“—So, do you get it now?”
“Yes. Though I cannot promise it will always be the case in the future.”
“That’s fine. You have your own life to lead, after all... Huh? Come to think of it, why were we talking about this again?”
“Uh... I believe I asked why you wanted to meet me, Selerepta-sama.”
“Ah! That’s right. Then you asked if it was because I found you interesting, and I said no—and then we started talking about why you’re actually boring instead!”
“Yes.”
“Right, right. Well, the reason I called you here is that I was curious about you. Not in the sense of you being ‘interesting,’ though.”
I was starting to understand. This god repeatedly called me ‘not interesting’ or ‘boring,’ but he didn't seem to mean any harm by it. It felt more like he simply spoke exactly what was on his mind without a filter.
“Then, what part of me piqued your curiosity?”
“How should I put it... Gain and the others told me a new person had come to this world, but when you arrived at your current village and I caught a glimpse of you, I thought, ‘This boy might be a bit like me.’”
“Me and you, Selerepta-sama?”
“You can just call me Selere. No one else is listening anyway.”
“...Then, Selere, in what way are we alike?”
“Let’s see... In what way do you think?”
He took a long, dramatic pause just for that? He was a bit of a handful. A point of similarity... where would it be? Based on what I had gathered in this short time, what did we have in common?
“A tendency to be a shut-in?”
“You’re just saying that based on my appearance, aren't you? Although it's a fact.”
“Being relatively insensitive and having a sharp tongue?”
“I won't deny it... but that’s not quite accurate.”
“...Gloomy?”
“You’ve got quite a mouth for a first meeting. Well, none of those are entirely wrong. But the correct answer is something more fundamental.”
Something fundamental?
“In humans, there seems to be a part of themselves that they don’t even understand, so it might be hard to grasp. Even as we converse like this, there’s a part that appears on the surface and a part that doesn't—like a basis for judgment? The core of one's personality? Hmm, it’s hard to explain with words. I haven’t really talked to people this much before anyway...”
The part of oneself that one doesn't understand—I supposed he was referring to a concept like the subconscious.
“Anyway, whether human or god, everyone thinks and feels various things. You can just think of it as the basic foundation for that.”
“I think I understand, more or less. You’re saying our fundamental natures are similar?”
“Exactly. It’s only ‘similar,’ though... By the way, if I had to sum up my way of thinking in one phrase, it would be ‘Survival of the Fittest.’ You have that too, don't you? That side of you.”
“Even if you ask me that... do I really?”
“You don't realize it? Well then, let's talk for a bit.”
Remaining in a state as if he were sitting deeply in an invisible chair, he shifted his posture to lie face-down and kept pushing the conversation forward as if everything were already decided. Our verbal exchange wasn't quite meshing.
“Ah, am I talking too much?”
“It's not that... Did you read my mind? I was just a bit taken aback by your momentum.”
“That’s a relief. As I said before, I rarely talk to people—or even other gods, for that matter.”
He talked a lot, but perhaps he didn't understand personal boundaries, or he just said whatever he wanted to say. In any case, he felt like the type of person who lacked social skills but wasn't necessarily uncommunicative. It wasn’t a rare personality type.
“I appreciate your understanding. Now, back to the subject. Today, you kept the truth about the evolved Pearl Slime a secret from the boy who helped you with your research, didn't you? Why was that?”
As he tilted his head with his chin resting on his interlaced hands, one might have mistaken him for a girl if they didn't know better. While feeling a slight sense of awkwardness, I answered honestly.
“I didn't know the exact value, but it seemed like it would be expensive. Niki is still a child. I thought if he didn't know anything, there would be no worry about information leaking, and it would be safer for him.”
“Yes. I think that prediction is correct. The value of pearls in this world is higher than you think. Especially in the Reefaul Kingdom where you are, they are a gemstone that cannot be harvested yet, so they would fetch an even higher price if put on the market.
“Naturally, people would emerge to investigate the source and acquisition route, and there would be no end to those plotting to take them for themselves. Not just through legal and peaceful means, but people who wouldn't hesitate to use illegal and cruel methods...
“In your case, you have trustworthy merchants among your acquaintances, and you have the backing of the powerful Ducal House. Even if you were attacked, you could handle most opponents with your own strength. But that boy named Niki lacks all of those. The villagers might be able to protect him from small-time crooks like individual thieves, but if he were targeted by a Dark Guild or a noble, he wouldn't stand a chance.”
Selere spoke of these cruel possibilities as if they were a given, never losing his smile.
“You understand it well.”
“Something like this... isn't it only natural for anyone to be wary when they obtain something involving large sums of money? This is from my previous life, but I heard that high-value lottery winners receive warnings from the bank and such.”
“Pfft, ahaha!”
He suddenly burst out laughing. Did I say something strange?
“Sorry, sorry. Are you unaware? Or are you noticing it but pretending not to?”
“I’d like you to explain it a bit more clearly.”
“Ah, right. Yes... first of all, you said it’s ‘natural,’ but it’s surprisingly difficult to do what is natural as if it were natural, you know? For example, in human society, it’s ‘natural’ to greet someone when you meet them as a matter of etiquette. It’s ‘natural’ to respect your elders, right? But aren't there quite a few people who get scolded because they can't do those natural things?”
“...True. I remember being told that often at my company, and I remember saying it to my juniors as well.”
