The eve of Valentine’s Day had arrived, and a restless, festive mood had swept through the capital. The Ducal House of Albert was no exception. Since the head of the house, Lilia, was particularly flustered, a certain rosy, romantic tension seemed to permeate every corner of the estate.
Illness was walking through the hallways with her usual composed grace when the sound of voices from the kitchen made her pause.
"Lili, why? You’re brilliant. Your memory is second to none. So how could you have forgotten everything I taught you last year?"
"I... I am so sorry."
Guided by the voices, Illness peered inside. Lilia stood with her shoulders slumped before a cutting board that had been snapped clean in two. A few feet away, Sieglinde was clutching her head in her hands.
Illness was a consummate maid and had known both women for a long time. Sensing the situation immediately from the debris and the weary dialogue, she stepped into the kitchen.
"Are the two of you... making chocolates together?" Illness asked, her voice slow and leisurely.
"Illness?" Lilia gasped.
"Illness-sama?" Sieglinde added, turning toward her.
"It seems things... aren't going quite as planned," Illness noted.
"Ugh..." Lilia let out a pained sound, a sheepish look crossing her face.
Illness gave a soft, knowing smile. "If you would like... shall I offer my assistance? Sieglinde, you have your own chocolates to prepare, do you not?"
"I—I would appreciate that more than I can say, but... are you sure, Illness-sama? I don't mean to doubt your skill, but Lili is a formidable student. And not in a good way."
"It will be fine," Illness replied.
Sensing that Illness truly intended to take over as the instructor, Sieglinde’s expression shifted to one of immense relief, though she still felt a twinge of guilt. Last year, she had spent an agonizing amount of time trying to guide Lilia through the basics of cooking, a field where the Duchess was notoriously catastrophic. With her own workload being much heavier this year, Sieglinde was desperate for the help, even if she felt bad about passing such a burden to Illness.
Illness remained unruffled. She turned a gentle gaze toward the house head. "Is that acceptable to you... Milady?"
"Y-Yes, please! I look forward to your guidance."
"Understood. Well then... let us begin."
Once Lilia gave her consent, Illness moved to the sink to wash her hands. She quickly cleared away the shattered cutting board and began the lesson.
"Now, Milady... first, let us visualize the goal. What kind of chocolate do you intend to make?"
"Visualize? Um... something that would make Kaito-san happy."
"I see. A gift for Kaito-sama. In that case... it seems Kaito-sama prefers the natural sweetness of fruit over the heavy, dairy-based sweetness of things like fresh cream."
"Fruit... I see..."
Lilia’s expression turned intense as she began to process the information. She was not a dull woman; on the contrary, she was a genius. While her brilliance usually vanished the moment she panicked, she was more than capable when she had a clear objective to focus on.
"Adding whole fruit might make the chocolates too large. Perhaps a sauce inside would be better? As for the variety... Kaito-san likes Ripples, but their flavor is delicate. It might get lost against the chocolate."
"That is a fair assessment. It would be possible to balance it... but it is a difficult task for a beginner."
"Then it’s too risky for me. What else could I use? Ah, Illness! What about the Crackberries you used in that cake the other day?"
"An excellent choice. A tart berry sauce would provide the perfect accent to the chocolate."
The vision was set: bite-sized chocolates filled with a tangy berry sauce. It was a simple design, but the flavor profile was sophisticated and, most importantly, it was a task Lilia could reasonably achieve.
Watching the interaction, Sieglinde pulled out a small notepad and scribbled: Step one: Define a direction and let Lili reach the conclusion herself.
"In that case, I won't be needing these ingredients," Lilia said, setting aside various items.
"I will clear them away for you," Illness offered.
"Thank you. You're a lifesaver."
One of the main reasons Sieglinde had been struggling was Lilia’s tendency to bring in nonsensical ingredients like meat and fish. Now that Lilia had a clear image of the final product, she was able to distinguish between what was necessary and what was not.
"Next... let us crush the chocolate."
"Right! Oh—but, um... my strength control..."
"Milady... you are capable of shattering the earth with a sword, are you not? Yet you do not destroy the ground every time you strike a monster."
"N-No, of course not."
"Then let us apply that same logic. Imagine the chocolate has the density... of a Gray Wool Rabbit. Strike accordingly."
"Understood... A Gray Wool Rabbit... A Gray Wool Rabbit..."
