Kinesta: Former Imperial Princess of the Elf Empire. Current Acting Shop Manager of Kuro and Yuki. Yuri: The Demon King's daughter.
There was nothing I could do about Crowden's demand. I had no choice but to appeal to the ramen shop itself.
As the Village Head of Village Five, I probably could have used my authority to force the shop to take him in, but I didn't want to resort to that. Instead, I decided to head to the shop in person, accompanied by Beezel and Frau.
Mostly, it was because Crowden wouldn't stop crying.
"I’m not usually the kind of man who makes such nonsensical demands. I’m really not! But whenever I think about that ramen, I lose my mind. What on earth has happened to me...?"
For the time being, I figured I would at least try to convey his wishes to the shop owner. When we arrived at the restaurant, a long line snaked out the door—a clear sign of the shop's success.
Frau suggested that rather than jumping straight into business, we should experience the place as customers first, so we joined the queue. After a short wait, we were led inside and seated in a row at the counter.
A disclaimer next to the "Normal" portion size on the menu warned that the servings were quite large. That was likely the result of our previous administrative guidance. The clerk even made a point of warning those who might not be able to read the sign.
"Our 'Normal' isn't what you'd find elsewhere. If you aren't confident in your appetite, you'd better stick to a 'Small.'"
His tone was a bit provocative. I wondered if that attitude was just part of the shop's brand. Of course, I wasn't the type to be goaded by such a challenge. Beezel and Frau felt the same. We caught each other's eyes, gave a firm nod, and placed our orders.
"Three Normals, please."
It wasn't that we had fallen for his provocation. We were simply hungry.
The flavor was decent, though I could see it being a matter of personal preference. The real issue, however, was the quantity. It was massive.
"Beezel, Frau... are you two holding up okay?" I asked. I, for one, was at my limit.
We needed to find somewhere to sit and settle our stomachs. Neither Beezel nor Frau objected. We eventually sought refuge at Kuro and Yuki, the sweets and tea shop, to take a breather. Kinesta, the acting manager, gave us a bizarre look, but she didn't say a word—probably because none of us had even laid a finger on the tea we'd ordered.
I leaned back, my stomach in genuine pain. I wondered what my Healthy Body skill was doing. I knew the answer, of course: it protected me from injuries and illnesses, but it didn't lift the burden of a self-inflicted food coma. It was my own fault for overeating, and I was just venting.
I reflected on my gluttony. Once I returned home, I decided I would make an offering to the Statue of God and ask for forgiveness.
"Beezel, don't push yourself," I warned. "If you move too much, it'll all come back up. Just lie down. I’ll allow it. In fact, I’m ordering you to lie down."
"Frau, don't look down! Look up! Look at the ceiling and think of nothing. That's the best way."
I didn't want to think about anything either.
After about an hour of resting, the three of us finally calmed down. The tea had gone cold and tasted mediocre, but that was our own fault.
As for Crowden, the plan to get him a job at his favorite shop was a total bust. After we’d finished our meal, I’d asked the manager if they were hiring. Unfortunately, they had just taken on several new staff members and weren't looking for more. Truthfully, the shop already looked overstaffed.
"Now what?" I muttered.
Frau raised her hand. "Our ultimate goal is to get Crowden back to his home country. If he actually got a job at the ramen shop, it would only make it harder to send him away. Isn't it a good thing he was turned down?"
Beezel countered her point immediately. "If we can't give him a reason to leave, he'll simply refuse to vacate his cell. Despite his current state, he is a formidable warrior. If we try to evict him by force and he resists, there will be casualties."
"Couldn't we just leave it to Master Zabuton’s children?" Frau suggested.
"Is that how you treat a member of a royal family from a nation we are trying to establish diplomatic ties with? If anything, that would provoke a war."
"Mmm... so force is out of the question."
Beezel and Frau were being a bit dramatic. Zabuton's children would tie him up quite gently. Probably.
"Village Head, tying him up is the problem," Beezel said. "We need Crowden to act of his own free will."
"But Father, wouldn't the same problem exist even if he got the job? I don't see him obediently heading home once he's employed."
"We would accept his demand for employment on the condition that he fulfills one of our own: his return. As long as he goes back once, our obligation to his country is fulfilled. What he does after that is his own business."
"I see. Then we definitely can't lie to him about the job."
"Deception would be a terrible move."
"How tedious," they both sighed in perfect unison. They really were father and daughter.
I paid Kinesta the bill and we left the shop. Since the three of us couldn't come up with a solution, we decided to seek reinforcements. We headed to Yoko’s mansion and managed to track down Nana. Since she was already familiar with the Crowden situation, it was the perfect choice.
"Mr. Crowden's true goal isn't the job itself," Nana pointed out after I explained the situation. "He just wants to be near that ramen. Perhaps he doesn't need to be fixated on a specific employer."
That made sense. But if we ignored the job hunt, what was the alternative?
"You can replicate that ramen yourself, can't you, Village Head? If you offer to teach him how to make it, I’m sure he’ll agree to leave the jail."
I doubted it would be that easy, but I was wrong. Crowden left the cell immediately.
At first, he was crushed to hear the shop had rejected him, and he wouldn't listen even when I offered to teach him myself. However, Nana stepped in and told him about the time I used to run a ramen stall. That changed his attitude instantly.
"Please, allow me to call you Master!" he cried.
I wasn't sure I deserved such a title, but at least he was out of the cell. Beezel looked immensely relieved. We immediately began preparations for Crowden's repatriation. He promised that once he had mastered the art of ramen to a certain degree, he would return to his country. I intended to hold him to that.
We set up a training tent in a corner of the foothills near Village Five. Beezel and Frau headed back to the village, claiming they wouldn't be much help once the actual cooking started. Nana helped me set everything up before returning to her own duties.
"Thanks for the help, Nana," I said. Then I turned to my other companion. "By the way, Pirika, why are you here?"
"I am your escort," she replied. She was there in case Crowden tried to harm me. Looking at his obsessive eyes, I didn't think he was a threat, but I accepted the protection anyway. Since we had traveled to Village Five via Beezel’s teleportation, I hadn't brought Galf or Daga with me. I was definitely going to get an earful from them later.
Within two days, Crowden was ready to quit. I was right there with him.
Teaching him was impossible. He had zero cooking experience and was catastrophically clumsy.
"Uugh... to think my life of leaving everything to servants would come back to haunt me like this..." he groaned.
Apparently, his mother was a high-ranking noblewoman, a Duke's daughter, so even as an illegitimate child, he had been pampered his entire life.
"How on earth did you manage to work as a spy in the Demon Kingdom?" I asked. "Especially on your own? What did you do for food?"
"I solved all my problems with money," he admitted.
I see. But we were in a bind. I had never met someone so utterly hopeless in the kitchen. Well, that wasn't entirely true. The Civil Official Girls used to be just as bad, back when they thought "cooking" meant putting raw ingredients on a plate. They had improved thanks to the High Ogre Maids' strict training. Maybe I should call in the maids to help?
As I was weighing my options, an unexpected savior appeared. It was one of Yuri’s friends, a woman who performed music in Village Five and was a notorious ramen fanatic.
People called her the Ramen Queen.
"I heard you were having some trouble with the ramen," she said with a smile. "Allow me to help."