Shiro-san’s amusement park. I had expected it to be unconventional, of course, but a jet coaster that traveled at ten times the speed of sound for over ten minutes? That was a bit beyond my imagination.
I couldn't see the scenery at all. In fact, given the discrepancy between its external size and the actual ride time, we might have slipped into a special space somewhere along the way.
Whether it was thanks to Shiro-san’s Blessing or because Alice had intervened, the physical impact was no worse than a standard coaster. Still, if I’m being honest, it was simply too fast for me to even process what was happening.
"Hmm, perhaps this is actually quite good for taking in the view slowly," Shiro remarked.
"Wait... why are you drinking black tea?"
"Should I have brought a cup for you as well, Kaito-san?"
"No, I can only envision a scenario where it ends up all over my face..."
It was a terrifying speed for me, but apparently, it felt slow to Shiro-san. By the time we pulled into the station, she had a teacup in hand. Looking closer, I realized she wasn't even using the safety restraints; she was just sitting there normally. The sight was a stark reminder of the massive difference in our specs.
"Shiro-san, please make the next attraction something a little more low-key."
"Very well. Let’s try the horror house."
A horror house... the quintessential classic. It definitely met my request for something without violent movements. I wasn't particularly bad with jump scares, and knowing Alice was the one producing it, I figured it might actually be fun.
The horror house Shiro-san led me to was modeled after a Western mansion—a classic "horror house" vibe. The air inside was chilly, and the sound of windows rattling added a lot to the atmosphere.
"Ooooohhh..."
"Whoa!"
A zombie—one that looked unsettlingly realistic—appeared further down the hallway, shambling toward us with a low, resonating groan. Alice had really outdone herself. Honestly, it was a little creepy.
Right after I flinched at the hyper-realistic production, Shiro-san pointed her index finger at the approaching zombie and fired an extra-thick beam from her fingertip.
Wait, what?!
"Ugyaaaaah!"
What the hell are you doing, Shiro-san?! Why did you just casually incinerate the zombie?
As I stood there, stunned by her unpredictable behavior, Alice materialized right in front of us.
"What do you think you’re doing, you shitty goddess?! Why fire a beam the second we meet?! If that hadn't been me, I’d have been annihilated!"
"Is a horror house not an attraction where one progresses by defeating the monsters that appear?"
"There’s no way it’s such a violent attraction! Even if it were, you don’t take them down with a beam that annihilates things at the atomic level! Seriously, I’m begging you... my life is at stake here. Don't just look at the surface; study the substance of the ride properly."
"I see."
Alice was completely right on this one. Shiro-san, you should be able to look into my memories to see what these things are supposed to be, right? Please, do your homework.
"I understand," Shiro-san said, staring intently at me. After a moment, she nodded as if she’d reached some kind of epiphany and turned back to Alice. "There is no problem. I understand everything now."
"What is this? This vague sense of dread..." Alice grumbled, but she vanished, choosing to trust Shiro-san’s word for now.
"Now then, Kaito-san. Let us resume."
"Uh, right... are you really sure you're okay?"
"It is no problem. I have a perfect understanding of what I must do here."
I had to agree with Alice; I felt that same vague sense of dread.
We continued through the mansion until a ghost resembling Frankenstein's monster emerged, brandishing an axe. It was another impressive piece of work.
"Oh no, I'm so scared."
"..."
"..."
In all my life, I have never heard a more blatant lie. Shiro-san clung to my arm while letting out a monotone "kyaa" without changing her expression once. I had no idea how to react. Even the Frankenstein had frozen in place, seemingly speechless.
So... what now? Shiro-san was still clinging to me, peeking up at my face as if she were waiting for something. Honestly, I knew exactly what she wanted me to say, but the words felt so ridiculous in context that I hesitated. But she clearly wasn't going to let go until I said it.
"...It's okay. I'll... I'll protect you, Shiro-san."
"Thank you. As I thought, you are very reliable, Kaito-san."
I’m going to protect Shiro-san? I almost laughed at the sheer absurdity of the statement. Regardless, she seemed satisfied and finally let go. After that, she didn't show any further reaction to the ghosts, and we cleared the rest of the house without incident.
As we walked out, still holding hands, Shiro-san spoke up with a surprisingly grave expression.
"This won't do."
"Eh? What won't?"
"The incident in the horror house made me realize something. There is something missing from this date."
"Something missing? Like what?"
I had a bad feeling about this.
"The 'lovey-dovey factor' is insufficient."
"Oh..."
Here we go again.
"Kaito-san and I are a couple, and we are on a date at an amusement park. Therefore, it is only right that more romantic, 'lovey-dovey' developments should occur."
"..."
A god just used the phrase "lovey-dovey." Also, while we haven't had any romance, we've had nothing but "developments" since the second we arrived.
"Therefore, Alice. Please arrange things so that Kaito-san and I can naturally transition into romantic scenarios."
"Why the hell do I have to follow through that far?" Alice grumbled, appearing once again. "That wasn't in the original contract. Don't just dump it all on me; do it yourself."
"I see. In that case, lend me your ear for a moment."
"What now? I'm not making any more concessions—"
Alice looked overtly annoyed, but Shiro-san ignored her complaints and started whispering in her ear. I could already see where this was going. She was definitely about to get bribed.
"Wait, seriously?!"
"I do not go back on my word."
"Well... it can't be helped! Leave it to Alice-chan, the Romance Master!"
"I'm counting on you."
True to my expectations, the self-proclaimed "Romance Master" with a few hundred thousand years of being a virgin was bribed instantly. This was bad. Shiro-san was far too powerful now that she’d learned how to buy people off. The worst tag-team in history had just been formed. I felt an immense sense of dread for what was coming next.
Extra: Shiro and Alice's Transaction
Natural God: "If you help facilitate romantic moments between Kaito-san and me... I will allow you and Kaito-san to have your own date here after this one is over. You may remodel the park however you wish. I will cover the costs for the remodeling, food, and everything else. I will even manipulate the weather or the situation to your liking, and I shall provide only the finest ingredients for your meals."
Alice: "Wait, seriously?!"
Natural God: "I do not go back on my word."