“Right. It’s important, but people tend to be surprisingly negligent about natural things. Even that lottery story you mentioned—the reason banks started giving warnings is surely because there were so many people who failed because of it, right? Well, even with warnings, those who are destined to fail will fail anyway.”
That was true... but even so, I still didn't quite see the point. Wasn't the original topic about me having a side that believed in Survival of the Fittest?
“I haven't strayed from the point. In short, it’s a matter of wariness. You naturally became wary of people who might come to steal the fortune you might obtain. Wariness is a vital trait in the world of survival of the fittest. A creature without wariness won't survive in harsh nature; they’ll be killed immediately.
“Also, you’ve hired two former assassins at your shop, haven't you? You noticed their past before you hired them, didn't you? You felt something was off because they were concealing weapons... the reason doesn't matter, but hiding it so no one notices is an essential skill for an assassin. If an ordinary person can easily notice it, they’re third-rate or lower. Are the two you hired that incompetent? No, they aren't. In other words, it means you have always, unconsciously, been wary of others to that extent.”
……
“Survival of the fittest—that is the wild world. Humans might think it’s something beasts do and has nothing to do with them, but from my perspective, humans are the same as beasts. You live in the same world, after all; the methods are just a little different. For example...”
The moment after his last mutter sounded unusually loud.
“You make various things and know strange facts, don't you? Why is that?”
The question was abrupt and seemingly unrelated, yet the moment I heard it, my heart leaped into my throat.
“It's because I experienced various jobs... and if there was something I was curious about, I was the type to look it up. Plus, there was that convenient thing called the internet over there.”
“Which means you moved from job to job, right?”
“I feel like that’s a bit misleading, but it’s not wrong.”
“Then each time, you quit your previous workplace, didn't you?”
“Yes, but...”
What was this? He was only asking obvious questions, yet I felt a surge of anxiety and impatience. An indefinable emotion began to well up inside me.
“You have quit many workplaces. There would be no end to the reasons if I asked you to list them, so I’ll ask this: Did you leave all of those workplaces on good terms?”
“That is...”
The mysterious emotion swelled further.
“There’s no way that's the case. I’ve heard that humans need a certain reason even to quit a job.”
Indeed, I hadn't been able to leave every workplace on good terms.
“A lot of things happened, didn't they?”
Sometimes, relationships with colleagues or superiors turned sour, and I was driven out. Sometimes, I was accused of something I didn't do. Sometimes, I was berated one-sidedly without even knowing why. Sometimes, it was for the convenience of the employer. Sometimes, the company went bankrupt. Sometimes—
Every time I heard his voice, scenes from the past surfaced in my mind only to vanish. It felt as though I were being swallowed by a muddy torrent; it was nauseating.
“Ugh...!”
“Sorry. It seems I made you remember a lot of unpleasant things.”
As I was enduring the nausea, Selerepta was suddenly right next to me, hugging me from the front. Then, a voice like one soothing a child whispered in my ear.
“But that is a part of you. You might be strong in a physical sense, but socially, you are someone on the side of the weak. And what you have experienced has undoubtedly been carved into your soul.
“Since coming to this world, how many years has it been? Ah, three years in the forest and now the fourth year. It’s only been four years. Just because you’ve lived a carefree and comfortable life for only four years doesn't mean you can forget.”
Strangely, this time, every time I heard his voice, I felt myself calming down.
“How long do you think it takes to treat someone who has once suffered a mental illness? Of course, it depends on the condition and the person, but some people live with it for their entire lives. Thinking that three years of rest should be enough, or telling someone not to be spoiled, shows a lack of consideration—even if that’s toward yourself. You should treasure yourself more.
“You’ve lived happily in this world for four years and intended to completely forget the troubles of your previous life, right? I can understand wanting to feel that way. Indeed, you probably felt that your life and heart were easier than before... but that is only a state of temporary remission. If I poke at it like this, it can be easily gouged out. Besides, it seems you were already remembering things about your previous life on a daily basis from small triggers.”
Was that unpleasantness from a moment ago caused simply by remembering my previous life? Something was strange... yet it felt comfortable.
“...In truth, deep down, you should know it too. Try to remember. You made a wish to Gain and the others at the very beginning, didn't you? ‘I want to live away from people.’ ‘I want to live freely in nature.’ It was none other than you yourself who wished for that.”
“That is—”
...It was true. There was no doubt about it.
“That is the answer. You should have just continued living away from humans. If you had, you could have been free in the true sense... because Gain and the others sent you into a half-baked environment, you were thrust back into human society before your heart could fully heal.”
“Wait!”
“...Ah, I don't mean to speak ill of the people from that Ducal House. They protected and looked after a child they didn't know and had no connection to. As humans, they are nothing short of virtuous. I know that. But in the end, you distanced yourself from them.”
The nausea came rushing back, stronger and heavier than before. I wanted to argue, but the words wouldn't come. It wasn't a conversation anymore, yet he kept talking.
“Furthermore, you don't make human companions, do you? You form bonds and get along with the people you meet wherever you go, but your constant companions for adventuring are only Tamed Monsters. With your ability, you should be able to find as many people as you want who would want you as a partner regardless of your appearance. If you wanted to, you could even propose the idea to the adventurers you’re already acquainted with. Even after establishing a shop and making a base in a town, you keep going back and forth on the pretext of training.
“It’s likely unconscious, so I’ll tell you. You truly long for others, yet you are terrified of becoming close to them.”