As the second-period lectures wrapped up, I made my way toward the cafeteria alone. The other students in my major left the hall in high spirits, chatting away in their little groups. True to form, my university days were passing by with very few friends to speak of. I didn't mind, though. In university, where group activities aren't as forced as they were in high school, I’d actually started to find being alone more comfortable.
It was exactly lunchtime, and the cafeteria was swarming with people. At this rate, even finding an empty seat would be a struggle.
It couldn't be helped. I didn't have any lectures scheduled for the third period, so I decided to head to the library to kill time until the rush died down.
The library.
In that space with its distinct, paper-heavy scent, I decided to browse for a while. Back in middle school, I’d been obsessed with self-help books, but after reading a few, I realized they all said more or less the same thing. I eventually lost interest and stopped. I didn't really read novels, either. It took a significant amount of time to finish a single volume, and since I always had so many things I wanted to do, I struggled to commit that much time to finishing one.
...Maybe I should just leave.
The thought crossed my mind, but I reconsidered, figuring the cafeteria was likely still packed. I resigned myself to staying and pulled out my smartphone.
I spent my time exclusively browsing articles on cleaning techniques. We live in a great era; with just a smartphone, you can easily look up convenient cleaning supplies and effective methods.
Oh, this looks perfect.
I immediately opened a shopping site and hit the purchase button.
...And then, I felt a twinge of regret.
It wasn't that I regretted buying the gear itself. It was just that not too long ago, I’d impulsively bought other cleaning supplies, and I’d been thoroughly scolded by Hayashi when she received the package for me.
"What do you even need this for?"
"Didn't you buy something like this before?"
Of course, I wasn't the type to just take that lying down.
I would explain, with excruciating detail, exactly how this tool was used and why it was different from the other one... but in the end, Hayashi had never once accepted my logic.
Even though I was only wasting my own money, I didn't feel any irritation toward her for rebuking me, despite it being none of her business.
After all, she was going out of her way to get angry at me—risking my resentment—out of genuine concern for my finances. She knew that if things went south, she’d be the one left out on the streets, yet she still chose to get angry for my sake. I couldn't possibly complain to someone that good. If I did, I’d be no better than that ex-boyfriend of hers I was always disparaging in my head.
However, considering I couldn't stop my impulsive shopping even while thinking all this... I really was a weak-willed man.
I could still cancel the order now. But the fact that I had no intention of doing so meant I was probably beyond saving.
"Well, it'll be over once I get scolded."
In fact, I was already trying to hide behind that "invincible" logic. I’m honestly beyond saving. It’s a joke. Well, not a very funny one.
By the time I finished browsing for cleaning gear, the lunch break had passed.
Thinking it was about time to eat, I stood up and headed for the dining hall.
Once in the cafeteria, I ordered the Karaage Set Meal and scanned the now-thinned-out room. I walked straight toward the area that looked the least popular.
"It's dry and not very tasty..."
The cafeteria’s fried chicken set. When I first started university, I’d been grateful for it and ate it often. But ever since Hayashi started living with me and cooking my meals, I’d realized the food here really wasn't anything special.
At this rate, I might be tempted to beg Hayashi to make me a bento. However, I didn't want to increase her burden with something like that, so I decided I’d just have to settle for the cafeteria food. Or so I thought.
The automatic doors opened, and a group of four girls walked in. Their voices echoed through the cafeteria, which had grown relatively quiet now that the third period had started.
"Oh, Yamamoto-kun."
One of them called out to me.
When I looked up to see who it was, I saw the person I currently found most awkward to deal with. It was Kasahara.
"...Kasahara, huh. You doing well?"
"Yeah. This is the first time we've actually talked at school, isn't it?"
"...I guess so."
It was just as I’d suspected before; in the six months we’d been at the same university, I’d spotted her on campus more than a few times. The only reason we hadn't had a single proper conversation until today was simply because I’d found it too awkward.
If possible, I’d wanted to spend all four years of university without ever speaking to her, but that dream had just been shattered.
"Akari-chan, who's that?"
"Oh, him? He’s my boyfriend."
"Ex-boyfriend."
She had a terrible habit of phrasing things specifically to tease me. Even now, she was clearly just waiting for me to provide the retort.
"...Heh, when were you two dating?"
"Back in high school."
"Hmm. So, is he single now?"
"...Well, I wonder."
"...Uh."
"I’m Yamagiwa."
"Wait, why are you using a fake name, Yamamoto-kun?"
What did she mean "why"? It’s scary to give your real name to strangers. Not in this digital age. You never know who might misuse your personal information. I’m a man with high net literacy.
Unfortunately, the pseudonym I’d thrown out was exposed before I could even try to sell the lie.
"...Sorry. Could you guys go on ahead?"
Kasahara suddenly dismissed her friends and sat down in the seat across from me.
"Got it. ...See you later, then. You too, Yamamoto-kun."
Kasahara's friends left the cafeteria.
Sitting opposite me, Kasahara rested her chin on her hand and watched me with a lingering, playful smile.