How did things end up like this?
"I’ve felt for quite some time now that you and I should settle things once and for all."
"Heh~ You know, you could’ve just kept running away. That is, if you didn’t want to lose... right?"
"Fufu, you truly are amusing. You make for a splendid jester, Shaltier."
"Ahaha, maybe you shouldn’t try so hard to sound cool? It’s honestly a bit pathetic, Ein-san."
"...Fufu."
"...Haha."
Although both were smiling, Ein-san and Alice were practically clashing in front of me, sparks flying between them. They both radiated an aura so intense I could almost see a Hannya looming behind them, and cold sweat trickled down my spine.
Even Kuro seemed unable to find an opening to intervene, looking back and forth between the two with a flustered expression.
"...Kaito... tea... here."
"O-Oh, thank you very much."
Amidst the tension, only Isis-san was operating as usual. She offered me a cup of black tea with a lovely, gentle smile on her face.
The root of this problem had started just a little while ago... right after I woke up from my hour-long nap on Kuro’s lap and we returned to our accommodation. Isis-san had joined us, and we decided to all have dinner together, but...
"Well then, Chrome-sama, I shall go and prepare dinner."
"Yeah, I’m counting on you~"
It happened in that perfectly natural flow, just as Ein-san was about to head toward the kitchen. Alice—who had appeared out of nowhere at some point—muttered:
"...If you’d like, how about I make it? I’m intimately familiar with Kaito-san’s tastes, after all."
"...Shaltier? May I take that as a challenge directed at me?"
"Eh? No, I’m not exactly trying to pick a fight, Ein-san. I’m sure you’d prepare a very lavish and delicious meal, and I’m looking forward to it... Well, it’s not like being lavish is everything, though."
"...Ho?"
From that moment on, an ominous atmosphere began to swirl. I think that was the exact second the sparks first flew.
"...That is quite the amusing joke. You’re saying that you are superior to me, a maid, I take it?"
"No, no, that’s not it at all~ Well, when it comes to making food for Kaito-san to eat, I suppose I am superior, though..."
"...A-Ein? Sh-Shaltier?"
Kuro seemed to sense the escalating situation and tried to step in, but it was already too late.
"H-Hey, Kuro? Do those two get along poorly?"
"That’s not it! I mean, this is the first time they’ve ever fought like this! Usually, Shaltier isn’t the type to get this stubborn..."
Apparently, it wasn't that Ein-san and Alice were on bad terms. According to Kuro, Alice would normally back down even if the mood turned sour... but since I was the subject of the dispute, Alice had dug her heels in.
...What was I supposed to do?
Which brought us to the present. Two cooking stations resembling those from a televised competition had been prepared, with Ein-san and Alice standing at each one. It was a full-blown cooking battle.
"...Are those ingredients really sufficient? Shaltier."
"...Like I said, luxury isn't everything. I have a perfect grasp of Kaito-san’s preferences! I’ve even got the 'Ate Green Peppers and Cried' Episode down pat!"
"Why do you know about that!?"
Seriously, where did my privacy go? Why is my black history being broadcast so frequently?
It was strange; this was supposed to be a duel between Ein-san and Alice, so why was I the one taking emotional damage? And you, my guardian—Kuro—this wasn't the time to sit next to me with a resigned face eating baby castella!
"...Fight..."
And Isis-san, why were you acting as the referee!? I couldn't keep up with the pace of this situation anymore!
At Isis-san’s signal, both of them moved simultaneously.
In the blink of an eye, Ein-san sliced through a mountain of ingredients and began complex preparations. Alice cooked while magnificently switching between several kitchen knives with blurring speed.
To be honest, they were both moving so fast I couldn't even see what they were doing, but they seemed... evenly matched?
"...Impressive. Shaltier, you truly are an existence I recognize as my equal."
"You’re the impressive one, Ein-san... As expected of a maid."
...Well, I had plenty of thoughts on that... but please don't use the word "maid" as a synonym for "superhuman" as if it’s common sense. Ein-san is the only monster who fits that description.
I didn't really understand the technicalities, but it was clearly a heated battle of mutual recognition.
Just then, a white container and a spoon were placed softly in front of me.
"...Here... Kaito."
"Eh? Isis-san? What’s this?"
"...Gratin... I made it... for Kaito."
"O-Oh, thank you... wait?"
Something felt off. Why was Isis-san, who had been acting as the referee until a moment ago, offering me gratin as if it were the most natural thing in the world? More importantly, when on earth did she even make this?
"...Because Kaito was coming... I was making it."
"Ah, I see... So that’s why you joined us later, Isis-san."
"...Mm."
It turned out the reason Isis-san wasn't there when we first arrived at the lodging was that she had been busy preparing gratin for me.
Yeah, this was... well, it made me happy. Not eating it wasn't an option.
"...Here... Ah-n."
"...And with this, it’s fin—Isis!?"
"Mine is done to—What!?"
Just as Isis-san offered me the spoon with a beaming smile, Ein-san and Alice finished their cooking—only to freeze in shock when they saw her.
"Wait, p-please wait, Isis-san? Wh-What exactly is that..."
"...Gratin."
"No, that’s not what I meant. I mean, the match between me and Shaltier was..."
"...I have enough... for everyone too."
""...I-I see...""
It seemed Isis-san hadn't quite grasped the nature of the competition between Ein-san and Alice. To be fair, they never said it directly and had just been trading indirect barbs...
And perhaps because they were completely disarmed by Isis-san’s pure smile, both of them slumped their shoulders in defeat.
Watching this, Kuro pulled out a blue flag from nowhere and made a declaration.
"...This is, hmmm... Isis's win!"
"...Of what?"
"The dinner battle for Kaito-kun."
"...Mm? ...I don't really get it... but I won."
After saying that with a cute tilt of her head, Isis-san turned toward Alice and Ein-san with a lovely smile.
"...Shaltier and Ein... let's eat? ...It's... more delicious... if we eat together."
"...Understood. By the way, Ein-san, that dish looks delicious. Please let me have some."
"...I don't mind. In exchange, I shall sample your cooking as well."
In response to Isis-san’s guileless request, both Alice and Ein-san shared a wry smile before pulling up chairs. Ein-san glanced toward Kuro, and after receiving a nod, she took her seat.
Of course, Kuro also put away her baby castella and began eating Isis-san’s gratin with a happy smile.
Dear Mother, Father—The cooking battle between Ein-san and Alice started over something unexpected, and in the end, it never reached a formal conclusion. However, seeing the two of them looking like they were having fun in their own way, just as Kuro said—I thought it was fine for Isis-san to win.
War King: "...Eh?"
World King: "...Huh?"
Dragon King: "...What about us?"
War King & World King: "You’re impossible."
Dragon King: "...I don't understand."