"You little brat... what’d you just say?"
"I asked if your ears were clogged with fat, or if it's just your head that's oversized."
Inside the tavern adjacent to the Adventurer’s Guild, I was currently picking a fight.
"It seems you have a death wish."
I was facing off against three men. Each of them was easily twice my height and triple my girth. I didn't know their ranks, but judging by how the other patrons were currently scrambling for the exits, they were clearly big shots.
Their belts and backs were laden with heavy machetes and massive axes—blades that had undoubtedly tasted the blood of many monsters. And probably quite a few humans, too.
◇
A few hours earlier...
We were currently being rattled around in the back of a carriage heading toward Ligbelt Town in the Fanscent Territory.
"It suits you, Weiss. Doesn't it?"
"Haha... Hahaha... Ha."
I could only offer a strained, dry laugh as we bounced along the road. Teacher Milk, on the other hand, looked the happiest I’d seen her in weeks.
I looked down at myself. I was currently decked out in ostentatious, gold-plated armor, with a decorative, glittering sword hanging at my hip. No matter how you sliced it, I looked like a pampered noble’s son. A total rich brat. A high-tier aristocrat just begging to be mugged.
"Lord Weiss, it’s a perfect fit! You look so dashing!"
"Lilith... are you actually praising me? Or are you making fun of me?"
"I'm praising you, of course!" Lilith cheered, pumping her fists in encouragement.
Meanwhile, Teacher Milk and Lilith were dressed in the drab, functional gear of ordinary adventurers. Well, that was the plan, anyway.
"Just make sure those don't end up being your burial clothes," Milk remarked casually. "It’ll be a massive pain for my reputation if I have to go on the run because you died on my watch."
Shouldn't you be more worried about my life than your paperwork?!
She was definitely serious. Every time she spoke, I became more convinced that she was the real villain here. Seriously, would it have killed the universe to let me reincarnate as Milk Abitus instead?
"Weiss, you’ve got some nerve, directing bloodlust at me."
"It was a joke! I’m sorry!"
We eventually arrived at Ligbelt Town. In the game, this was the first major hub the protagonist reached after starting his journey. It was also, quite frankly, a total dump.
The gate guards were present, but they were too busy gossiping to notice us, their posture basically screaming, 'Just go in, who cares?'
Teacher Milk didn't say a word as we passed through. They say the gate guards are the face of a nation; the stricter they are, the better the country. If they’re vigilant, the people are safe. If they’re like this... well, you can imagine the state of the local public order.
"So, who’s the target? Am I just supposed to pick a fight with some random guy?"
"Of course not. I’ve selected the perfect sparring partners for you. Rest assured."
I am not 'resting' or 'assured'! I am the exact opposite of both those things!
"Lord Weiss, do your best! Fight!"
Lilith was cheering me on, but she clearly had no intention of actually stepping in to help.
The moment we stepped into the town proper, a dozen predatory gazes pierced through me. To an outsider, I probably looked like a wealthy little lordling out for a stroll with two beautiful women. In reality, I was a man walking the road to execution while being watched by two sadistic demons.
"Check out the rack on that big one..."
"I like the little one. She’s my type."
"Look at that brat, swaggering around with beauties and high-end gear."
You guys better watch your mouths, I thought. One more word and you're dead. Also, I don't care about Milk, but I will definitely protect Lilith!
"Teacher Milk, those guys are really annoying, aren't they?"
"Hmm? Ah, just ignore them. They’re small-time."
Wait... did Lilith just radiate a wave of bone-chilling bloodlust for a split second?
Eventually, we reached our destination: the Adventurer’s Guild. Just ahead of us, three massive, hulking men were swaggering inside. They looked like they’d just stepped off a wanted poster for a triple homicide. My 'bad feeling' meter was currently redlining.
"Perfect timing," Milk whispered. "Weiss, those are your opponents: the Boudan Brothers. Don't hold back. They’re scum, so you don't need to feel guilty about breaking them."
"...Right. Okay. Let's go home."
I turned to bolt, but Milk’s hand clamped onto my head like a vice.
"Entertaining. I’ll give you a passing grade for your sense of humor."
"I'm not joking! I’m being completely literal! And what do you mean 'three' brothers?! Could we start with just one brother?!"
For someone claiming it was 'amusing,' Teacher Milk’s expression was as cold as ice. She was terrifying.
"How am I even supposed to start this?! Am I just supposed to walk up and call them idiots?!"
"Just go in and apply for an adventurer's license."
"...Apply?"
"Yes. With that outfit, they'll definitely come for you. Just respond when they do."
"Won't I be dead before the 'responding' part?"
"That’s enough talk. Listen, Weiss. People like to say there’s an 'order' to things, but that doesn't exist on a battlefield. The first move is everything. You're strong, and you’ve got grit, but you have zero real-world experience. Find your courage. Do exactly what I taught you. Now, I’m going to go get a drink."
With a sharp turn, Milk walked off toward the bar. Lilith followed her as a matter of course, throwing me one last supportive fist-pump. I thought they were on my side, but I’ve never felt more betrayed in my life.
Still, I couldn't exactly turn tail and run now. I had to face this.
No, actually, I should definitely run.
But then I felt Milk’s gaze on my back from the tavern entrance, and I knew there was no escape.
▽
The moment I pushed open the guild doors, every eye in the place swiveled toward me.
