A cat mascot suit was performing a formal dogeza right in front of me... I wasn’t sure how to feel. It should have been a scene dripping with pathos, but the ridiculous costume made it feel like I was just being mocked.
"Um, please, stand up. I’ll take a look at what you have for sale, at least..."
"Ah, before that, can I ask a small favor, sir?"
"...Eh?"
"Could you talk to me more casually? See, I’m the clerk and you’re the customer. If the customer uses polite language with me, my Super Sales Talk won't really kick into high gear, y'know?"
"..."
If her "Super Sales Talk" only worked under such specific conditions, I didn’t think it was very "super" at all. Also, was that strange, halfway-casual way of speaking supposed to be polite? I wasn't exactly an expert on formal etiquette myself, but I could say with absolute certainty that her version was just wrong.
Still, no matter how I looked at her, she was clearly an eccentric. I would have preferred to keep my distance by remaining polite, but it was more important to move the conversation along so I could get out of here.
"Fine. Is this better?"
"...Perfect! I can feel an aura radiating off you that says you want to go home as fast as humanly possible... but I’m a merchant, however lowly! Allow me to ignite your desire to shop!"
The shopkeeper in the mascot suit suddenly perked up and stood with a burst of energy.
The costume ruined the effect in every possible way. Just what was wrong with this person?
"Hah?! That passionate gaze! I see... so that's how it is... You’re interested in me, aren't you?!"
"...What?"
"I understand. I understand completely... When faced with a 'beautiful girl' like me, it’s only natural for a man’s burning carnal instincts to awaken!"
"..."
What on earth was she talking about? I could feel my expression turning completely deadpan.
She was probably making a very smug face inside that suit, but to me, she just looked like a creep in a cat costume making bizarre, unsettling movements while calling herself a "beautiful girl."
Ignoring my reaction entirely, the shopkeeper continued.
"Very well! Being a merchant, let’s do this: if you buy three items, I’ll tell you my three sizes!!"
"No thanks."
"An immediate rejection?! Come on, couldn't you at least pretend to struggle with the decision?!"
Unfortunately, I didn't find the proposal appealing in the slightest. Besides, those were definitely the dimensions of the mascot suit, weren't they? It’d just be something like 100-100-100...
"T-Then, how about this! If you buy five items, I’ll go out to dinner with you—at your expense!"
"Please, spare me."
"A rejection on the level of a plea for mercy?!"
Going to dinner with a mascot-suit-wearing creep would be nothing short of a penalty game. Also, she’d casually mentioned it would be at my expense; she just wanted a free meal!
However, if I told such a dangerous-looking weirdo the truth, I didn't know how she might react. I decided to be indirect.
"Look, going to dinner with someone whose name I don't even know is..."
"Ah, come to think of it, I haven't introduced myself yet!! You must be curious about the name of a lovely young girl like me!"
"...No, not really."
"As for me, let's see... You may call me 'Alice,' the beautiful girl shrouded in mystery!"
"Not the Cheshire Cat?"
"Who’s a cat?! Calling a beautiful girl like me a cat, what are you even talking about?"
"..."
This person was incredible; her level of annoyance was off the charts. To be honest, this might have been the first time in my life I’d ever felt the urge to punch someone I’d just met.
Also, the fact that she knew about fairy tales from Earth likely meant the information had been passed down by a previous Hero-role.
"A-Are you okay? I feel like you're glaring at me with eyes that could kill... I-It's just that, right? You're just being shy, right?"
"...My name is Kaito Miyama. Nice to meet you... Also, can I hit you once?"
"You just slipped something terrifying in right after your introduction?! S-So your name is Kaito-san? Wow, what a lovely name that suits your cool face. Just being stared at by you makes my heart skip a beat... So, um, I’d really appreciate it if you’d put down that clenched fist..."
Without realizing it, I had tightened my hand into a fist. Alice spoke in a placating tone, her mascot suit trembling slightly. But because of her appearance, it still felt like she was making fun of me. No, this was bad. I was letting her dictate the pace entirely.
"Sigh... Let's start over. Nice to meet you."
"Likewise! I look forward to doing business with you!"
I let out a heavy sigh to compose myself and held out my hand. Alice did the same, offering the large, padded hand of the mascot suit.
The moment my hand touched hers, I heard a sound like glass shattering. Alice's mascot suit burst apart into thin air.
"...Eh?"
"...Huh?"
With the costume gone, I found myself looking at a girl with long, wavy blonde hair and stunning blue eyes like high-quality sapphires. Dressed in clothes that resembled overalls with many pockets, she was so beautiful she could have been mistaken for a delicate porcelain doll.
"Ah, eh? W-Why did the magic break... Hawa, awawawawa?!"
The girl—Alice—stared at me blankly before her face turned bright red with enough intensity that I half-expected an explosion.
"Hyaaaaaaaaaa?!"
"?!"
Her face now as red as a boiled octopus, Alice let out a scream and sprinted toward the counter. She rummaged through it so violently she almost flipped it over. After a moment, she pulled out a white mask—an opera mask that hid the upper half of her face. She hurriedly put it on and let out a long, shaky sigh of relief.
"...U-Um..."
"S-S-Sorry. Since I was little... I haven't been able to talk to people properly if I have to face them without a cover..."
"...Is that mask enough?"
"Yes, as long as about half my face is hidden, I'm safe."
Apparently, Alice was pathologically shy about her real face and couldn't function unless it was covered. That explained the mascot suit... though a suit that large still felt unnecessary. I decided not to press the issue.
"I mean... what was that all of a sudden, Kaito-san?! Stripping a girl in broad daylight? What kind of depraved demon king are you?!"
"N-No, I don't know what happened either! And don't say it in a way that invites misunderstanding! Your costume just fell off!"
"No, no, as far as I'm concerned, I feel incredibly defiled! I’ll never be able to get married now!"
Now that she had the opera mask on, Alice seemed to have regained her former temperament. She pressed toward me with fierce intensity. I had no idea why the suit had shattered just because I touched it, so her claim was basically a false accusation. Still, seeing the girl behind the costume and hearing her scream made me feel a slight twinge of guilt.
"...I'll buy five items."
"Want me to strip a bit more? I could even open my collar a little if you want..."
Upon hearing my surrender, Alice’s eyes immediately lit up.
I was already starting to understand how to handle her, even though we’d just met. Her change in attitude was so fast it was almost impressive.
Dear Mother, Father—Alice was annoying, pushy, shy, and a total money-grubber. To put it simply—she was a total eccentric.