The night I returned home, I ended up staying over at my family's house for the first time in ages.
"It’s so dusty."
My old room, vacant for nearly half a year, was thick with dust. I realized then that I could never, under any circumstances, let Yamamoto set foot in here. If he saw this, he’d probably throw a fit and refuse to leave until every surface was gleaming. I was currently a freelancer, so I didn't have a schedule to keep, but he had his studies to think about. It would be a disaster if he missed his classes.
"Thank you for the bath."
Yamamoto's voice drifted up from the first floor. He had stayed at the hospital until late helping care for my father. Now, with my mother’s permission, he was staying the night.
I could hear the sound of them chatting happily downstairs. He had his quirks, certainly, but he wasn't exactly socially inept. My mother’s voice sounded genuinely cheerful as she tossed words back and forth with him.
I hesitated at the top of the stairs, unsure if I should join them. To be honest, I felt awkward.
It wasn't because of my mother; it was because of him. Lately, I’d been acting so strange. Ever since I’d become aware of these hidden feelings of mine, I hadn't been able to even look him in the eye.
This was a first for me. Truly, the nickname "The Queen" felt like a cruel joke now.
I considered just going to sleep, but as I lay down on the bed, I remembered I hadn't bathed yet. I decided to creep down to the first-floor bathroom as quietly as possible.
The door separating the living room and the hallway slid open with a rattling sound.
"Oh. Hayashi."
"Hyaa!"
In my own home, I let out a pathetic squeak. My face burned. I couldn't meet his gaze. Of all the times for him to step out into the hall, it had to be now.
"...What's up?"
"I was just... going to take a bath."
"I see. I already finished. Sorry about that."
"It's fine. Don't worry about it."
"...Right. Well, I think I'll turn in soon."
"S-So early?"
"Yeah. Since I'm here, I’d like to take a walk around the neighborhood tomorrow."
"...I see."
I wanted to go on that walk with him. But I held the words back, worried that if I asked, I’d sound like a child begging for a treat. Besides, Yamamoto was a blunt instrument when it came to anything that didn't require tact. There was a good chance he’d just tell me no. If he rejected me, it would be devastating. I might even end up losing my temper.
"You want to come along?"
"...Eh?"
It was an invitation I hadn't dared to hope for. I never expected it to come from him. I wanted to go—that was my honest truth.
...But.
"I-I'm okay."
"Oh, really?"
I couldn't help it. Going for a walk alone with this guy... the sheer happiness might actually kill me. I’d die on the spot. I really wondered how we’d managed to live in the same apartment until now.
Even though I’d been trying not to think about it, the memories came flooding back. What was I going to do from now on?
I sat alone in the bathtub—which was much wider than the one in Yamamoto’s apartment—and pondered my future. Would I return to Yamamoto’s place? Or would I stay here at my parents' house?
Yamamoto had told me that what mattered wasn't his will, but mine. Honestly, I...
Wait. Come to think of it, why did Yamamoto ask me to return to my family home in the first place? He’d said earlier that it was because the timing was right, but for some reason, I felt like there was something more to it.
After getting out of the bath, I made my way to the kitchen. I’d soaked in the hot water too long and wanted some cold barley tea.
"Oh."
"Ah, Mom..."
My mother was in the kitchen, glued to her tablet. She was watching one of those "satisfying" revenge videos. The fast-paced narration sounded strangely familiar.
"Got a hobby there, I see," I remarked.
"You watch these too?"
"All the time."
"I thought so. They’re great, aren't they? They make you realize there really are such foolish people in the world."
"I totally get that."
Speaking of which...
"Now that I think about it, Yamamoto always looks a bit disgusted when he sees these videos."
"He does, does he?"
"Yeah. He looks disgusted when he’s studying, too. Or during those programs where they just play funny internet videos and have a bunch of panelists react to them. The only time he ever looks happy is when he’s cleaning."
"He likes cleaning? That’s rare these days."
"It's not that he likes it. It’s an obsession. He buys every cleaning tool he lays eyes on, then writes these massive reviews for them. No matter how good the product is, he’ll find some flaw and never give it more than four stars. He calls it 'expectations for the future.' Honestly, it’s a little off-putting."
"Pfft, what is that? That’s hilarious."
For a while, we bonded over the topic of Yamamoto’s eccentricities.
"You certainly observe Yamamoto-kun closely, don't you?"
"T-That’s because when you live together, you see it whether you want to or not!"
"...I suppose so. If you’re living together."
My mother had a thoughtful look on her face as the video ended.
"What time did Yamamoto-kun say he was leaving tomorrow?"
"...Eh?"
I looked down and shook my head. "I don't know."
"I see. ...So, what are you going to do?"
"About what?"
"Are you staying here? Or going back there?"
I fell silent.
Normally, considering my father’s condition and our long estrangement, I should probably stay at my parents' house.
"...Well, it’s a bit inconvenient to get to the city center from here," Mom said. "But this is where you grew up. You don't have to worry about food or rent, and I’m here. ...And your father is here, too."
