When the sky outside began to blush with the colors of the sunset, Alice informed me that the party preparations were complete. I stepped out of the shop... and stood there, utterly paralyzed.
What on earth was I looking at? I thought I’d grown used to the absurdities of this world by now, but this was something else entirely.
"...Hey, Alice."
"Yes?"
"Is something wrong with my eyes? Because I’m pretty sure I see a 'floating castle' hovering outside the Royal Capital."
"You do indeed."
At the end of my stunned gaze, positioned somewhere to the south of the capital, was a massive fortress. It gleamed with a beautiful, white-porcelain luster. Had I seen it without any context, I probably would have been moved by its fantastical beauty.
But the context made all the difference. I had a horribly sinking feeling in my gut.
"...If my memory serves me right, that definitely wasn't there before, was it?"
"Correct. 'Because it was built today.'"
"...Hey, Alice."
"Yes?"
"...I really hope I’m wrong about this, but..."
"It’s the Kaito-san's Birthday Party Venue."
"..."
It seemed my intuition had been spot-on.
Something was wrong... something was fatally, fundamentally wrong. I had completely assumed we would be having a small home-party style celebration at Lilia-san’s mansion... but a castle!?
"...Well, I have to ask just in case, but how did that castle get there?"
"The Gods put it together for you in half a day."
"I mean, for my part... I would have been perfectly happy with something small and cozy with just my friends..."
"Kaito-san, Kaito-san... that’s impossible. Your 'friends' just happen to be the most powerful people in this world..."
"...That’s true."
Why hadn't I considered that? The Three Kings of the Human Realm, the Six Kings of the Demon Realm, the three Supreme Gods, the Creator God... and even the God of an Otherworld—they were all my acquaintances.
If Shiro-san was attending, the Gods would obviously go all out. And if the Six Kings and the various Human Realm monarchs were participating, I should have predicted the party would be a magnificent affair... No, even so, I never could have imagined someone commissioning a brand-new floating castle for a single birthday.
"...Hey, Alice."
"Yes?"
"I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and accept that you wanted an extravagant party. But who was the one who decided a castle was necessary?"
"Shallow Vernal-sama and Eden-san. For this occasion only, it seems they’ve formed an unconditional alliance."
"The worst possible tag-team has been formed!?"
A partnership between the two highest-ranking Gods, both of whom have their 'read the room' function permanently set to OFF and possess the power to execute any nonsensical whim they have... it was the most disastrous combination imaginable.
I mean, of course I was happy and grateful that they wanted to celebrate my birthday, but... those two don't have a single ounce of restraint...
"Anyway, how am I supposed to actually get to that castle?"
"What are you saying? You have a dependable, transcendent beautiful girl for a lover, don't you, Kaito-san? Your lover will be transporting you, so there’s no problem at all!"
"...Could you swap places with Kuro or Isis-san or someone like that?"
"Wait, Kaito-san!?"
I couldn't help it. The thought of being 'transported' by Alice brought my trauma from my previous visit to the Demon Realm rushing back...
"It’s fine! I’ve come up with an extraordinary transport method for this occasion! Just leave it to me; you can trust me like you would a great ship."
"...The moment you used the word 'transport' method, I lost every shred of trust I had. Also, my sixth sense is screaming a deafening warning at me to run away right now."
"Hahaha, surely you jest... Well then, please step onto this."
"No, I’m not joking... Wait, what is this?"
Alice pulled out a circular wooden board with a radius of about one meter. It was impossible that this board would just hover in the air and move automatically if I stood on it. I knew that for a fact because Alice had that specific look on her face—the one she wears when she’s about to pull a prank.
I inspected the board carefully, but I couldn't find anything particularly suspicious about it.
"...Alice, tell me the truth. What kind of magic did you cast on this board?"
"Eh? Just Status Preservation Magic so it won't break."
"..."
"No, really, it’s the truth! Come on, come on, we’re running out of time, so just get on!"
It felt incredibly shady. However, it was also true that if everyone was waiting for me, I should hurry.
After thinking it over for a moment, I timidly stepped onto the board... but nothing happened.
"...Oh?"
"See? No weird tricks, right? Well then, here we go~"
"A-Ah... No, wait, why are you pulling out another board?"
My relief lasted only a second. Alice produced a long, thin wooden board and a pedestal that looked suspiciously familiar. She began joining the long board to the circular one I was standing on, fixing them together with Status Preservation Magic...
"...Wait, Alice. Is it just me, or does this look exactly like a 'seesaw'?"
"...Tehe."
"I’m getting of—"
"Trajectory confirmed! Launch!"
"—Waaaaah!? Alice!! You! You’d better remember this later!!"
I realized what was happening and tried to scramble off the board, but Alice was faster, slamming her weight onto the opposite end of the seesaw.
And just as my worst fears predicted, my body was catapulted high into the sky.
Dear Mother, Father—Just when I was starting to think Alice had finally calmed down a bit, she pulled this on me. It’s true I’ll reach the venue in an instant, but there were definitely other ways to do this. It’s painfully obvious she chose this method simply because she thought it was funny. That jerk—I’m definitely giving her a lecture later.