After sabotaging myself with a display of public embarrassment so extreme it could only be described as a suicide mission, I beat a hasty retreat.
I searched for a place with as few people as possible, walking until I finally found a small, quiet plaza where I could catch my breath.
"I'm so sorry, Isis-san. That was a very sudden move..."
"No... it’s okay. Kaito... am I heavy?"
"Not at all. You’re actually surprisingly light."
I apologized to Isis-san, whom I had scooped up in a princess carry and spirited away on pure reflex. She didn’t scold me; if anything, she seemed more concerned for my sake.
That said, she really was light. Even with my lack of physical strength, I’d been able to run while carrying her like this. It wasn't an exaggeration—she felt like she weighed thirty kilograms at most. She had mentioned before that she didn't really need to eat, so her physical makeup was likely fundamentally different from a human’s.
At any rate, we were safe here. I decided to steer clear of the previous area for a while. Just as I started to set her down, she wrapped her arms around the back of my neck.
"Kaito... can we stay... like this... a little longer?"
"O-Of course."
"Thank you... Kaito... I love you."
Clinging to me and nestling her face against my neck while being held in a princess carry, Isis-san was lethally adorable.
I held her like that for a while longer until she was satisfied, then slowly lowered her to her feet.
"W-Well then, shall we take a look around this area? It looks like there are a few stalls over that way, even if it's not very crowded."
"Un."
Feeling a lingering, awkward shyness from our earlier display, I took her hand and we headed toward the stalls a short distance away.
This area was tucked away from the main thoroughfare and saw little foot traffic, but a handful of shops were still open for business.
As we passed one booth lined with small accessories, a voice suddenly called out to us.
"Oh, what a lovely couple! Right now, I have the perfect item for—fugya!?"
I smoothly drove a straight punch into the face of the cow kigurumi that had dared to address us.
"Wait just a second, Kaito-san!? That wasn't a flick, that was a full-on punch ssu! Haven't you been treating me a bit too roughly lately? Alice-chan is your adorable lover, you know ssu!"
"What are you even doing here? Weren't you supposed to be doing restoration work?"
"No, no, that’s a job for Main Body Alice-chan. It has nothing to do with Business Alice-chan No. 86 for Stalls ssu."
"I... I see."
I nodded, exasperated by the logic of this idiot in a cow suit—or rather, Alice’s Split Body.
On second thought, there was no way someone like Alice would let a business opportunity like this slip through her fingers. It wasn't surprising that she’d prepared a few Split Bodies to man various stalls.
The fact that she was number eighty-six bothered me, though. Surely there weren't over eighty people in animal suits scattered throughout the city, right? No, there couldn't be...
"Shaltier... what did you mean... by the perfect item?"
"Hehehe, behold ssu!"
"What... is this?"
"A traditional, prestigious item passed down from the Otherworld ssu!"
Alice pulled out a charm with a solemn air. It was a standard amulet, the kind you’d buy at a shrine back home. I mean, sure, it was technically part of my world's culture, but there weren't any gods here to back it up. I highly doubted it carried even an ounce of divine favor.
"If you have this... you and your lover will become super lovey-dovey ssu!"
...It literally has 'Prosperous Business' embroidered on the front.
"Oh! I... I’ll buy it!"
"Isis-san, wait."
"And that’s not all! If you buy this Crystal Ball as well, the effects will be increased threefold ssu!"
"I-I’ll buy... that too!"
"Much appreciated! Now, let me calculate the total—"
What exactly was that "threefold" increase based on? Actually, never mind. Setting that aside...
"Alice. I'm going to tell you this once."
"Eh?"
"If you trick the innocent Isis-san into buying something expensive... I won't speak to you for the foreseeable future."
"N-Now, now, Isis-san! It was just a joke ssu! You and Kaito-san don't need anything like this! Even without toys, you two are always lovey-dovey ssu! There’s absolutely nothing to worry about ssu!"
"Eh? ...But..."
The moment she heard me, Alice grew visibly flustered even through the suit and smashed the Crystal Ball she was holding.
"I just remembered! This wasn't actually for sale ssu! I can't sell it! Absolutely not ssu!"
"Super lovey-dovey... with Kaito..."
"That reminds me! I actually just finished making a 1/5 size Kaito-san Plushie ssu!"
I felt like I’d just heard a product name that couldn't be ignored, but before I could react, a literal mountain of Platinum Coins materialized in front of the stall.
The one who produced what looked like a thousand Platinum Coins at a glance was, of course...
"I'll buy it! I'll buy all of them!!"
"N-No, this is a prototype, so I only have one... and the price is only 300R, so please put those Platinum Coins away ssu."
"Ugh... then... I’ll buy one."
"Yes, yes, here you go ssu."
"Thank you... you can keep... the change."
Isis-san had been ready to buy out the entire stock with terrifying momentum, but when she heard there was only one, she took the plushie and handed Alice a single Platinum Coin.
Ten million R for a three-hundred R item... Come to think of it, does Isis-san not carry anything smaller than Platinum Coins?
No, that wasn't the point right now. The problem was that deformed plushie of me.
I couldn't exactly take it away from Isis-san while she was hugging it so happily, but I was definitely going to have to have a word with the Source of All Evil about this.
"Alice... we’re talking later."
"Eh?"
"Come find me once you've prepared yourself to sit in seiza."
"............Eh?"
Dear Mother, Father—
As I might have expected, things always get noisy the moment Alice shows up. I suppose that idiotic side of her is part of her charm, but when it comes to her making plushies and life-sized dolls of me—I think we’re going to have to have a very firm discussion.
Serious-senpai MK-II: "Heh... Hehehe... I did it! I finally did it! Being cornered by that wretched ??? has awakened my sleeping power... That's right, I have evolved!! My HP is 1.5 times what it used to be, and my Attack and Defense Power have doubled! And my Serious Power is three, times, greater!! My era has finally arrived! (+1) I'm not afraid of anything anymore! (+1) Hmph... I suppose it wouldn't hurt to make the next chapter serious, would it? (+1)"
~Specs~ Serious-senpai MK-II HP: 150,000,000 (1.5x) Attack Power: 100 (2x) Defense Power: 100 (2x) Serious Power: 3 (3x)