Looking back on it now... I might have been wrong from the very beginning.
When I first arrived in this world, I finally admitted that my heart was in pieces. I became a Fragment of Illusion—an existence that lived only to fulfill Iris’s wish and then die.
My plans to reform the Demon Realm, my obsession with expanding my network of subordinates... none of it was for anyone else. It was all for me.
Truly, I thought only of myself in those days. No, it would be more accurate to say that I wasn't even capable of thinking about myself properly.
I understand it now. I was trying to force a romance just so I could fulfill Iris’s wish and finally end my life. I wasn't trying to fall in love because I actually liked someone; I was merely trying to complete the "task" of romance so I could earn the right to die.
A heart filled with nothing but self-destructive impulses had no room for love. Back then, I didn't even notice something so simple. I just felt a mounting sense of impatience and frustration with every passing day.
In the first place, I never really opened my heart to anyone. I kept my walls up constantly, never letting a soul peer into the depths of my being. I was quite the pathetic shut-in. When you let your loneliness fester for hundreds of thousands of years, your personality starts to rot in some pretty nasty ways.
When I reflect on why I failed to achieve my goal for so long... I realize that meeting Kaito-san was a genuine miracle.
To be honest, Kaito-san wasn't a romantic interest to me at first. The only reason I approached him wasn't for my own sake, but as a way to repay Kuro-san.
I had always felt a sense of debt toward her. Even if I hadn't known it at the time, my choices had ended up obstructing her deepest wish. Kuro-san had taken me in, and I had been searching for an opportunity to pay her back for a very long time.
That was exactly why I didn't overlook her rare moment of selfishness. I approached Kaito-san specifically to support her and ensure the best possible outcome for her... all while wearing the mask of a girl named Alice.
According to my scenario, Kaito-san would meet many people in this world to strengthen his heart. He would forge bonds with the Six Kings and eventually overcome the tragedy of being betrayed by a "friend." Having gained that extra layer of strength, he would then challenge the inner reaches of Kuro-san's heart.
That was the script I wrote—a play staged not for myself, but for Kuro-san.
I'll confess it now: I personally orchestrated nearly a third of the encounters Kaito-san had before he reached Kuro-san.
I knew Isis-san's magic power was drawing near, so I adjusted the timing of his walk so they would cross paths on the way home. I don't even need to mention Megiddo-san or Magnawell-san. And it was I who whispered in Fate-san's ear to pique her interest in him.
It was all to repay my debt to Kuro-san.
For that period of time, I wasn't thinking about my own needs. I was moving and thinking solely for Kuro-san's sake when I met Kaito-san. Looking back, that might have been the most important factor. Usually, I was plagued by the desperate need to "hurry up and fall in love so I can die," but since I didn't view Kaito-san as a romantic target, I was able to focus entirely on the matter at hand. Everything just fell into place perfectly.
Yes... when I first met Kaito-san, there was a tiny bit of room left in my heart.
That was why Kaito-san looked so much like Iris to me.
It was a truly strange sensation. When I talked with him, I wasn't smiling because I felt I had to; the smiles just came naturally. I remember feeling a wave of nostalgia, thinking, "Ah, is this how a smile is supposed to feel?"
We shared idle chatter, laughed over nothing, and I got scolded for stupid things... and slowly, I started to lose track of who I was supposed to be.
The name "Alice"—the name of a mere actor in a play meant to fulfill Kuro-san's wish—started growing larger and larger inside me. At the same time, bit by bit... truly, at a glacial pace... my shattered heart felt like it was being mended. I began to remember what it felt like to actually care about someone.
Then, amidst the confusion of rediscovering things I thought I'd lost forever, the decisive moment arrived.
"Kaito-san, holding a grudge against me is misdirected. This is strictly business. Besides, you and I are just friends... we aren't family or lovers. That’s all this was."
"...Yeah. I suppose you're right."
This was fine. Alice, having betrayed Kaito-san, would now vanish. There were several ways the story could go from here, but if Kaito-san wished for it, I could even provide a fake corpse in my guise as the Phantasm King.
This was the scenario I had decided on from the very beginning. Kaito-san would suffer a great shock, and Kuro-san would be there to gently comfort him. Through that, his feelings for her would deepen, and he would grow as he overcame the pain. I had prepared everything for this. I even had subordinates hiding nearby to ensure he didn't get hurt.
Everything was going exactly as planned. So why... why did it hurt so much? I had done far worse things in my life, so why couldn't I shake this sickening feeling?
It was hard to breathe. I didn't want to look at his face for another second.
"Well then, I'll be going now~"
Desperately suppressing my trembling heart, I bid him farewell with the casual tone I always used.
This was fine. He and I were just friends—nothing more, nothing less. That was how the characters were set up.
"...Alice."
"What is it?"
Why did I stop? Alice was supposed to disappear from his life. From now on, the only one he would interact with would be Phantasm King No Face. I should have just ignored him and walked away.
"...Next time, don't waste your money."
"...I'll think about it."
Why? Why would he say that? Please, stop... don't confuse me any more than this. I betrayed your trust, didn't I?
Wrapped in an indescribable storm of emotions, I opened the door. At the moment I went to close it, I caught a brief glimpse of his face.
Kaito-san was smiling. It was a troubled smile, but it was incredibly gentle—the kind of look someone gives a child they just can't stay mad at.
Leaning against the door I had just shut, I finally understood.
Ah... I see. I finally get it. I want to be Alice.
The character I had created to be a temporary role, destined for an early exit... she had become the "new me" without me even realizing it.
And Kaito-san... you wanted that, too. I finally understood. It took a long, winding road to get here, but this... you... were what I had been searching for all along.
Before I knew what I was doing, I had smashed through the door I just closed and burst back into the room.
"And so... I've come to the rescue! Kaito-san!"
"...Huh?"
Fine. If that is what you want, then I will be Alice. I can just rewrite the script as I go.
Not as Shaltier, nor as No Face, but as Alice—and nothing else—I will save you!
Yes. On that day, in that very moment, I was born anew.
Not as the Hero of an Otherworld Alicia, nor as the Fragment of Illusion Shaltier, nor as the Faceless King No Face... but as the new me, Alice... I fell in love with you.
Serious-senpai: "Guh... This... this exquisite sweetness... This is it. This is how it should be. Trust Kaito to pull this off the moment he shows up... Heh... that's the spirit... Don't you dare... stop!"