Inside the car driven by Hayashi’s mother, the two of them spoke incessantly. It was a reunion between parent and child after a long separation. Under normal circumstances, one would expect a cheerful exchange, but the conversation I overheard was nothing but grim.
The discussion centered almost exclusively on Hayashi’s father.
Before we had even climbed into the car, a single sentence uttered by her mother at the front door had instantly shattered any atmosphere of a moving reunion.
“It’s lung cancer.”
As we drove, Hayashi’s mother explained his condition, and it didn't sound good.
“It’s ironic, really. That man quit smoking the very day he found out I was pregnant with you. He said it was bad for the mother.”
“……Father.”
“Well, I’m sure his years of overworking finally caught up with him. He was so dedicated to his job. I don't need to tell you this, but he was incredibly strict with others, wasn't he? But he was even harder on himself.”
Personally, I’ve always thought that being strict with others is just a reflection of how strict a person is with themselves.
Usually, people grow to hate those who are hard on them. Only someone prepared to be hated can truly be demanding of others. It takes a specific kind of resolve to be that way.
“Well, he was certainly resented by plenty of people. But he always said it was for the sake of his family, and he made department manager faster than any of his peers. A lot of people relied on him, too. You probably didn't know he collapsed from overwork three times, did you? Now, don’t go thinking it’s some heartwarming tale. For my part, I just wanted him to give it a rest. It’s exhausting, both mentally and physically. …But that man would never listen to a single thing I asked. Come to think of it.”
“……Yeah.”
“If there was one wish of mine he actually granted… it was probably his desire for you to lead a happy life. That was about it.”
“……I see.”
Hayashi’s response was hollow. Guilt was likely crushing the life out of her.
Listening to the story this far, I felt as though I’d gained a glimpse into the kind of person Hayashi’s father was. I wondered how much I could really know about a man from just a few minutes of conversation, yet I felt certain of it.
……They were identical.
He loathed anything crooked.
He lived for the sake of others.
Even if no one praised him for it, and even if it meant earning his daughter’s resentment, he remained unyielding in his convictions.
……Truly, after listening for only a few minutes, I was struck by the realization that Hayashi’s father was exactly like her.
If that was the case, I could more or less understand the whole business regarding her being disowned.
He’d likely just said it in the heat of the moment. Because his daughter kept acting out and saying selfish things, he had lost his temper and let the words slip in a fit of rage. And then he regretted it.
But then his pride wouldn't let him back down, and by the time he cooled off, the damage was done.
It was likely the exact same situation Hayashi was in right now.
Hayashi was probably experiencing the greatest regret of her life.
Why didn't I try to face my father? She was undoubtedly thinking something along those lines.
Only after being driven into a corner did Hayashi realize her true feelings for her father.
How could I be so sure?
I just was.
After all, we had lived together for an entire month.
The talk about her father continued for a while longer, leaving a suffocatingly heavy atmosphere in the car.
As an outsider, I had no right to interrupt their conversation, so I stayed silent. Even if I had spoken up, I didn't have the confidence to change the mood.
“……Hayashi.”
However, even if I had no right to interject, and even if I couldn't change the atmosphere, I found myself speaking anyway.
“Your father is an amazing person.”
“……You’re right.”
I had said something similar to Hayashi once before.
It was back on the day we reunited for the first time since high school graduation, the night I first took her into my room.
Despite having been beaten, she was still wholeheartedly considering returning to her ex-lover’s house. At that time, I had told her:
“Being able to live for the sake of others is a truly wonderful thing. Really.”
Hayashi spoke.
I was sure that the resentment she held toward her father had vanished by now.
“I just wanted a little time for us both to calm down.”
Thinking back, I remembered those words she told me on that first day I sheltered her.
Hayashi.
It seems the ones who really needed a cooling-off period wasn't you and your ex-lover, but you and your father.