My name was Niz. While I worked in Village Five, I also served as the Messenger of the Snake God. Lately, my effort was split roughly ninety percent toward my actual job and ten percent toward my duties as a divine messenger. However, that did not mean I was neglecting my sacred role; I made sure never to miss my morning prayers. It was simply that a certain amount of money was required to enjoy a standard of living fit for a normal person, so I had to work hard to earn my keep.
I told myself to do my best that day as well. But first, I had a little something. Nn. Nothing beat the taste of sake in the morning.
While I was busy enjoying my life in such a fashion, an oracle arrived. It was a communication from my God, and it was not something I could refuse. These things always arrived one-sidedly. When I put my mind to deciphering the content of the oracle, my jaw dropped.
What? Eh? What was this? "Save the monkeys"?
You had to be joking. I was the Messenger of the Snake God. I might go out of my way for a snake, but I had absolutely no reason to work for the sake of monkeys. I refused. I absolutely would not take the job!
...I really had to wonder about the dignity of a god who would bombard me with a relentless stream of silent oracles. Even if they were wordless, every time one hit me, it felt like a heavy physical blow. It was quite painful.
"Alright, I understand! I get it, so please stop!"
Fine, fine, I would do it. I would do my best. However, the ones the monkeys were supposedly protecting were a mother and child of the Demon Race, right? My healing magic only worked on snakes.
What was that? Use World Tree leaves? Those were not my property! I told Him to negotiate for them himself, but He claimed there was nothing to give in return as an immediate payment.
"Pay later? You're saying the Monkey God or his messenger will settle the tab eventually?"
I agreed to negotiate for now, but I made sure to tell my God that if the answer was no, that would be the end of it. If He wanted to keep demanding the impossible, he could take it up with the higher gods. He even had the audacity to suggest I should somehow drag Yoko-san—the Fox God's subordinate—into this. He was truly asking for the moon.
After finishing my negotiations with the Village Head, I managed to obtain five World Tree leaves. I felt a bit awkward pointing this out, but wasn't he giving these out a little too easily? I understood that human lives were precious, but he could stand to be a bit more stingy with—ah, yes, I was going! Right away! I couldn't let it be too late, after all.
I apologized for intruding while he was in the middle of preparations for the martial arts tournament. As for my shop, I asked Chelsea, the Holy Knight, to act as my proxy. Apparently, the Snake God had also contacted the Saint to arrange this. I felt bad for the trouble, but Chelsea-san had helped me several times before, and the other staff members were there to support her. I promised to return as quickly as possible.
I departed for the Southern Continent. My method of travel was a secret—or so I would have liked to say, but I’ll give a brief explanation. It was the power of God. No, I wasn't joking. By using corridors maintained by divine power, one could travel to distant lands. Normally, these weren't for casual use, but I was granted special permission this time.
However, these corridors didn't just let one place exits and entrances anywhere; they only allowed travel between fixed points. This meant I still had to trek a fair distance from the exit to my actual destination.
"Yes, yes, I'm going! I'm doing my best!"
I begged Him to stop the silent oracles, but then a new one hit me. Apparently, things were about to become extremely troublesome, so I needed to hurry. I broke into a full-speed sprint toward my destination.
It was night by the time I arrived. A group of monkeys came out to meet me, but I couldn't understand a word they said. Right—I could talk to snakes, but I had no common tongue with monkeys. It had completely slipped my mind.
Suddenly, I felt a jolt.
"Snake God! It's incredibly distressing to have the Divine Protection of the Monkey God forced upon me without warning!"
Well, at least I could understand them now. It turned out the Monkey God was the one who provided the protection. That made sense; it would have been strange for the Snake God to have any authority over a monkey's blessing. I offered my thanks, but I made it clear that I would be returning the Divine Protection of the Monkey God as soon as the job was done. If I kept it, I was certain I would be dragged into every monkey-related headache that cropped up. I was the Messenger of the Snake God, after all.
The Snake God seemed pleased by my loyalty, but then I felt another surge of power.
"I appreciate the sentiment, Snake God, but please stop stacking your divine protection on top of the other one! It's making it hard to maintain a human form!"
I had to pull myself together and deal with the monkeys. I asked them to show me to the ones who were unwell. I had brought potent medicine that would heal them in no time. First, I saw to the woman. Once I was finished, she looked stable. I told the monkeys to let her sleep for a while. Then there was the child. I tended to the little one as well, and everything seemed to be in order.
As I looked around, I realized I recognized the young lady holding the child. That curly blonde hair was very familiar.
"Enderi-san?"
It was indeed her—one of Gol-san's wives. It was quite the coincidence to meet her in a place like this. When I asked how she had ended up here, she explained that the monkeys had brought her. Apparently, they had decided they needed a surrogate mother for the demon child. I asked her if they had brought her here peacefully.
