“Hey, Yamamoto-kun?”
This happened shortly before I headed home.
Kasahara, whom I was carrying on my back, smiled softly and intertwined her arms around my neck.
It was a midsummer night. Despite the heat making sweat bead on my forehead, the rise in body temperature from her clinging to me wasn't exactly unpleasant. If anything, it felt right.
“Do you know what I’m thinking about right now?”
Her question was far too vague for me to even guess.
She likely wasn't going to say a word about the last train. Even if she did have it in mind to let me stay at her place, and even if I correctly called her out on it, she probably wouldn't admit it. She’d just dodge the question and deny it, claiming she hadn’t even considered the idea.
“Sorry my back isn't more comfortable.”
“It’s not uncomfortable at all. In fact, you’ve gotten a bit bigger since high school.”
“I stopped lifting weights, so I can’t imagine why.”
“Did you get fat?”
“Ah... well, Hayashi’s cooking is just that good.”
“Ahaha. So you’re being tamed quite nicely, then.”
I’d started trying to take walks whenever I woke up early, but I suppose that wasn't enough to offset her meals.
The only other time I had ever carried her like this was back in high school, when I took her home after she sprained her ankle during physical education. Back then, I was at the peak of my gym rat phase, so my back was undoubtedly broader than it was now.
“Maybe it just feels that way because it’s been a while,” I offered.
Kasahara rested her head against the back of mine.
For some time now, her body had been pressing closer and closer against me. I wasn't letting myself get any "ideas." Probably.
“That’s because you never gave me piggyback rides in high school.”
“Wait, are you seriously passing the buck to me?”
“I am~.”
“...Did you want me to carry you more often back then?”
“...Hmm. I wonder.”
Whether she was being serious or not, that was a bit of a cruel response.
I felt a slight pang of dejection.
Then, I realized something.
Talking with her like this—feeling happy, laughing, getting poked at. Our current relationship was different from how it had been in the past, yet it didn't feel like the core of our connection had undergone a massive shift.
If anything... I felt like I could be much more natural around her now.
To the point where I felt this time together was almost irreplaceable.
I wondered if she would notice if I slowed my pace just a little.
The last train was already gone. It shouldn't really matter how long it took me to get home at this point.
That was the thing. The last train.
Kasahara had been making me conscious of its absence for a while now. What was her angle? Was she just curious? Knowing her, that was entirely possible; she always did enjoy making suggestive remarks.
But... what if?
What if that was her way of giving me an excuse to stay the night?
If that was the case, then I...
“Hey, Kasahara?”
“Hey, Yamamoto-kun?”
Our voices overlapped as we called out to each other.
After a brief silence, we both shared a small smile.
“You go first,” I said.
“No, you go~.”
Kasahara poked my cheek. Since my hands were occupied, I had no way to counter-attack. Even if I did, I wouldn't have.
“...Then, how about we say it together?”
“...Alright.”
We both took a breath.
The thing I wanted to say right here, right now—it was about what came next. The reality of having missed the last train. I wanted to tell her what I intended to do.
Somehow, I had a feeling that she was about to say the exact same thing.
“I’m walking home.”
“You’re walking home today, aren’t you?”
I knew it.
Finding the situation ridiculous, I let out a laugh, keeping my voice low enough not to disturb the quiet residential area.
“You’re the one who made me miss the train, and yet you say that?”
“You were thinking the exact same thing. Besides...”
“It’s because you’re worried about Hayashi, right?”
“Yeah.”
“You really do love her, don't you?”
Even for someone like me, who rarely felt petty toward others, I was almost a little jealous of their bond.
“...Right now, you’re the only one who can support Megu.”
I hadn't told Kasahara yet that Hayashi had managed to reconcile with the parents who had disowned her. It was all thanks to the opening Kasahara had provided.
“You really don't get enough credit,” I muttered.
Kasahara was going to great lengths for Hayashi’s sake, yet for some reason, things were still awkward between them. I felt a surge of sympathy for how her efforts seemed to go unrewarded.
“It’s not like I’m unrewarded. I actually feel pretty fulfilled right now, you know?”
“Still...”
“I don't have any regrets.”
Kasahara smiled. There wasn't a hint of a lie in that cheerful voice.
“If you’re satisfied, then it would be boorish of me to say anything more.”
“Exactly. I like that straightforward side of you, Yamamoto-kun.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
We continued to enjoy our conversation after that, keeping our voices hushed as we walked through the neighborhood. Eventually, we reached Kasahara’s apartment and said our goodbyes.
I had visited her place once before with Hayashi. Back then, we’d walked from my room to hers after stopping at a supermarket. It took about thirty minutes.
It wasn't an impossible distance to walk. It certainly wasn't a distance that prevented me from going home.
And yet, why had it felt so hard to take that first step away?
Perhaps, deep down in my heart, I really had wanted to stay at Kasahara’s place and be alone with her.
Of course, I would never tell a soul that as long as I lived. I intended to take that secret to my grave.
After a thirty-minute trek, I finally reached my building.
I wondered if Hayashi—my roommate—was already asleep.
The lights were on in the room, but it was well past the time she usually went to bed.
“I’m home,” I said in a quiet voice.
I stepped softly into the living room. Hayashi was still awake.
“...Sorry. Were you waiting up for me?”
She was lying on the bed clutching a pillow, staring vacantly at the TV. On closer inspection, the pillow she was holding was actually mine. Was she half-asleep?
“Man, that was a total pain. I went through hell because of you today.”
Thinking back, this whole ordeal had started because Hayashi had held my cleaning supplies hostage. I figured I was entitled to a little grumbling.
“From now on, please don't use those kinds of cruel threats, okay?”
I peeled off my socks and tossed them into the washing machine. Then I headed back toward the living room to grab my pajamas, intending to take a shower.
“...Hayashi?”
Halfway across the room, I noticed something odd. My roommate hadn't uttered a single word.
Her eyes were open. Her hands were fidgeting with the pillow every now and then. But when I tried to peer at her face, she buried it deep into the cushion.
She was clearly awake. So why was she ignoring me?
“I’m sorry about today...” she finally muttered, her voice muffled by the pillow.
I heard words I never would have expected from the Hayashi I knew in high school.
“There’s no need to apologize. You did it for my sake, didn't you?”
“...Idiot.”
“Huh?”
“Why didn't you come home sooner...?”
“Wait, what?”
She pivoted from an apology to a complaint in a heartbeat. I let out a confused noise despite myself.
“Why did you have to go to a mixer? You should have come home earlier. Don’t make me worry like that...”
“Whoa, okay, I’m sorry...”
“Why are you apologizing, you big dummy...?”
“Then what do you want me to do...?”
For a good while after that, I found myself stuck in the living room, trying to comfort a strangely dejected Hayashi.