It was early morning on my fourth day in the Hydra Kingdom. I had come to the city gates to see Mitsunaga-kun off.
“Miyama-san, thank you for coming all this way. I’m sorry we didn't really get a chance to talk much in the end.”
“No, no, it couldn't be helped. You’re busy with your duties as the Hero, after all. Speaking of which, I saw your speech yesterday. You were very impressive.”
“Thank you. I’m still no match for you, Miyama-san, but I’ll keep giving it my all, bit by bit.”
Wait, that was weird. Did I just hear Mitsunaga-kun say something crazy, like how he couldn't hold a candle to me?
No, I must have misheard him. After all, there wasn’t a single reason why he wouldn’t be a match for me.
“...J-Just to be sure, let me ask: Mitsunaga-kun, did you just say... you’re no match for me?”
“Eh? Oh, yes. After all, Miyama-san, you’ve formed connections with the Six Kings one after another, and you’ve even brought the Phantasm King under your command. You already possess the kind of influence that carries the weight of a corner of the world.”
“...N-No, it’s not that grand... Especially the part about the Phantasm King.”
“...Eh?”
It seemed Mitsunaga-kun had been hearing various rumors about me through Princess Cattleya, and he genuinely believed I was someone incredible.
However, that was a massive misunderstanding. The people around me were the ones who were amazing; I certainly wasn't. I was just an ordinary guy... an ordinary... okay, maybe calling myself "ordinary" was starting to feel a bit desperate. I was beginning to struggle with that self-image myself.
As I continued to chat with Mitsunaga-kun for a while, Princess Cattleya finished her departure preparations and approached us.
“Miyama-sama, thank you so much for your help during this matter. If you hadn't been here, we would have been left in a very disadvantageous position.”
“Ah, no, the one who actually helped was the Phantasm King, so...”
“Yes, please convey our heartfelt gratitude to the Phantasm King-sama as well.”
“I understand.”
I hadn't realized it, but apparently, an attack on the Hero could become a major international incident depending on the circumstances.
However, because Alice had moved so quickly and captured everyone—including the mastermind—in record time, Princess Cattleya said it had truly saved her political standing.
“Well then, Miyama-sama. We shall take our leave now. I sincerely hope we may meet again.”
“Likewise. Please have a safe journey.”
“...I'm sure things are tough for you in your own way, Miyama-san, but hang in there.”
“Yeah. Good luck with the Hero work, Mitsunaga-kun.”
“I will! Well then!”
At his signal, the waiting carriage began to roll. Mitsunaga-kun waved energetically while Princess Cattleya gave a small, elegant nod as they departed. I stood there and watched them go.
Once the group was out of sight, I started walking back toward the city, speaking to Alice as I went.
“Alice, Princess Cattleya said thank you.”
“I have zero interest in that~ If it didn't involve you, Kaito-san, I wouldn't have lifted a finger.”
“Even so, the fact remains that you saved them. So, thank you from me too, once again.”
“Ugh... Y-You're welcome...”
When I offered my own thanks, Alice replied in a slightly bashful voice before vanishing.
Now that I’d seen Mitsunaga-kun and the others off, it was time for my promised date with Fate-san. Wondering where we should go, I met up with her in front of the inn.
“Kai-chaaan! I’m in your hands today~”
“Right. Same here. Well, shall we head out?”
“Roger that! Let’s go!”
Fate-san wasn’t dressed any differently than usual, but she seemed to be in an exceptionally good mood. With a beaming smile, she raised one hand and started walking toward the city center with me.
One step, two steps, three steps... and then Fate-san suddenly stopped.
“...I’m exhausted.”
“You’re slacking already?!”
We’ve only walked three steps! You’re already giving up?! Couldn't you have tried just a little bit harder?!
I directed an exasperated look at her, but her energy had plummeted at a visible rate. She glanced over at me and spoke up.
“Kai-chan, I have a proposal... How about we just flirt in our room, or maybe merge our souls or something...?”
“Rejected!”
“Waaaah... Look, my stamina drops rapidly when I’m out in the sun.”
“You’re fine. You’re not a Vampire; you’re a God.”
