The first thought that crossed my mind upon waking was a simple one: I was alive.
I hadn't been killed. I had no idea what their intentions were, but I was profoundly grateful for the mercy. The bed was incredibly soft and comfortable.
Wait.
I felt a gaze fixed on me from one of the ceiling beams. It was a spider—one about the size of a human palm. This was no ordinary insect. I couldn't identify the species, but it was clearly a monster, and one possessing considerable combat prowess at that. I stood no chance against it. I doubted even the instructor who had trained me could have managed a victory.
Naturally, I lost consciousness again.
When I woke up a second time, the spider monster was right in front of my face. I wondered if I had died and gone to hell. I promptly lost consciousness once more.
Even in oblivion, there was no salvation. I eventually came to terms with my reality. Was the way the spider held up one of its legs meant to be a threat? I could only offer a hollow chuckle. By that point, I had grown accustomed to the sight. I wasn't going to let something like that frighten me anymore.
I summoned my courage and pulled myself up, only to find the bed surrounded by a swarm of spiders. I quietly lay back down and allowed myself to drift into a faint as if falling into a peaceful slumber. I truly wondered if I would ever escape this nightmare.
After surviving several more rounds of fainting, I finally succeeded in scrambling under the bed to hide. Immediately afterward, the maids dragged me out to change my clothes, but they were kind enough to let me crawl back into my hiding spot afterward, so I didn't mind. I did feel a bit apologetic for making them wash even my undergarments.
"Excuse me, maid-san," I whispered. "Is there anything you can do about those spiders?"
It wasn't a simple matter of a phobia. They were legitimate threats.
"You can take care of it?" I asked.
Thank you. Thank you so much!
Are you familiar with the Magic Beasts known as Inferno Wolves? They are legendary disasters capable of reducing entire cities to ruins with ease. They aren't mere beasts; they are walking cataclysms.
One of those cataclysms entered my room to take over sentry duty from the spiders. I decided then and there that I was never leaving the underside of the bed.
Eventually, a familiar face appeared to soothe my frayed nerves. Tiselle-san came by to check on me since I refused to come out. Seeing her flying around her family home was a relief; it confirmed her identity as a member of the Angel Race.
"Wait, I have to re-do my introduction to your father?" I asked. "You're going to act like you never heard my first one?"
I puzzled over what this meant. Perhaps they wanted to avoid a formal conflict with the Information Oversight Department (Dore Violne) and decided that "ignoring" my confession was the best diplomatic path forward. It made sense in a terrifying sort of way.
"I understand," I said. "I'll re-do the greeting. But first, could you please guide me to the bath? Humans are creatures of habit, but one should never get used to being filthy. It leads to illness."
I also politely asked if she could tell the Inferno Wolf following me to stay in the room.
"It wouldn't really matter?" she replied.
I asked what she meant, only to realize the truth as we stepped out. Inferno Wolves were prowling every corner of the mansion.
I could only laugh hysterically. "Please, just let me go back under the bed. No, wait... let me go back to the Academy!"
Humans truly are creatures that adapt. Once I had fully prepared myself for death, I discovered that petting an Inferno Wolf on its belly wasn't actually that scary.
"Ah, a little higher? There? No? Around here?"
I found the spot. It leaned into my hand. For the record, I was the one doing the petting. I wasn't being forced to do it.
My peaceful moment was interrupted when Urza-san called for me. Apparently, we were going to have a snowball fight. I wasn't entirely sure what that entailed, but I had heard it was a harmonious, friendly game where people tossed balls of snow at one another. I felt I had regained enough composure to enjoy such a simple pastime.
"Enemy spotted directly above! They were using the sun as cover!"
"Tch! Can we reach them with snowballs?"
"Impossible! They’re too high! Look out! Incoming projectile!"
...
"Heavy Infantry Unit, ready snow spears!"
"Wait, aren't those just ice spears?"
"They're legal under the rules! Now, fire!"
...
"Lady Lu spotted to the south! She's chanting large-scale magic! Where is our counter-magic?"
"It was neutralized by the last volley! Our only choice is a direct assault! I need volunteers for a suicide squad!"
...
I found myself wondering exactly what happened to the "harmonious game." As a close aide to the Lord Demon King, I focused on pelting any approaching enemies with snowballs. I was told to aim for the face or hands rather than the body. I didn't stop to think; I simply gave it my absolute all.
"Isree, was it? Your performance was magnificent," the Lord Demon King said, praising me afterward.
I suppose my decision to throw myself in front of him as a shield at the very end had made a good impression. But as I stood there, I couldn't help but reflect on my situation. I was an assassin. I was supposed to be an enemy of the Demon Kingdom. What in the world was I doing?
Later, I encountered an Orthros—a two-headed dog. While it was a ferocious Magic Beast, it was far weaker than an Inferno Wolf, and this one was just a puppy. I told myself there was no reason to be afraid.
I was wrong. It was incredibly strong. I found myself screaming for help.
A woman I didn't recognize came to my rescue. The Orthros seemed very attached to her. When she scolded him and told him not to fight, he obeyed her immediately.
"Thank you so much, Lady Guronde," I said, gasping for breath.
She was incredibly kind. It was a relief to know there was at least one gentle soul in this house. I felt terrible for bothering such a nice person, but I truly couldn't move. I had to ask for someone who could use healing magic.
The food served in the mansion was nothing short of divine. It made sense, considering it was the home of Urza-san and Alfred-kun; even at the Academy, the food they prepared was delicious.
However, my seating arrangement was a nightmare. Since I was a guest, I was seated right next to their father. Directly across from me were the Vampire Princess and the Annihilation Angel. To my side sat the Lord Demon King.
My heart wouldn't stop racing. To cope, I focused entirely on my plate. Normally, it would be polite to match the eating pace of those around me, but I didn't have the mental capacity to observe my surroundings. If I looked too closely at the Dragons and legendary figures sitting at the table, I knew I’d lose my appetite instantly.
In my stress, I made a mistake. I had been trained since childhood to finish my meals as quickly as possible, and my speed was glaringly obvious. I had accidentally made myself the center of attention. I immediately regretted it.
"Eh? Oh, no, it's not that I was raised in a large family or anything..." I stammered.
"Thank you for the second helping! I'm not a picky eater at all!"
The Lord Demon King even offered me a portion of his own meal. I sat there, chewing mechanically, wondering once again what on earth I was doing.