"Ah, so it was by force. Hahahaha."
"You damn monkeys!"
Just as I was about to scream at them, a warning cry echoed from the trees. Gol-san came plummeting down with his sword drawn, aiming straight for the Boss Monkey.
"Oh, for goodness' sake!"
I lunged forward with my spear to protect the Boss Monkey. It was a close shave, but I managed to intercept the blow. If the boss—or any of the monkeys—were killed here, there was no telling how the Monkey God would react. From a human perspective, the furious Gol-san was entirely in the right, but the Monkey God operated on monkey logic. Even if their methods were flawed, they were protecting a demon woman and child; if they were attacked for it, the Monkey God might take offense. In the worst case, every monkey in the world could turn hostile toward the Demon Race and the Beastman Race. The real problem, of course, was that their "protection" involved kidnapping.
I was relieved that Gol-san remained level-headed enough to stop. Before explaining the situation to him, I asked for a moment to hear the monkeys' side of the story, as I had only just arrived myself. I called over a monkey who seemed to know what was going on and asked for an explanation.
First, I asked about the stolen crops. They explained that they were food for the demon woman and that they had taken them from the Goblin village's fields. I understood their reasoning, but the sheer quantity seemed excessive. They replied that while the food became more delicious when the woman prepared it, the volume decreased, so they figured they needed to provide a massive surplus.
"Delicious... ah, so she's been cooking it. I see."
Next, I asked about the spears and shields. They had stolen them from the soldiers who had come to attack them. When I asked why they didn't just hand the woman over to those people, they claimed the woman had refused. It seemed she had her own complicated circumstances.
Then, they mentioned that Gol-san had come to the forest earlier that day. Since he smelled like a dog—which they hated—they had greeted him with a phalanx. Gol-san was indeed a beastman of a canine lineage, so that checked out.
Then the monkey told me that I smelled bad, too. It was the scent of the wolves from when I had visited the Village of the Great Tree a few days ago. I couldn't believe the scent was still lingering. Yes, it was the smell of the Inferno Wolves. I warned the monkey that he had better not defy me if he knew what was good for him.
This was so painful. I was exhausted. Why was I, the Messenger of the Snake God, doing all this for monkeys? There were so many people I had to explain things to and apologize to that I felt like crying.
Fortunately, the Goblins were a gentle lot, which helped. As for Baron Gima... we reached a settlement where the fact that he had been defeated by monkeys was officially struck from the record. Naturally, money and goods were exchanged under the table to make that happen. I was supposed to receive the costs and rewards for this mission from the Monkey God's messenger, but it would likely be paid in items rather than cash. I would have to sell those items to cover the expenses. I was grateful that they were willing to wait for payment.
However, Baron Gima had a condition for waiting: he wanted me to use my influence to smooth things over with his superior, Marquis Glitch.
"Is that really my job? ...Fine, I understand. I'll do my best."
I also had to thank Gol-san for standing down and offer a formal apology for the abduction of Enderi-san. Since Enderi-san herself had calmed him down, I hoped the compensation wouldn't be too exorbitant, but I still had to show proper sincerity. Well, the one who would truly feel the pinch was the Monkey God's messenger.
He apparently possessed several rare Celestial Tools and Divine Tools. I sincerely hoped he wasn't planning on sending those as payment. Such things were impossible to liquidate; no normal person could buy them, and they weren't the kind of items you could just let circulate in the market.
"Wait... the Village Head could handle them."
I could hand them over to the Village Head, receive cash in return, and use that money to settle the debts. That seemed like a viable plan. If that was what the messenger sent, that’s exactly what I would do. Ideally, he would just send some easily sellable gemstones, but I had learned that as long as I prepared for the worst-case scenario, I could handle anything.
I didn't want to doubt the Monkey God's messenger, but he had better pay up. Defaulting on this debt would mean war. I would gather every bit of my strength and launch a full-scale invasion.
"Monkey God, there's no need for an apology via oracle. Just make sure you give your messenger a very stern talking-to. I'm counting on you."
Also, I told Him that while it was noble for the monkeys to try and save the woman and child, their methods were atrocious. I suggested He should perhaps educate them on how to avoid causing international incidents.
"And don't you dare try to dump that job on me! I am the Messenger of the Snake God. Now, I have to get back. Good luck with everything."
This was so painful. I was exhausted. I was miserable. Ah, I wanted to get back to Village Five and have a drink as soon as possible.
Yoko: "This is exactly why I quit being a messenger. I can't stand those kinds of headaches."
Niz: "Maybe I should quit too... I'm joking! I'm joking! So please, stop stacking the Divine Protection of the Snake God on me!"