"Um, excuse me, God. In the end, what exactly am I supposed to be doing here?"
"Well, you see," the God of Wind replied, "I want you to help young Jerome here find himself a bride."
"Come again?"
"Didn't you hear me? I want you to help Jerome get a wife."
Apparently, my ears hadn't deceived me. Why on earth was a god acting as a matchmaker for a Wyvern Lord?
"It’s because Jerome and Melissa—the lizard of his dreams—have the potential to become Sky Dragons if they receive my divine protection," the God explained.
"I’m sorry, I still don't follow."
"Hmm? Oh, right. You aren't very well-versed in these matters, are you, Allen? Well, it’s a long story, so never mind the details. If you can get Jerome and Melissa to hit it off, I’ll bestow my protection upon you as well. How does that sound?"
I took a moment to consider the offer. What should I do...?
For now, as far as deals went, it wasn't a bad trade.
"All right. I’ll give it a shot."
"Aha! I knew you’d say that. Honestly, I was just about to get bored, leave the Book of the Wind God here, and head home. But this will be the perfect way to kill some time."
Wait. Did he just say something I absolutely shouldn't have ignored?
"A-A-Allen-shuh—hic!"
Jerome tried to speak but ended up biting his own tongue. This guy was a total disaster.
"Fine. I said I’d help, and I will. So, what kind of girl is this Melissa?"
"..."
Jerome just fidgeted, shuffling his massive claws.
Good grief, pull yourself together. You're a male, aren't you?!
"Hmph. Allow me to show you," the God said.
A screen manifested before my eyes. On it was the image of a single, pure-white Wyvern Lord gliding gracefully through the sky. A familiar-looking ribbon was tied around her tail.
Oh, right. Now I get it.
This was the "I arrived too early" trope. If I hadn't shown up when I did, the God of Wind would have grown bored, left the Book of the Wind God in the temple, and returned to the Divine Realm.
In that original timeline, Jerome would have eventually won Melissa over on his own and they would have become a couple. Then, just as they reached the peak of their happiness with a newborn hatchling, Amy and the capture targets would have shown up and slaughtered them for experience points.
Yeah, that’s just the worst.
"Oh? Allen, why are you thinking about the future as if it were a recorded fact? Well, regardless, you’ve already promised to help, so don't think you can just wait for me to disappear. If you try to run away now, I’ll send you straight to hell with a bolt of divine punishment. Rest assured."
"I don't feel 'rest assured' at all. Can we circle back to that last part?"
"Well, I feel better, so there’s no problem."
I forced myself to switch gears.
"Alright, let's start the strategy meeting. A great military strategist once said: 'If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles.' First, we need to learn more about Melissa. Tell me everything you know about her, Jerome."
Jerome just continued to squirm and fidget.
I really wanted to punch this guy. His spinelessness was starting to grate on my nerves.
"Keeping your mouth shut won't get us anywhere! Just spit it out already!"
"H-Hieee! I’ll talk! I’ll talk, so please don't be angry!"
"Good. Now, give me the details."
"Y-yes. Melissa is a white Wyvern, and her trademark is that stylish ribbon tied to her tail. She’s... she’s very beautiful."
"And? What about her hobbies?"
Jerome’s expression turned pained.
"Have you ever even spoken to her?"
He looked even more distressed.
Wait, so they’re complete strangers? Isn't Jerome just a stalker at this point?
Jerome looked genuinely crushed by my realization.
"Fine. We’ll start with a basic greeting and try to get you into the 'friend zone' first."
Jerome continued to fidget.
"You... got... that?" I growled.
"H-Hyeey!"
The God transported us to a spot near where Melissa was resting her wings.
"Listen up. For your first move, you’re going to walk up and say: 'Hello, my name is Jerome. That’s a very lovely, stylish ribbon you have. May I sit beside you?' After that, just keep the conversation casual. Find out what she likes to do or what her favorite food is. Compliment her, then try to set a date to go somewhere together. Got it? Now get in there."
Jerome heaved his massive body into the air and flew toward Melissa. I stayed back with the God to watch the scene unfold from a distance.
Jerome landed near her and approached with heavy, thudding steps. Melissa raised her head and glared at him.
"Who are you? Do you want something?"
"H-H-H-H..."
Melissa gave Jerome a look usually reserved for a pile of garbage, then immediately took flight and disappeared.
"Okay, new plan. If you're too nervous to talk, we'll lead with a gift. What kind of present would a Wyvern girl actually like?"
"U-um... m-maybe meat?"
"Fine, let’s go with that. Can you get some?"
"Y-y-yes."
Jerome flew off. While he was gone, I continued to keep an eye on Melissa with the God.
After a while, Jerome returned. His entire face was smeared with blood, and he was dangling a gargantuan, writhing worm from his maw.
The moment Melissa saw him coming, she let out a piercing shriek and fled into the distance.
"Alright. If talking is out and gifts are a failure, we’ll have to fix your look. What’s considered 'high fashion' for a Wyvern?"
"U-um... a flower crown?"
"I have my doubts, but fine. Let’s try it. Can you put one together?"
"Y-y-yes."
Once again, Jerome flew off. I spent the interval watching Melissa with the God.
A short while later, I saw what looked like a massive, flying clump of trees and shrubbery approaching.
As soon as that bizarre object landed near Melissa, she let out a horrified "Gyaaa!" and vanished over the horizon.