When a person eats, things eventually have to come out.
I could have just gone anywhere nearby, but since I’d already cleared and tilled the land around my hollowed-out tree, the visibility was a bit too high for comfort. Besides, doing my business on plowed ground felt wrong, and doing it on unplowed ground was just as problematic—who knew if I might want to farm that spot in the future?
Waste can be used as fertilizer, but not immediately after it's produced. It needs time to ferment first. While it seemed like the Universal Farming Tool’s Hoe could turn just about anything into fertilizer, I wasn't particularly keen on tilling my own excrement.
And so, after securing shelter, water, fire, and food, the next thing I sought was a toilet.
A toilet...
First, I selected a spot on the exact opposite side of the tree from the well. I didn’t want to deal with any unpleasant smells, so I picked a location a fair distance away. Keeping the future in mind, I dug a hole about two meters deep at an angle. I had already learned the hard way that if I dug straight down, I wouldn't be able to climb back out.
I widened the bottom of the pit to ensure there was plenty of space. This should last me for a few years. Probably.
It would be a disaster if the accumulated waste seeped through and contaminated the groundwater, so I used the Hammer to strike the floor and walls, packing them tight. Just as I’d hoped, the soil compressed until it was as hard as concrete. That should do the trick.
Next came the structure above ground.
I started by covering the diagonal access hole with wooden planks. I fashioned these from my timber stockpile using the Universal Farming Tool’s Saw and Chisel. They looked no different from something you’d find at a high-end hardware store. Normally, if you work with green wood without drying it first, it tends to warp or crack later, but the wood processed with the tool’s Saw and Chisel didn't seem to need any seasoning. The Universal Farming Tool was incredibly convenient.
This covered opening would serve as the access port for removing waste from the pit later on.
Next, based on my best estimate of where the center of the underground chamber was, I bored a fist-sized hole straight down from the surface. For this, the Universal Farming Tool shifted into the shape of a massive Corkscrew. Since it was only about as long as I was tall, I was worried it wouldn't reach the pit, but the giant Corkscrew just kept extending deeper the more I turned it until it finally broke through.
I wondered briefly if I should have used that for the well.
Regardless, I laid down wooden boards to create a floor over the hole. I cut an opening in one of the planks, aligned it with the hole in the ground, and then prepared a toilet seat. I made the seat by carving a slice from a suitably sized log. I wasn't a fan of the squatting style; I was a Western-toilet man through and through. In fact, I was the type who preferred to sit even for a quick leak.
I carefully joined the planks and the seat together, fixing them firmly so nothing would slip.
Next... the walls.
I used the Hammer to drive four logs into the ground to serve as pillars. I felt the disadvantage of my short stature while driving them in, but I managed by building a temporary scaffold from spare lumber. The pillars were about two meters high and spaced two meters apart, creating a four-square-meter space.
Was it too spacious for a toilet? Perhaps, but a little extra room was better than being cramped. I couldn't leave it fully open, after all.
I carved grooves into the pillars and slid in processed boards to form the walls. In my haste, I accidentally walled myself in completely and had to tear one side back down to make an entrance. Rather than crafting a proper door, I drove a row of logs into the ground a short distance from the opening to serve as a privacy screen.
It was looking good.
Then there was the ceiling. It remained unfinished for the moment. I told myself I enjoyed the sense of openness, but really, I was just putting it off.
I fetched some water from the well in a large cup—something a bit smaller than a bucket—carried it over, and finally sat down on my brand-new toilet. The water was for washing my hands and rinsing the bowl afterward, but then I realized my mistake.
I hadn't prepared any leaves to use as paper.
That was a close call. I dashed into the forest, searching for any foliage that looked soft enough to wipe with. I didn't find the perfect leaf, but I did find some promising grass. I just hoped it wouldn't give me a rash... but my urge to go was so imminent that I didn't have the luxury of testing it out.
...I didn't get a rash. What a relief.
After that, I set to work on the ceiling. I didn't have the technical skill to build a sloped roof, so I just laid the boards flat across the top. At a height of two meters, it felt surprisingly claustrophobic. Come to think of it, two meters was only about the height of a standard sliding door. I’d have to put more thought into the height of the next building I made.
Because the interior became pitch black once the ceiling was on, I carved a series of small clerestory windows near the top of the walls to let in the light. For nighttime illumination, I hollowed out a piece of wood like a brazier and lined the bottom with ash. Since the brazier itself was wooden, I was a bit worried about the fire spreading, but I decided to leave that as a point for future improvement.
Finally, I wanted a tank for hand-washing and flushing, but I lacked the woodworking skills to build a proper watertight basin from planks. Instead, I simply hollowed out a massive log.
Thanks to the Universal Farming Tool, I ended up more exhausted from the repeated trips to fill the tank with water than I was from the actual construction. Living without civilization was a real chore.
Regardless, the toilet was finished. I felt a deep sense of satisfaction.