I came home to an empty apartment; Hayashi was still at her part-time job. I’d let Kasahara’s request fire me up, returning home with a sense of resolve, only to find the girl herself missing. The anti-climax drained my momentum almost instantly.
A note in her elegant script was stuck to the refrigerator.
"I’ll be home late today, so go ahead and eat without me. I put your dinner in the fridge."
I scratched my head as I finished reading.
They say there’s no time like the present, but if you don’t act on an impulse the moment it strikes, your motivation withers. Usually, that leads to a half-baked result. I was feeling that reality acutely right now.
In the silent room, I sat alone, reheating and eating the meat and potato stew she’d prepared for me. It occurred to me that it had been a long time since I’d eaten dinner without her.
A thought suddenly surfaced.
If Hayashi actually went back to her parents’ house, would I go back to eating every meal here by myself?
The idea left me feeling a little lonely. But then, I realized almost immediately that our current situation was what was actually abnormal.
Our relationship up to this point had been incredibly distorted.
Back in high school, we hadn't been close at all. If anything, I suspected she’d actually disliked me quite a bit.
But then university started, and I ran into her again at the convenience store. I found out she was a victim of domestic violence. I saved her.
Everything since then had been a series of stopgap measures, an attempt to claw our way out of a disaster. It made sense that we were charging ahead in such an unstable state.
Maybe this was the right time to end it.
Honestly, things hadn't turned out half-bad. I’d managed to bond with someone I’d been on bad terms with in high school to the point where I considered her a one-of-a-kind friend. And for the past month, she’d taken care of me in so many ways.
If I kept sheltering her in this room indefinitely, what would I even be expecting from her?
She really should go back to her parents.
...And yet.
"In other words, a self-centered guy like me is asking for your opinion instead of just giving my own."
I’d said that to her just the other day. I told her I wanted her to stay.
The fact that I’d phrased it so awkwardly was simply because I was a fundamentally self-centered person.
Hayashi had been visibly depressed then. I still didn’t know why, and right now, I wasn't trying to solve that particular mystery. At the time, I’d told her in a roundabout way that I wanted her to stay in this apartment.
I’ve never been good at lying. If a man like me went to such lengths to be vague... it was because I genuinely wanted her to stay.
"Do you think... I really should leave?"
When she’d asked me that, I’d felt no urge to agree with her. It had felt so natural. So obvious. I truly believed she belonged here.
Why? Was it because she had nowhere else to go? Because she’d be out on the streets if she left?
That was part of it, certainly. A big part. But I couldn't shake the feeling that there was more to it than just that.
I didn't know. Even though they were my own feelings, I didn't understand them.
"Hmm..."
I’d never had many friends. I’d always solved my own problems. I never really relied on my parents; they weren't the type to interfere, nor were they the type to listen seriously to my worries.
So, I handled everything alone. Sometimes I was right, sometimes I was wrong, but regardless of the outcome, I’d always put everything I had into finding a resolution. And yet, looking at the problem in front of me now, I didn't feel like I could solve it on my own.
I remembered telling Hayashi—back when she was still reeling from the abuse—that she should rely on others when she needed help. It was uncharacteristic of me.
If that was the case, then maybe I should also... No, that wasn't right.
Whether Hayashi stayed in this room or left it... my own feelings couldn't be allowed to interfere with that choice. The decision belonged to her, not me.
My only responsibility toward her was to give her a choice, now that her heart was finally starting to heal.
Her future had been violently slammed shut once before. Because of her ex-lover, the countless paths that should have been open to her had vanished.
There were so many futures she could have had.
A future where she was surrounded by friends at university. A future where she worked at a top-tier company as a successful career woman. A future where she got married, had children, and lived happily with a husband.
It wasn't as if those futures were gone forever. But for a while, they really had been. Every one of them had nearly been stolen by a man whose name and face I didn't even know.
I was a complete outsider to whatever happened between Hayashi and her ex. I wasn't going to scream insults at him or vent my rage. I certainly wasn't going to hunt him down.
But I knew one thing for certain: I never wanted to be a man like him.
That was the one thing I was sure of.
So, as her roommate, I—
Wait, did a future where I have a happy married life exist for me, too? Why am I already assuming that's off the table for me?