I was a brat in gold armor with no guards and an arrogant look on my face. I was a walking 'Kick Me' sign. A literal sitting duck.
The application process itself was surprisingly smooth. The only hiccup was the receptionist’s eyes nearly popping out of her head when she saw my name. Because I was a noble, the boring lectures were waived, and I was told my exam date would be mailed to me later—not that I actually planned on showing up for it.
As I turned to leave, one of the tanned Boudan brothers stuck his leg out to trip me. Or rather, I saw him preparing to do it.
Mana flows through the human body just like blood. Thanks to my hellish training, I could see that flow as a glowing visualization.
Suddenly, a wave of irritation washed over me. Why was I putting up with this? This was purely for Milk's amusement.
Fine. I’m pissed off. This is totally just me taking out my frustrations, but hey, if they’re total scum, I can vent a little, right? Probably.
Since the guy wanted to trip me so badly, I decided to help him out by kicking his shin with every ounce of strength I had.
"GAH—! You little shit! What do you think you're doing?!"
"You're the one who stuck your stubby little leg out, aren't you?"
"Hey brat, what did you just say?"
"I asked if your ears were clogged with fat, or if it's just your head that's oversized."
I had never been in a real fight in my previous life. Even with all my training here, my body still flinched instinctively at the sound of a raised voice. Milk and Lilith were just a few yards away in the tavern, but right now, I was on my own.
"Outside. Now, brat."
The Boudan Brothers shoved me toward the exit. So far, so good. Everything was going according to Milk's script.
"You a noble or something?" one growled as we hit the street.
"Pretty cocky for a kid with no servants," the other sneered.
They were leading me toward a dark alleyway. I could see the mana inside them churning—there was no 'stagnation' in their intent. They were going to kill me.
But then, Milk's voice echoed in my head: Do exactly what I taught you.
I took a deep breath, forcing my racing heart to settle. Just before we crossed the threshold into the alley—before they could get their bearings—I drew my blade and took Boudan's right arm off.
"...Eh? GYAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
There was a slight delay before the screaming started. I flicked the blood off my blade with a sharp, practiced motion.
The first move. That was Milk's golden rule. If I’d waited until we were in the alley, they would have flared their mana to reinforce their physical defenses. There was no reason to play fair and let them prepare.
The other two—I didn't know which brothers they were—scrambled back and drew their weapons. They flared their mana and exchanged a silent look, moving to flank me with practiced ease. Their coordination was terrifyingly fast, completely at odds with their thuggish appearance.
And yet, I wasn't afraid. My mind was crystal clear. If anything... I felt a strange sense of excitement.
Ah... Weiss. So you were still in there, weren't you?
"You little BASTARD!"
The man in front of me lunged with a roar, but it was a blatant feint. I could 'see' the mana shifting behind me as a machete swung toward my head.
I pivoted on my heel, using the centrifugal force to take the attacker’s left arm off. As blood sprayed and the screams redoubled, the face of the final brother twisted in pure, unadulterated terror.
Seeing him cower like that... I actually started to laugh.
Small fry.
Thinking that with a chillingly calm heart, I took the last man’s arm.
The whole thing had taken maybe thirty seconds. The alley was thick with the copper scent of blood and the echoing shrieks of the brothers. I felt a weird, soaring sense of exaltation.
The 'Practical Test' was over. But Milk hadn't told me what to do with the survivors.
As I stood there wondering, I heard the sound of slow clapping.
"Passable, I suppose."
"That was amazing, Lord Weiss!"
"Teacher Milk? Lilith? Why are you here?"
"I told you, it would be a pain if you died," Milk said.
Right. Still not worried about me personally. Got it.
Milk proceeded to use my name to summon the local military police, and the brothers were hauled away. It turned out their rap sheet was a mile long: rape, robbery, murder, bribery, kidnapping, and slave trading. They’d only stayed free this long by bribing the guards—guards who were also currently being arrested thanks to Milk’s earlier 'negotiations.'
As we climbed back into the carriage, the adrenaline finally wore off, and the reality of what I'd done started to sink in.
"So... did I pass?"
"I’d like to give you full marks, but I’m going with a 70%."
"That’s... kind of harsh."
"If it were me, I would have taken their arms off inside the guild hall before they ever reached the door. That is what it means to take the initiative."
"............"
She wasn't joking. She really would have done that. She thrived on doing the unthinkable to catch people off guard.
Lilith, however, beamed and grabbed my arm. "Hehe! You were wonderful, Lord Weiss! I give you 120... no, 200 points!"
"Thanks, Lilith. That actually makes me feel a bit better."
And so, my test ended in a success. Sort of. But as I looked at my companions, I noticed something off.
"Wait... why do you both have red stains on your clothes?"
"Your imagination," Milk said flatly.
"Yes! Total imagination!" Lilith added with a suspiciously bright smile.
A few days later, an official report arrived at the estate. It was... confusing.
First, my adventurer's exam had been waived by special exception. Second, I received a formal letter of thanks and a reward for the arrest of the Boudan Brothers. And finally...
"...Did I actually do this?"
The report stated that at a tavern near the guild, a gang of over twenty notorious bandits had been 'subdued' and arrested simultaneously. The credit for the entire operation had been given to me.
However, the letter included a polite postscript: 'In the future, please try to hold back just enough so the suspects are still capable of speech.'
...There's no way, right?