...But. But, I...
"I'm sorry. But I want to be where Yamamoto is."
"...I see."
My mother was smiling. "You love him, don't you? Yamamoto-kun."
"I-I don't w-wub him!"
My face turned beet red. Seeing me so flustered, my mother began to laugh joyfully.
"...Isn't that a wonderful encounter? Treasure it. People like him don't come around often. Someone who could get along with that tsundere father of yours right from the start."
"Wait, did they actually get along?"
"That was the best possible communication, wasn't it?"
"Is that what he likes? That man."
"...He’s a blunt person, but you know? The thing that makes him happiest is hearing people praise you."
"...Is that true?"
"Yes."
"...I see."
I hadn't known that at all. It made me realize that I hadn't tried to understand my father at all. I felt a wave of guilt. After everything I’d done, I was trying to leave my parents again.
But even so, I still wanted to be with Yamamoto.
"It seems your mind is made up."
"...Yeah. I'm sorry."
"It's fine. It's a normal thing, leaving your parents' side. In fact, it would be more of a problem if you stayed here forever. Someday, a person has to take responsibility for their own life. For you, that time is now."
"...Yeah."
"Well, I’m fine with it, but what about him? You two are still just friends, right?"
"Ugh... D-Don't poke where it hurts."
It was true that our relationship status was a source of anxiety. But Yamamoto had told me before that the most important thing was my feelings. If it was him, I was sure...
"Well, at any rate, I’m glad you seem energetic. And that we were able to reunite like this."
"...Yeah."
"Yes. ...It really was the right choice to consult Akari-chan."
"...Eh?"
"You two have been close for so long. ...Megumi?"
At the mention of Akari’s name, a dark emotion stirred within me. My mother had consulted Akari about me? And around that same time, Yamamoto had asked me to return home?
Wasn't the timing a little too perfect?
No, I didn't know for sure. Just as Yamamoto had said, he had been telling me to return to my parents' house since the day we reunited. The timing could have been a coincidence.
...But I couldn't stop thinking about it. I didn't want to remember, but I couldn't forget the fact that the two of them used to date.
Could it be that they had started dating again? I knew all too well how close they were just by listening to them talk. If they had resumed their relationship, then I was undoubtedly a nuisance.
Was the whole plan to get me back to my parents' house just a way to kick me out? Was I not allowed to be in that apartment anymore?
I knew Yamamoto hadn't said anything like that. Whether Akari and Yamamoto were working together was entirely my own speculation. But I couldn't help but think it. Honestly, since when had I become this jealous?
I didn't sleep a wink that night.
Last night, I told my mother I would return to Yamamoto’s place. But even now, I still hadn't told Yamamoto. I was terrified of being rejected. Even without any proof, the fear paralyzed me.
Yamamoto started packing about thirty minutes ago. He’d eaten lunch, chatted congenially with my mother, and even asked her for a ride to the station. Now he was getting ready at a leisurely pace.
There wasn't a moment to lose. And yet, I couldn't say it. I was so scared I couldn't bring it up.
"Thank you for everything these past two days."
"It was nothing. Please come again soon."
"I will."
In the end, I stayed silent. I didn't even go to see him off; I just stayed curled up on my bed.
I was such an idiot. Yamamoto hadn't even said anything to me. The idea that he and Akari were dating again was just my own delusion. And yet, I was about to let my relationship with him end over nothing.
"Hayashi."
Yamamoto walked into my room. He was probably here to say a final goodbye. He said nothing at first. We had lived together for a month; there were so many complicated feelings that the words probably didn't come easily.
I heard him take a long, deep breath.
"We're going back," he said.
I waited for the words of parting, but—
"Eh?"
"We're going back. You've seen your parents; how long are you planning to stay curled up there?"
"...Is it okay if I go back?"
I sat up and looked at him. It felt like it had been an eternity since I’d looked him in the face like this.
"Of course. That place is your home, too."
What was this feeling? It was painful, and yet I was so incredibly happy.
"Is it really okay?"
"Hah?"
"Is it okay for me to come back?"
"Don't be stupid." Yamamoto’s sharp tone made me tense up for a second. "Has there ever been a single time I told you that you weren't allowed to come back to that room?"
The tension immediately melted away. Honestly...
"No. Never."
"Right?"
"Yeah. ...Yeah!"
I stood up. I was going back to Yamamoto’s room. I couldn't just sit around; I had to get ready right away or we’d miss the train.
"...Yamamoto?"
I realized then that we were alone in my bedroom. In a private space. Yamamoto was acting a bit strange.
"...Hayashi, sorry. Can we push the trip back a day?"
"Eh?"
What was he planning? Not here... of all places, this was my parents' house! He wanted to stay another night for...?
"I want to clean this room before we leave."
"Forget it, we're leaving."
I grabbed Yamamoto by the scruff of the neck and forcibly dragged him out of the room. He was still throwing a tantrum as we headed for the door.