It all started with Alice’s suggestion.
"Kaito-san, want to try 'Playing Hero'?"
"……Huh? Sorry, I’m not sure I follow. Playing Hero?"
My immediate mental image was of kids swinging wooden swords at each other, but knowing her, that probably wasn’t it.
"Well, the idea just kind of popped into my head, but I thought I'd let you experience what it’s like to be a Hero. Defeating the Demon King as the legendary champion—it’s a sort of roleplay game, I guess."
"So you mean, instead of just playing the role of a Hero like Mitsunaga-kun, I’d gather comrades and go on a journey like Noin-san? Something like that?"
"Exactly! We’ll skip the boring travel bits, of course, but I’ve prepared all sorts of things so you can really get into character."
"……I suppose I am a little interested."
In short, I was going to pretend to be the protagonist of a game. Normally, this would just be a simple game of make-believe, but since Alice was the one behind the preparations, I could expect a high level of quality. It sounded like it could be fun, almost like an amusement park attraction.
"Oh, then let's get started right away!"
"Eh? Right now?"
"Yes. First, we begin with your summoning as the Hero."
"……Wait, summoning?"
Alice’s voice was bright and cheerful, but I felt an ominous chill at her words. Before I could process it, a magic circle erupted beneath my feet, and my vision was swallowed by a flash of light.
When the light faded, I found myself in an unfamiliar place—no, wait. It was extremely familiar. It was the Sanctuary.
"Welcome, Hero Kaito. I am Shallow Vernal, the God who has summoned you to this world."
"……Heh? Ah, yes."
Wait, the game has already started? For that matter, Shiro-san is participating too? This is one incredibly lavish production for a game of make-believe.
"From this moment forth, you shall set out on a journey to subjugate the Demon King."
"Understood."
The development felt a bit rushed, but since it was just a game after all, I decided not to overthink it and simply nodded along.
"As a parting gift for your journey, I shall grant you: 'God's Sword (Attack Power 9999)', 'God's Armor (Defense Power 9999)', 'Shield of Automatic Defense', 'Helmet of Attack Magic Reflection', 'Shoes of Automatic Recovery', 'Bracelet of Experience Points Doubling', 'Ring of Status Ailment Nullification', '999 Full Recovery Potions', '999 Resurrection Potions', and a 'Bag of Infinite Storage'. Furthermore, I shall provide '10,000 Platinum Coins' for your initial funds."
"……"
The starting support is way too overpowered! This is literally end-game gear, isn't it? And she gave me an absurd amount of money, but with this equipment, there’s nothing left to buy!
After receiving the ridiculously luxurious gear and mountains of items from Shiro-san—who was playing the role of the Goddess—I was forcibly teleported to a location designated as the "Town of Beginnings," where I was told to gather my party.
"By the way, following Noin-san's journey as a reference, you can have up to three comrades. However, Alice-chan will be participating as the Thief. It's better for me to be nearby to explain things as we go."
"Y-Yeah…… I get it."
"And to keep things moving, the other two party members are already here."
This is a very efficient quest. Though, with Alice already in the party, it feels like our combat power is already at its limit. I wonder who the others are?
If we're using Noin-san’s party as a template, then besides Alice as the Thief, we’d need a Warrior like Laguna-san and a Sage or Mage like Falce-san.
"First up is…… Warrior Noin."
"I look forward to our journey."
"……"
The actual Hero turned up! As if things weren't already out of control, the situation just became even more chaotic. Half of the party is now made up of members from the original Hero’s group.
"And finally, Mage Isis."
"……I’ll do…… my best."
"……"
Wait, do I even need to be here? With the First Hero and two of the Six Kings, isn't the game basically over? For that matter, who is the Demon King they're supposed to be fighting? Unless it’s someone on Kuro's level, I don’t think they’d stand a chance against this lineup.
[Warrior Noin, Mage Isis, and Thief Alice joined the party.]
"……What are these floating letters in the air?"
"That’s a Message Window. It’s for dramatic effect."
"……I-I see…… right."
This is weird. I’m supposed to be the Hero, but I already feel like I’m being completely left behind.
"Now that the party is gathered, let's head off to defeat the Demon King! By the way, we're skipping the entire journey and moving straight to the battle with the Four Heavenly Kings."
"……U-Understood."
I’ve learned from experience that in situations like this, it’s best to just go with the flow. The scene shifted instantly, and we were standing in a stone fortress.
"……You have done well to reach this place. I am one of the Four Heavenly Kings, Shia of Calamity!"
"……What on earth are you doing, Shia-san?"
"……It was Shallow Vernal-sama's command. I have no right to refuse."
"G-Good luck with that."
