on the floorboards.
“I might... want to be more than just family with you, you know?”
It was a sudden, impulsive confession. Back when he’d first called me family, I had pressed him the same way. I was overwhelmed by the exact same emotion now as I was then.
That was why I said it. I reached out to him, wanting more than just the bond of relatives.
Someone once called me “The Queen,” but there was nothing regal about my behavior right now. Even in this moment, I was a coward. I phrased it in such a non-committal, roundabout way.
But... surely, if it was Yamamoto... he would give me an answer.
“Hey, Yamamoto?”
I finally looked up.
“Zzz...”
He was asleep again. He looked incredibly peaceful as he drifted off.
“Breakfast is—hey! Big Brother is sleeping again?!”
“Shiho-chan.”
“Yeah?”
“I’m going to eat his portion too.”
“Ah, okay!”
Shiho-chan’s breakfast was delicious.
A few hours later, I was being swayed by the rhythm of the train as Yamamoto and I headed back toward Tokyo.
“Hey, Hayashi. Are you in a bad mood or something?”
“Not at all.”
I spent the entire train ride giving him the cold shoulder.