The station platform on my way home from school. I stood there, scrolling through my phone while I waited for a girl. I let the trains pass me by; looking back, I think I was remarkably devoted to her back then.
"Sorry. I kept you waiting."
"Yeah."
The person I was waiting for was Akari Kasahara. Ever since that day I ran into her after she had been rejected by Sekine-senpai, our strange relationship had persisted into our third year. Even so, I had put up a fair amount of resistance in the beginning. I'd spend more time at the gym or arrive at the station at the absolute last second before the train departed—that kind of thing.
Asking for her contact info was actually part of that resistance. I often tried to get her to head home without me, telling her I was so fired up for my workout that it would take forever.
However, our relationship endured even after we moved up a grade. No matter how many times I messaged her to go ahead, she’d just send back a thumbs-up sticker and wait at the station anyway. Ultimately, I was the one who folded, deciding it was too dangerous to leave a girl alone at a station late at night. And so, the routine continued.
I honestly couldn't fathom what she found so comfortable about the time we spent together. I lost count of how many times I wondered that to myself, and I can't even remember how many times I asked her directly.
"Don't you have better things to do than wait for someone like me?" I asked. "Like studying."
The fact that it came out so cynically was entirely due to my own warped personality.
Usually, when I said things like that, girls would get fed up. They’d either get angry at my bluntness, sulk, or start crying.
But Kasahara never got fed up, or angry, or tearful.
She just laughed, looking genuinely happy.
"Then how about we study together next time?"
"No thanks. That’s inefficient."
By the time we reached our third year, I had stopped asking her those cynical questions. Unfortunately, my sarcasm didn't work on her; if anything, she’d just launch a counter-attack. I simply couldn't win.
And so, we continued.
Autumn passed, then winter, and then spring. For all that time, we always went home together.
Strangely enough, despite all the time we spent together on the way home, we never exchanged a single word at school, nor even during the morning commute. We only occasionally ended up on the same train in the morning, but we were in the same class at school; there should have been plenty of opportunities to talk.
At the time, I didn't particularly feel like I needed to talk to her during school hours. But considering how frankly she spoke to me on the platform and in the train, it did feel a little odd.
Then again... perhaps it was because we only had that thirty-minute window each day to weave our relationship that I didn't push her away. Maybe that’s why I kept up our routine for so long.
I wonder when it happened.
When did I—the guy who spent the early days trying everything to avoid her—start looking forward to those moments?
Fifteen minutes at the shortest; thirty at the longest. That window of time, which didn't even amount to one-forty-eighth of the day, had become something precious to me before I even realized it.
Feelings of wanting our relationship to move forward began to sprout.
But whenever I allowed myself to think like that, my twisted personality would invariably trip me up. I didn't hate being the way I was; if I did, I wouldn't have kept living this way. Yet, in those moments, I truly did find my own nature to be a nuisance.
Part of it was also simple cowardice.
Above all else, she was popular with the guys. She was in high demand. I didn't think an unremarkable guy like me had any right to monopolize her.
Besides, our relationship back then was comfortable. I’ve always been someone who hates stagnation, but for once, I felt like things were fine just the way they were.
It happened after school on a certain summer day.
At my high school, preparations for the School Festival began immediately after summer vacation, with the event taking place after a month of work. On a day still thick with the lingering summer heat, we were sweating profusely as we worked on the preparations.
Kasahara and I had been selected as our class’s School Festival Executive Committee Members. Instead of helping with the class's specific attraction, we were busy handling the administrative side of the festival.
By some cruel twist of fate, I had been named the School Festival Executive Committee Chairman. It was all because a foolish teacher who didn't understand my personality had leaked to the underclassmen that I’d taken 1st Place in the Grade on the final exams. I was essentially hoisted into the position.
For someone who hated group activities, being the chairman was a constant struggle.
The only reason I managed to get everything done without a hitch was because of the other diligent committee members and Kasahara's support.
I think it was around then that my personality started to become a bit more human.
And then came that afternoon.
Kasahara approached me while I was buried in festival work as usual.
"Hey, Yamamoto-kun. Want to go home together today?"
"What? We always go home together."
"Oh, right. Ahaha."
Kasahara laughed. I couldn't take my eyes off her smile.
"...That’s not what I meant. Let’s walk home together from school for a change."
Even though our schedules often aligned because of the committee work, we still followed the unspoken rule of meeting at the station platform.
"Is that okay? You're not going with Hayashi and the others?"
"Yeah. Their prep is at a critical stage right now, so our schedules don't really match."
"I see."
After that brief exchange, once we saw off the rest of the class and the other committee members, the two of us headed home directly from the school gates.
"Good work today."
"You too. It’s tough being the Chairman, huh?"
"Tell me about it. Seriously, that bastard... I'm going to make him pay for this."
"Ahaha. You're badmouthing Mr. Kakogawa again."
Ever since the day I was forced into the role, I vented to Kasahara about the teacher who had set me up whenever I had a spare moment.
"It looks like the festival is going to turn out okay, though."
"It better, or I’m in trouble. The responsibility alone is going to give me an ulcer."
"Was your mental state always that fragile?"
"Yeah. I’m fighting a losing battle against anxiety every single day."
"...Well, good job today."
Kasahara gave me a wry smile.
"In that case, as a reward for the hardworking Chairman, why don't we stop by a convenience store?"
"...Fine. Sure."
This was the first time I’d ever walked home with her directly from school.
If it had been anyone else, I probably would have turned them down. Back then, my own time was my most precious possession.
"Ah, the AC feels great."
"Right? Want to get some ice cream?"
"Now you're talking."
"Yay. My treat."
"I'll pass on that."
"Ehh..."
Watching her shoulders slump from behind, I walked toward the freezer aisle.
I wanted to be on equal footing with her. I hated the idea of that balance being tipped by someone owing the other a favor.
We bought our ice cream separately and ate it on the way to the station.
"...Do you do this often?" I asked.
"Hmm?"
"Stop for snacks with Hayashi or the others."
"...Ah. No, not really."
"I see."
"Yeah. ...I only did it because I was with you, Yamamoto-kun."
"...Is that so?"
I couldn't bring myself to look at her as she gave me a triumphant smile.
She was always making suggestive remarks like that. It made me want to tell her to stop, because for a split second, I’d start to read into it. I’d start to wonder if maybe, just maybe, I wasn't jumping to conclusions.
...But no, that was impossible.
Given how popular she was, even our current relationship was more than I deserved. Wanting anything more would just be presumptuous.
I usually hated the status quo.
But back then, I was a coward. I was desperately trying to keep things exactly where they were.
"Hey, Yamamoto-kun?"
She must have seen right through me.
"...You know, I got confessed to."
Kasahara had read me like a book.
"A boy from a younger grade. He told me he's liked me for a long time. It really caught me off guard."
"...And?"
My voice was definitely trembling.
I think she was waiting for my reaction.
"How did you answer him?"
"...How do you think?"
Kasahara smiled at me enchantingly.