I had been terrified yesterday that she might have learned some clever new tricks, but Fate-san was still Fate-san. Her demands were refreshingly, frustratingly direct. My head was already starting to throb.
As I let out a long sigh, Fate-san took on a thoughtful expression for a moment before spreading her arms wide and looking at me.
“Th-Then! Kai-chan, give me a piggyback ride~”
“Rejected. Absolutely not.”
“Uwaaaa~”
She looked quite adorable doing it, but I really didn't want to spend the entire date giving her a piggyback ride, so I shut the idea down.
“Uuuu, but I can't walk anymore~ It's too tiring~”
“...Just how lazy can you be?”
“Ah, I messed up. If I’d known it would be like this, I shouldn't have left my cushion behind...”
“...Haa.”
I was utterly floored by how quickly she started throwing a tantrum, but thinking back, Fate-san usually moved around on a flying cushion. I’d rarely seen her actually walking.
Even on the way to this city, she’d been hitching a ride on my back. It seemed even the act of putting one foot in front of the other was too much trouble for her.
While letting out another long sigh, I realized the date wouldn't go anywhere at this rate. I decided to change the plan and give her the gift I’d prepared a bit early.
“...It can't be helped. I was actually planning to give this to you at the end of the day, but...”
“Hmm? What is it?”
“Here. This is a present I prepared for you, Fate-san.”
“O-Ooooh!!”
As I spoke, I pulled an item out of my Magic Box. It was the Cushion that Ruins People made by Alice—in other words, an incredibly soft bean bag chair.
Fate-san’s eyes widened, and she stared at the gift with a literal sparkle in her gaze.
“A-A cushion! Kai-chan, you got a cushion just for me...?”
“I wasn't sure what you’d like best, so this was the only thing I could think of.”
“I-I'm so hap— wait! Whoops... Just so you know, Kai-chan, I have very high standards for cushions. If you think you can satisfy me with some mediocre pillow, you’re dead wrong!”
She’d almost let it slip that she was happy, but apparently, she had some weird professional pride regarding cushions. She declared her warning with a dead serious face. It was so cute I couldn't help but chuckle.
“I think you’ll be satisfied. This was so popular in my world that they called it the ‘Cushion that Ruins People.’”
“What is that magnificent-sounding name?! It ruins people?! I can be ruined?! That's the best thing ever!”
“...No, your reaction is definitely wrong.”
Why was she so gleefully celebrating the idea of being ruined? Also, don't worry—you've been a no-good goddess since the day I met you. My opinion on that hasn't changed one bit.
Regardless, Fate-san seemed fascinated by the cushion. She took it from me and her eyes went wide.
“Wh-What is this?! This cushion... it's so soft! It feels like my fingers are being sucked into it!”
“It's filled with countless tiny beads, which makes it conform to your body.”
“Fooo! Amazing, Kai-chan! This is incredible... Let’s see...”
As expected of the Cushion that Ruins People. It was terrifyingly effective against a no-good goddess. Fate-san joyfully prodded the cushion all over. After deploying what looked like a Preservation Magic formula, she jumped right onto it.
“Ahhhhh~ This is amazing. This is so gooood... Haaa, that's it. I'm living on this thing now...”
“...”
The compatibility between Fate-san and the cushion was peerless. She melted into it like warm cheese. Assuming a position of total, utter lethargy, she made the cushion float and drifted along beside me.
“Kai-chan... this is the best... Thank youuuu~”
“I’m just glad you liked it.”
“Yeah, Kai-chan really is the greatest~ I love you~ Want a kiss as a thank-you?”
“No, thank you.”
“You don't have to reject me with such instant, cold-blooded decisiveness!”
Was she actually being lazier than before? Well, I suppose it just meant she really liked the gift. That was fine by me.
Dear Mother, Father—My date with Fate-san has officially begun, but as expected, she’s still exactly who she is. The schedule got bumped up and I had to give her the present early, but for now—I’m just glad she liked it.
Q: What happens when you give a "Cushion that Ruins People" to a goddess who is already "no-good"?
A: The no-good goddess and the cushion merge into a state of perfect lethargy, creating a chemical reaction of laziness that triggers a "no-good evolution," making her even more of a lost cause than before.