Noin stood frozen in a daze, processing a reality so surreal it defied logical explanation: a dear friend she hadn't seen in ages had somehow shrunk to the size of a child.
But as expected, Falce didn't miss a beat. Even in our brief acquaintance, I had already realized she was completely incapable of reading the room.
"Now, now, Noin, you should calm yourself. Surprise is merely a fleeting reaction. Humans are creatures of habit; you’ll find nothing strange about my appearance soon enough."
"……No, well, you’re certainly the same as ever."
"Did you know? In the other world, there is a proverb that says a soul at three remains until a hundred. It means that a personality formed in childhood does not change even as one grows old. I am well over a thousand years old, but as long as I remain myself, my temperament is not something that will shift so easily."
"Hah, well, whatever. I give up on that. More importantly, it’s rare to see you out and about. I assume Kaito-san found you while you were lost or something?"
Perhaps because of their long history together, Noin seemed to understand Falce's quirks well. She quickly dropped the subject and pivoted the conversation. Based on Noin’s remark, it seemed Falce might actually be a legendary case of being directionally challenged.
"You’re not far off. It is true that he rescued me and true that I was lost, though the circumstances were slightly different. Regardless, that isn't the vital part of the story. The reason I'm here is that I have a meeting with Laguna."
"With Laguna?"
"We agreed to meet at nine in the morning. However, the trouble is that I have ended up being 'late.' Given her temperament, I’m already getting a headache just thinking about her reaction."
At Falce’s words, Noin, Fia-sensei, and I all tilted our heads in confusion. The current time was only 8:50 AM. It wasn't nine yet. Despite that, Falce spoke as if she had already missed the deadline. What did she mean?
Just as I was about to ask for clarification, I saw Laguna running toward us from a distance with terrifying momentum.
"Fa—l—ce!"
"Oh, Laguna! Good, we managed to meet up safely—"
Seeing Laguna, Falce raised a hand with a bright smile. Laguna, however, didn't return the greeting. She leaped into the air just before reaching her and brought her fist down with a thunderous impact.
"What do you think you're doing, you moron!?"
"Gah!?"
Struck with incredible force, Falce was slammed face-first into the cobblestones. My jaw dropped. What was happening? Why the sudden violence?
As I stood there stunned, Falce slowly lifted her head while clutching it with both hands.
"……Ouch…… What was that for, Laguna? No matter how you look at it, I am a back-line type. I would appreciate it if you, a front-line specialist, would refrain from such physical outbursts. That blow felt like it was intended to kill."
"Of course I intended to kill you!"
"Hey now…… well, considering the situation, I suppose I am to blame. Our meeting was for nine in the morning, was it not?"
"On the first day of the festival! I told you to come for the opening ceremony!"
……9:00 AM on the first day of the Six Kings Festival? That was three days ago! That wasn't just being late; that was an entirely different category of failure.
I finally understood what Falce meant when she said the specific hour wasn't the important part. This woman wasn't just late by minutes—she was late by several sunrises.
"Sigh. I’ve been coming here every day around nine just in case, but…… are you mocking me?"
"I see. Your anger is justified, Laguna. Since it is a fact that I was late, I shall offer a sincere apology. I am truly sorry. However, while I know this may sound like an excuse, I do have my own side of the story."
"……And what would that be?"
"In the first place, was it not a mistake to let me, the woman dubbed the Unparalleled Directionless Person in the long history of the Elves, travel alone? It is a factor worthy of sympathy that you, as King, were too busy to come pick me up. The wyvern service that goes directly to the venue departs from the Gate in the Demon Realm, meaning I had to reach the Gate on my own. For the record, I was lost for two days just reaching the Gate near Rigforresia."
"……"
While listening to Falce’s defense, I leaned in and whispered to Noin.
"……Noin-san. Is she really that bad with directions?"
"……Yes. Honestly, it’s so severe I almost wonder if she’s doing it on purpose. Hearing her story, I’m actually impressed she found the Gate at all."
Apparently, Falce was directionally challenged to a catastrophic degree.
Laguna seemed to lose all strength, dropping to the ground on her hands and knees.
"……It was my fault. I should have known."
"It is fine as long as you understand. However, fundamentally, the blame remains with me. Even if I was lost, I had ways to contact you. I’m hopeless. Perhaps it is the temperament of a researcher, but when I concentrate, my vision becomes narrow. I shall reflect on this…… By the way, I actually found some fascinating plants in the Forest of Rigforresia! I ended up getting so absorbed in collecting them—"
"You! That was the reason you were late, wasn't it!?"
"No—No, well, it was certainly a factor…… Please calm down, we are sentient beings capable of dialogue! Put down that fist! If I am hit any more, my memories will start to vanish……"
Laguna’s shoulders slumped with an exhausted expression. While watching their exchange, I spoke again to Noin, who had moved closer to me.
"……She’s quite a handful, isn't she? Falce-san……"
"Yes. However…… there was an even worse person among my former party members."
"Eh? Worse than that?"
"……There was. A woman named Hapty. She was a nightmare. As soon as we’d arrive at a town occupied by demons, she’d nonchalantly start looting the place. Behind our backs, she’d negotiate 'rescue fees' with the survivors. She once tricked us into raiding ruins full of treasure by claiming they were demon strongholds. The moment we reached the Demon King's Castle, she tried to make a break for the treasury…… She was a greedy, gold-grubbing troublemaker through and through."
"……"
"She was talented, certainly, but about half of the love triangle drama and near-death experiences our party faced were entirely Hapty's fault."
"……"
Having heard Noin’s exasperated testimony, I quietly stepped away and spoke to the empty air behind me.
"……Come out, you gold-grubber."
"Wh—Whatever are you talking about? I am merely a transcendent beautiful girl general store owner. I’ve never heard of this transcendent beautiful girl chivalrous thief Hapty-chan—Eek!?"
Since the fact that Alice was Hapty seemed to be a secret, I decided not to tell Noin. However, that didn't mean I was going to let her off the hook. I felt it was my duty to punish her in place of her old comrades.
With that thought in mind, I slowly raised my fist toward Alice, who was turning as white as a sheet.
Dear Mother, Father—Falce-san is certainly an extraordinary person with a powerful personality. But according to Noin-san, Alice…… or rather, Hapty…… was apparently even worse.
Land-battle Type Serious-senpai: "……Hmm. If it’s not serious, but it’s not lovey-dovey either, I get pretty bored…… Ah, pass the soy sauce."
???: "Here you go. Well, the identity of that mysterious transcendent beautiful girl chivalrous thief Hapty-chan is certainly intriguing…… but for now, Serious-senpai, please prepare yourself for the sweet developments that should be starting soon."
Land-battle Type Serious-senpai: "……I don't want to prepare for that…… This grilled fish is delicious……"