Taking the advice to heart, Lilia gripped the kitchen knife as if it were a hilt. She swung it with terrifying speed—a velocity that looked capable of bisecting the kitchen floor—yet the blade stopped perfectly. The cutting board remained pristine, while the chocolate was reduced to a fine, even powder.
Sieglinde quietly added to her notes: Step two: When Lili uses a knife, have her treat it as a sword.
"Thank you so much, Illness! I actually finished it!"
"Truly, Illness-sama is incredible... I’ve learned quite a bit just watching you," Sieglinde added with a look of genuine admiration.
"It was nothing. If I was able to be of service... that is all that matters."
Under Illness’s guidance, Lilia had successfully completed her Valentine’s gift in record time. It was a testament to Illness’s deep understanding of Lilia’s personality and her ability to manipulate the Duchess’s combat instincts into domestic skills.
Lilia bowed her head in deep gratitude.
"Well then... I shall take my leave."
"Ah, right. Wait, Illness—are you not going to make any chocolate for yourself?"
"I will not," Illness replied simply, then turned and left the kitchen.
"Oh? Is something the matter, Eta? Theta?"
Illness was walking down the hallway again when she found the red-haired twins looking distressed.
"Illness-sama... the truth is..."
"I see. Your work schedule is too full, and you have no time to prepare chocolates for Kaito-sama?"
"Yes..." they answered in unison.
"Then I shall take over your duties for the day. Go and prepare your gifts."
"What? No, we couldn't! That would be a burden on you, Illness-sama!"
"It’s quite alright," Illness insisted, her tone as steady as ever. "You are both diligent workers. This is not a matter of wanting to slack off, is it? This is a special, once-a-year occasion. Please, prioritize your feelings today."
"Illness-sama... thank you so much! We won't forget this!"
"Truly, truly... thank you."
The twins bowed deeply and turned toward the kitchen, but they paused for a moment.
"Illness-sama... are you not making any chocolate?"
"I am not making any."
And she didn't stop with the twins.
"Anima, you look troubled. What is on your mind?"
"Illness-dono... actually, I’ve been flooded with letters from nobles wanting to send Master chocolate. Master wouldn't want them, but I’m struggling to find a way to decline them without causing a diplomatic incident..."
"I see. I can provide you with several templates for formal refusals that are both polite and firm."
"That would be an immense help! But... are you sure you have the time? Your own work..."
"I have it under control. It is no trouble."
She spent time advising Anima, and later, she ran into Lunamaria.
"Illness-sama... how can I possibly stop my mother from meddling in everything?"
"You cannot simply reject her outright. You must offer a compromise. For instance..."
She spent the afternoon resolving one crisis after another, acting as the invisible pillar supporting the mansion’s staff.
"I see. Thank you, that actually makes sense. By the way, Illness-sama... are you giving Kaito-san any chocolate?"
"I am not."
Regardless of who asked, her answer remained the same. She was not making any, and she was not giving any.
The day had turned to night, and the mansion was silent. Illness walked through the dark corridors, her movements as fluid as they were during the day, though she now moved with absolute silence.
She stopped before a specific door and performed a deep, respectful bow.
Without knocking, she produced a key from her pocket, unlocked the door, and slipped inside.
Faint moonlight spilled into the room, illuminating Kaito as he slept peacefully. Illness watched him for a moment, a small smile playing on her lips, before stepping closer to adjust his blanket.
She gazed at his sleeping face with profound, heart-wrenching adoration. Tucking a lock of her hair behind her ear, she leaned down and pressed her lips against his cheek for a fleeting second.
"I adore you... now and always."
She whispered the words into the quiet room, her voice heavy with emotion. She remained there for a while, watching him sleep, before placing a neatly wrapped package on his bedside table and disappearing back into the night.
In the morning, Kaito woke to find the package waiting for him. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and picked it up.
"It’s light. No name on it, either... what is this?"
He wasn't worried; he knew that if there were any danger, Alice would have intervened. He unwrapped the paper to find a beautifully hand-knitted muffler and a small message card.
Happy Valentine’s Day. May you always find a reason to smile.
The message was simple and incredibly kind. He turned the card over and saw a name written in modest, elegant script: Illness.
Serious-senpai: "Wow. Her heroine power is off the charts."
???: "To think she’d become such a fantastic character. I bet even the author didn't expect this much growth when she was first introduced."
Serious-senpai: "But wait... I see what she did. She technically didn't make any chocolate, and she didn't give him any."
???: "Exactly. She found the perfect loophole."