The first of the Four Heavenly Kings was, inexplicably, Shia-san. I mean, she has a Great Scythe and she’s wearing a black robe, so I guess she looks the part. But it was painfully obvious she was doing this against her will. Anyway, this was our first battle. Even though it was just a game, I wondered how we were supposed to fight.
As I pondered that, the Message Window appeared before me.
[Shia of Calamity appeared.] [Thief Alice's pre-emptive attack. Alice readied her knife and created clones.] [Alice's '980-hit attack'.] [Shia took 9999 x 980 damage.]
"Gwaaaaah!?"
[Shia was defeated.]
Shia-saaaan! Shia-san was ruthlessly shredded by Alice! Wait, are we doing actual combat? That wasn't a "defeated" expression—she looked like she’d been put through a meat grinder!
"Whew, that Heavenly King sure was a tough one. Well, we can't spend too much time on Shia-san, so let's move on to the next!"
"……Alice, are you actually a devil?"
'You have done well to make it this far, Hero. I am one of the Four Heavenly Kings, Phoenix the Undying Bird! Can you hope to defeat my immortal form? Come! Attack me! I declare that I shall not dodge a single blow!'
"……"
The second Heavenly King was Phoenix, a woman notorious for being a total masochist. Even as she challenged us, she spread her wings of fire and struck a pose of total readiness to take a hit. She was practically begging us to hurt her; I could feel the depth of her twisted fetishes just by looking at her.
[Phoenix the Undying Bird appeared.] [Warrior Noin's attack. Noin released a sharp Iai slash.] [Phoenix took 9999 damage.]
'Nwaaaaah! What a wonderful strike! But it’s not enough! Attack me more fiercely! I want to be skewered by a thick, heavy spear! That’s my favorite!'
[Phoenix is filled with ecstasy.]
……I hate this perverted bird. And to make things worse, she’s immortal. An immortal masochist is truly the most exhausting kind of enemy.
While I was processing my annoyance, Isis-san silently raised her hand, causing massive pillars of ice to erupt around Phoenix.
'Oh! Now those are some thick ice pillars…… thick…… Wait? This arrangement? This magic formula? Ah—'
[Mage Isis's attack. Isis activated the Great Sealing Formula.]
'……Not the thick sealing formula! It's filling me up—stooooop!?'
[Phoenix was sealed.]
Watching the frozen Phoenix as her scream echoed, a hollow feeling welled up in my heart. They say war is empty, but I suspect what I’m feeling is something else entirely.
Feeling strangely dejected, we moved on from the second Heavenly King to the third. By the time we reached her, I was staring into the void with a look of total resignation.
[Tiamat of Sorrow appeared.] [Tiamat is waiting for your attack.]
"Fighting is a sorrowful thing…… but conflict is an inescapable reality of this world. In that case, I shall take it all upon myself! I shall receive all that sorrow! Now, unleash your rage and your grief upon me!"
……Why is it that every time we defeat one masochist, another one appears? Who picked the Four Heavenly Kings? I have a really bad feeling about this. The fourth one isn't going to be who I think it is, right?
[Before anyone noticed, Tiamat had been defeated.]
Finally, we reached the cave where the last of the Heavenly Kings waited. For some reason—and it made no sense to me—I was told I couldn't bring my party into the final cave and had to face it alone.
It didn't seem fair, but since I hadn't actually done anything during the battles so far, I reluctantly agreed and walked down the single path of the cave. Soon, I reached the deepest chamber, and my shoulders slumped.
"You have done well to make it this far, Hero. But tell me…… can you hope to achieve victory without your comrades against me? Against the final of the Four Heavenly Kings, Pandora of Madness?"
"……"
With those words, the woman looked at me with bloodshot eyes, drool dripping from her mouth. It was exactly who I expected. Stop it. Stop with the masochist Heavenly Kings. For that matter, three out of the four are Phantasm King's Subordinates, aren't they? There truly isn't a single sane person among the Phantasm King's staff. My head started to ache.
Serious-senpai: "……The main story is all sweet romance, while the extras are just gag reels…… I hate this. I want some actual serious drama."
???: "By the way, your character design was posted in the Activity Report."
Serious-senpai: "Seriously!? It’s here! Finally, my time has come! If I have a character design, that means I’ll finally appear in Volume 6, right!?"
???: "Nope."
Serious-senpai: "……Eh? Wait, hang on. Every character who has had their design revealed so far has appeared at least once in either the color plates or the illustrations of the next volume, right?"
???: "They did."
Serious-senpai: "……I-I don’t even need a color plate. Just an illustration in the book……"
???: "You don't get one."
Serious-senpai: "……D-Damn it! So I’m just a tiny little drawing under the dust jacket again!?"
???: "Oh? You aren't getting a drawing under the jacket either."
Serious-senpai: "THEN WHERE AM I SUPPOSED TO BE!?"